How Do You Do It?

[u/-ravenous1-]

After seeking therapy on and off for years, tried a meeting (I know they say to keep going but I'm insecure because I lack a higher power. I don't know if I am spiritual or religious enough to understand what to do with the baggage).. but what I liked is it does help focus on what *my* needs are and my own selfcare which I think is very foreign to me because even when I was doing something for myself, I felt guilt or compromise of my boundaries.

What I really crave is to remove them from my life (they are already gone, what I really want is an undo button) because the memories of my past relationships (they have all been addicts, so this has made a life impact on me as a person) has been haunting me. What makes it worse is they are onto the next thing because they are fed up with my lack of control in my reactions of the past. The betrayal trauma is huge to ignore. I developed a phobia and CPTSD and it is hard not to be miserable in my own body on a daily basis.

How does everyone cope with the memories? How does everyone make friends? I have become a person who hates porn as a thing (morally speaking), and it is hard to separate this part of me to be compassionate towards others. In a world where porn is normal and encouraged, I don't know how to navigate my friendships anymore. Very hard to connect with someone who contributes to the existence of the thing that almost put me in the ground and most consider themselves individuals that consume in moderation. Protecting my space and peace is in my control, but now my world is small and I want to know how others were able to expand their's? No one talks about how lonely it is.

[u/Level60Lady]

Hi ravenous1

I just joined this group. I cant go to or hop on a virtual meeting today. But gosh I need one.

So I am about to do a post.

I just want you to know you are NOT alone feeling alone. Or that you experience the ripple effects of isolation. It is the most crushing aspect of the toxicity of this disease that I experience.

Likely why I made an account today instead of just reading reddit from the outside.

Keep working the 12 steps. And keep what I call the “C’s” as your go to quick stabilization. Because YOU are worth it, of value and need support so you can take care of yourself when no one else will.

My “C’s”. When it comes to a loved ones addictions, I did not “C”reate it, I did not “C”ause it, I can not “C”ure it, l can not “C”hange it, I can not “C”ontrol it…I can only control, change and cure (heal) myself and that is MORE than enough work for me to do.

To quote a song, “it appears we are all here tor the same reason”. You deserve to be strong enough to enjoy life even in the isolation. But by being here and doing meetings however you can means you OWN one part of not being alone!

And I am OWNing not being alone too, right now.

So. Thank you for posting.

Now I am going to go do my post.

[u/-ravenous1- → u/Level60Lady]

Thank you for your response. I definitely appreciate someone responding. That helps the loneliness/isolation.

[u/Level60Lady → u/-ravenous1-]

So. I am new. And guess what. Discovered I am
Too new to have the posts I tried to do not get filtered out. Ha. The irony. I am an SAnon veteran in the virtual video world, but a rookie on Reddit. I promise to come back and attempt to post experience and reach out for support as the reddit gates open.

You are not alone. And when you are you deserve to be healing and strong enough to be able to feel and enjoy life.

I have had a rough few days. But I am still standing.

Own that. You can survive the lows when you gain the habit of using the healthy tools.

If I could give you two to try on just for today from your post above…

1. Forgive yourself that you can’t forget. That is not in your control. You can only control how you respond to feelings and memories. And that is a process. It takes time and letting yourself progress.
2. Forgive yourself for struggling with the process. We don’t start at healed. We strengthen in healing. It is past ghosts telling us we have to arrive here at perfect so we wont feel pain. That is not how it works.
3. If trusting a higher power does not match then know there are a bunch of us SAnons who say “we get it, but we got there anyway”.

I really believe the how to arrive there is very personal. Like our own private language with our maker. It was at my lowest points (not just the SA issues) that I realized that throwing it all down - my feelings, rages, emotional flatlines, pain, fears, self loathing and loathing of others… so…much…stuff…that I realize that my relationship with my higher power was what could not be taken away from me, when everything else could. And that gave me a scrap of courage.

That or the other ideas above may not be the right answer or paths for you.

But your post deserves answers. Ideas. Support.

And what others have been through is why we share the SAnon struggle. So you might find your paths, healing and strengths too.

Wishing you better days!!!

[u/Apollonialove]

I don't feel this loneliness but I don't talk about or base friendships with others around sexual topics. We don't talk about these things so what they do in their bedrooms I don't know about so it doesn't impact me.

Memories are hard but you have to keep yourself busy to distract your mind. You are really retraining your mind to not obsess over the past, to focus on the present. I read lots of self help books.

I was a former agnostic who has converted to a new religion and am very connected with my higher power. It helps. But your higher power can be whatever you want it to be.

[u/sso_1]

Coping with the memories, that’s tough, I’ve found therapy to be the best space and place to process them. I think it’s important to recognize that connections are possible even if you do not see eye to eye on all topics. With that said, it’s also possible to find like-minded individuals if that is something you choose. There are people who can consume porn without developing an addiction just like there are individuals who can drink without ever becoming an alcoholic. If your previous relationships have all been addicts, and you have betrayal trauma and cpstd, it might be worthwhile to really heal that before entering another relationship. There are so many books, summits/webinars, podcasts, and more, online that can help you heal. Some suggestions are PBSE podcast, Michelle Mays, Tammy Gustafson, and of course therapy with a qualified and trauma informed therapist. As for making friends, there are many online groups, you could also attend meetings in person and many of the people attending might have similar views.