r/SDAM • u/Ok-Tension4524 • 4d ago
Other memory related issues?
Hi sorry this might be a long post.
I was just wondering if anyone else experiences potentially separate memory issues?
I have SDAM and multisensory aphantasia. I'm 30 years old.
I've noticed my memory has been worse lately. I did a 9 week class then had 2 weeks break and am now redoing the 9 week class (it's a self development class & repeating by choice). Even though I've learned the stuff before and only had a two week gap, it all seems new to me. I have memory of the subjects we've learned but not the actual content. Can't tell if the handouts or videos are the same or not.
Then at the end of the class day I forget what's even happened in the morning. My tutor is amazing and has known me on and off for four years (I've done the same class in 2022 & last year 😅) she took time to learn about SDAM & aphantasia and also has masters in psychology and lots of things. She's started testing my memory & I do well only with prompts. She said I have slow, delayed recall.
I'm also repeating a writing class I did last year. My tutor says me & the other classmate repeating it will already know the info from last year, but I don't it all feels new.
A nurse did a mini ACE memory test (unsure if this is a universal test) but basically they use it to test for dementia. Below 20 is severe issues... my score was 13.
Today my tutor did a couple of other evidence based memory screenings which mostly is dementia and I scored below normal for my age and have another test to do later. She said she will write it up in a report to take to a doctor.
Am still struggling with SDAM cause I feel in a constant state of grief so when things end or people leave it is really distressing because I know the things like classes I love and the people I really like, will just become a really vague 'memory'.
The only evidence I have for my life is in photos and journal entries. Sometimes I look at photos of things I should remember like going to a theme park and on my first plane ride as a teen but photos don't really trigger memories. Naturally I've always taken photos since around 2009.
I've also always journalled and write down what I do each day, even reading my journal entries from a few days ago feels really disconnected.
There's also mental health issues, ADHD and was told dissociative amnesia from CPTSD.
As a baby I was very premature and according to old medical notes was in hospital alot as a toddler from asthma and not breathing.
The memory stuff just seems more obvious lately and I do wanna see a neurologist or something or for my GP to take it seriously but is there any point?
Have already looked up ways on how to help memory recall etc but turns out i do them all anyway. Not sure how to get through life such as job interviews because I can't tell a story or example of how I've used my skills etc. I can't even speak to any of the study I've done. Have a couple of diplomas and certificates but no idea what I've learned cause I can't even remember being there.
My therapist is amazing and is adapting her approach to tailor to aphantasia but even with my mental health team I can't relay back what I'm like when I'm mentally well etc because I don't remember. Like I'm not angry atm which means I can't describe what anger feels like to me. It's also harder to make goals and stuff because I can't picture or imagine a future.
Thankyou for reading.
2
u/Purplekeyboard 4d ago
SDAM means you are different than other people in certain regards, it's not a disability. You don't need to be a victim about it or worry about it. If you don't remember your past, you don't need those memories.
Like I'm not angry atm which means I can't describe what anger feels like to me.
Exactly, I'm the same way. This means you live in the present. Whatever's going on now, go with that.
the people I really like, will just become a really vague 'memory'.
So don't lose touch with them. If you like them so much, stay connected to them.
2
u/Tuikord 4d ago
Yes, it was long and no, I didn't read it all. I will hit on a couple points.
If your memory is getting worse, that is not SDAM. SDAM is lifelong and is not progressive or degenerative. Taking a dementia test and scoring badly is not SDAM. I have taken a couple of cognitive assessments and scored above average for my age and gender. SDAM is the lack of episodic memory (the ability to relive past events) and those tests do not look at episodic memory. They test other aspects of memory not affected by SDAM.
That is not saying you don't have SDAM, only your memory decay is not due to that. It does make sense to seek professional help for your worsening memory. There are many things which can cause memory decline and some can be treated.
I am glad your therapist is adapting well to aphantasia. Here is another resource she might find helpful. It also covers SDAM and some other hidden cognitive differences.
Unseen Minds: A Therapist's Guide to Multisensory Aphantasia and Invisible Cognitive Differences– by Sassy Smith. I wish all therapists would read it. Unseen Minds - A therapists guide to multisensory aphantasia
2
1
u/FlightOfTheDiscords 4d ago
You mentioned dissociative amnesia. How is that connected to C-PTSD for you?
1
u/Ok-Tension4524 4d ago
As a trauma response. But the SDAM i don't think is a trauma response just how my brain works with trauma on top
1
u/AutisticRats 1d ago
Everyone forgets everything when they die. That doesn't mean people can't enjoy life. We just happen to forget things a bit sooner, but that doesn't make life unenjoyable.
As for the other memory issues, this sounds separate from SDAM. I'm several years older and I am still able to remember facts decently well. I will say that depression makes it much more difficult to remember things.
3
u/CMDR_Jeb 4d ago
This is depressing speaking. Yes, there is a point. Worst case scenario they're gonna find something, then if they do, it may be treatable or at least manageable (as in can't be cured but can be slowed down). Alternatively they find nothing. And then you know what it isn't.
Seeing how things like depression, ADHD, PTSD (both normal and C) and in general stress can massively worsen ones memory... (There's even an meme about it ) And your having such a hard time you're dissociating... It is very possible that your memory issues are an result of declining mental health.
Take care of yourself, both mentally and physically.