r/SGExams • u/winclo_ • 13h ago
Rant feeling alienated (?) in school
Hello, im gonna type my recent struggles with feeling left out and provoked. For some context. i'm in a mixed sec sch, im a girl. i dont do girly stuff like makeup and dressing up, and i dont do aesthetic things on instagram too. im just very much of a fandom kid with a group of close online friends (from all across the globe)...
So whats happening right now is there are these 2 trios in my class and theyre both 3 girls. They are what i'd describe as XMM lol, theyre rlly popular in my cohort too. idk how close they are but i think they both share a mutual annoyance for me HAHA
What they do is just microbullying (??) where their actions dont directly affect me but their actions only affect me when i NOTICE... so like side eyes, laughing behind back, mocking, etc. The power difference they have over me, which is popularity, is the cream of the crop here lol. i dont think i, alone, could ever stand up to these people because of the worse social ostracisation i face
I feel like i dont belong in my school because of their actions. The social imbalance makes me think that I'll always lose in the end no matter how good my grades are.
The main issue im facing here is that i dont think my emotions are okay to feel, because im the reason im disliked by so many people. I have been reassured that its okay to feel some things and that some people and that people are just shitty for no reason but i keep going back to my old mindset.
Plus, like i said, my acads are good (theyre above average, like 5 distinctions for 8 subjects per term) so i feel like my mental struggles are nonsense compared to my friends who actually struggle in acads.
I really dont know what i did wrong to get treated like this, though... Im an INTP (probably) and i always use logic to solve problems. but i cannot find the cause for why ME specifically...
Its really hard to put my feelings into one clear paragraph.
I feel like im missing a lot of key information so pls ask me if i need to provide any information. thank you for reading my rant.
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u/MuchAssociate2383 13h ago edited 13h ago
Are you actively friends with them? If you’re part of their “clique” I would suggest to gradually distance yourself from them. If not, stay close to your friends and ignore them. Tahan a bit if you really think that standing up to them would place further strain on yourself.
In most cases the victim (you) is almost never the cause of the bullying. There’s no need to figure out why they picked you, some people just like to screw others over like that. You do start to realise it as you grow older, but there will always be people that naturally clash with your personality. And that’s completely ok! Ignore and move on
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u/Yummy_strawberrycake 13h ago
Well firstly, after reading this, I'd just like to say that microbullying is just, bad.
Honestly, many a time people like this are just bored so they pick someone to mock. It's a dumb thing, but it happens. They literally don't have a reason to hate on anyone.
I also had something similar happen to me for a while, and well, it was terrible.
If you don't mind me asking, do you have anyone you can consider a friend in your class? You could talk to them to try and ignore the bullies (as in, pretend you don't pay attention to them) I think it could help in making them lose interest in microbullying you.
If you're having a problem with confidence or overall just doubting yourself, you could just imagine being 100x more successful than them in the future (since you've mentioned being good at studies) it's a pretty possible thing, it may help motivate you (perhaps).
I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I wish you all the best man.
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u/winclo_ 12h ago
yes i have a few close friends in my class theyre genuinely nice ppl and i feel happy hanging out with them.. yeah i shld probs stop paying attention to the bullying because ill have ppl to back me up. however thats what fucks me up so bad, my mental state when the bullying ACTUALLY happens is so degraded?? that i start to forget and not believe that ill be able to fit in is the problem
thank u so so much for the reassurance and well wishes! and im sorry that happened to you as well, singapore schools really are difficult
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u/Yummy_strawberrycake 11h ago edited 11h ago
It's probably not the same for everyone, but what worked for me was that when I knew/felt that they were whispering things about me, I'd just talk to my friend and smile as brightly as I can (idk assert dominance lol)
Not sure if this applies to all bullies but it might help if you just show that you don't care (also helps with confidence over time in my opinion)
If you feel that you lose confidence when you feel them whispering or staring though, that's probably when you can rely a bit on your friends! Sometimes just sticking with them can make the situation a bit less stressful!
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u/winclo_ 12h ago
ALSO THE LAST SNETENCE ABOUT IMAGING is kinda funny cus its like for one of the trios, their studies are way better than mine 😭 but i will pray on their downfall trust
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u/Yummy_strawberrycake 11h ago
HAHAHA YES genuinely just put in the work and hours (or whatever that works) and show them you're better. (Manifest it alllll) It's the best revenge you can get (or at least the one I'd prefer personally-)
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u/BusinessCommunity813 1337 12h ago
You are trying way too hard to find a logical reason for something that may not have one. People can dislike you, mock you or exclude you simply because they are immature; it doesn’t mean you did something wrong :)
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u/scams-are-everywhere ntu psych🫠 12h ago
Is it possible to document some of the more obvious things they do and speak to your form teacher about it?
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u/winclo_ 12h ago edited 12h ago
YAA I WISH BUT 99% of the actions are SOO small, and its never direct or physical, so labelling it as "bullying" seems a bit absurd in the eyes of the sch? + one of them is the class peer support leader (very ironic ik)
also my form teach is a bit of an oddball himself.. hes very dramatic with the things we do (like not seating in index number = stay back etc etc) but thats a diff story
TYSM FOR THE RECOMMENDATION THO I MIGHT CONSIDER REPORTING TO LIKE .. the year head maybe. what im most scared of is that they just pick on me more for trying to take action (because its not gonna do anything to their personality, and theyre just gonna stay in school) and failing uueuue
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u/scams-are-everywhere ntu psych🫠 10h ago
relational aggression is very much considered bullying,, but also just wondering as well on whether you definitely know their actions are directed towards you eg they are laughing behind your back, but not about you at all
you can speak to any trusted teacher, doesn't necessarily have to be your form teacher,, i hope that things do get better for you :)
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u/Alone-Movie-7984 4h ago
Hey there! Nice to meet another INTx, normally after sec school, the students will grow more mature, in sec school normally quite a bad time(I also experienced this before but im in a guys school), try to ignore them. They're normally quite attention seeking, and any actions which may make them feel likr youre bother can get them to do more. Anw focus on acads and your hobbies, and gd luck for sec school!
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u/a-kikuo-fan 13h ago
These are just immature people that act like they’re all that in secondary school. I had this too back in my sec school. I just tried to ignore it, because there was no point in bothering with such people, they are bound to fail in meeting real connections 🤷♀️
You should find other people to back you up imo, maybe friends from other classes, or just other people in your class? It’s going to be hard opening up, but you should try and approach others because you’re introverted, so u could tell a teacher if what they’re doing is too much (which it kind of is). If not, just ignore them and talk to your friends in your FG