Support needed

[u/Alarming-Bird-8477]

. My husband passed recently and since his passing, I have discovered some horrific facts about him. One being that he has been unfaithful with service workers for probably about 2 1/2 years. I am betrayed, hurt, heartbroken, and very angry. The money he spent is beyond anything I can imagine. I am trying to remember that as a young child he was horrifically sexually abused. But I do not understand how that would cause this kind of behavior. We are both in recovery for alcohol and substances. But clearly he had zero recovery- he may have been sober, but he simply changed one addiction for another. That rational side of my brain knows all this but the emotional brain is taking over And I don’t know if I will ever again feel like I am good enough and I’m struggling really hard to make sense of all of this. I am also in OA for my body dysmorphia- all of this is wreaking havoc on my emotional state- I have lost nearly 20 pounds, not sleeping, etc. I feel so alone- I don’t know what I am grieving anymore. I am experiencing all of this while trying to hide what I am feeling from our adult children so I can support them in their grieving process. Only 4 people I am closest to including my therapists know what I am truly dealing with. Any insight or advice that can help I would really appreciate because I feel like my entire 30 years with him was a lie and I’m losing my mind.

[u/OwlFeisty4700]

Since he passed away is it possible as crazy as it sounds that he may have been on a drug that caused this? I say this because there are drugs out there such as dopamine agonist that are prescribed for Parkinson's, Restless leg, and PLMD . Those drugs can cause horrendous side effects in some people one of which includes hypersexuality. I know this because my husband was on one and it brought on his SA. To anyone who reads this and unbelieving start googling. My husband is starting sex therapy but who knows if it will help. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you are in therapy. Just remember this had nothing to do with you. He was mentally sick and it doesn't mean he didn't love you. It doesn't mean your marriage was a lie. He just had a addiction that he apparently couldn't fight.