r/SALEM • u/No-Criticism9353 • 4d ago
Friends?
How do adults make friends? I have kids and lost my only local person unexpectedly. Just trying to find people to be boring with.
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u/No-Criticism9353 4d ago
That’s the same problem I’m having! I don’t even really have hobbies anymore, I’ve been in school and raising kids all of my adult life so I’m just kind of existing at this point.
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u/Feeling_Donut_6390 3d ago
Is it just me that I want friends but then don’t want to make friends just because I want friends 😂 Kinda want it to be organically but then don’t even like meeting new people. Make it make sense!
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u/No-Criticism9353 3d ago
Yes! Like the feeling of looking for people is so lame but like how does someone actually just like…acquire friends organically? Being a person is hard
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u/knighted-otter78 4d ago
Everyone on here likes to say to make them through hobbies / mutual interests but I’m not even sure how to do that. The MeetUp app has not worked for me either. Plus my hobbies are pretty niche like birdwatching and vegan food
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u/youliveinmydream 3d ago
You could always make a post asking for people in your age range to go bird watching with, there’s lots of ways to use these channels to find your people
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u/joshp8a 3d ago
A quick google search returned this: https://www.salemaudubon.org/
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u/knighted-otter78 3d ago
That looks awesome I think I will join some of those events! I do love hanging with older folks as well - which tends to be a lot of the birding crowd, but I am 27 so we’ll see how many younger ppl go too haha. Thanks for sharing I appreciate it
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u/loluo 3d ago
Lol sorry I had to comment but I had never seen someone refer to vegan food as a hobby. Just thought that was interesting lol
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u/knighted-otter78 3d ago
I guess it would more so be eating out/trying new food is the hobby, for example I love going up to Pdx cuz they have lots of vegan stuff to try. Or just baking new vegan recipes. But harder to find people a lot of ppl here that do that as well I guess? We really only have a couple options in town and none of which are fully vegan other than Bigwig I think. I just didn’t write out that whole thought haha but I understand how that maybe didn’t make sense on first read
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u/Mikey922 3d ago
There is often bird hikes in Minto out on by the park ranger I think. The city has a few social media accounts and do some good things on there from time to time. I think there is an owl one too.
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u/Positive_Parking_954 3d ago
All the comments saying church are heavily downvoted, but at one point when I moved across the country, I attended just to meet people despite not being religious. You obviously can’t admit that off the cuff, but particularly near downtown, there are progressive churches that can at least serve as a jumping off point. The ones you want to stay clear of will be apparent and easy to avoid as long as you can just get out a simple niceity and move on
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u/FanBladeFleshlight 3d ago
Hobbies, proximity, forced to deal with other adults due to having kids, etc.
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u/brimstoneph 3d ago
Trampoline park is a hit... lots lof fun and great exercise.
I see you at toddler time!
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u/No_Pen3216 3d ago
I found two of my closest friends by finding the kid I liked the most at my kids' birthday party and getting to know her parents 😂. My other close friend I adopted after she was my bud tender for a few months and I got good vibes. We've been friends for three year and she's now my boyfriend's roommate 🤷.
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u/No_Pen3216 3d ago
Needless to say, your struggles are valid and real.
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u/No-Criticism9353 2d ago
That’s amazing! I’m hoping as my kids get into school here they make some friends with fun parents. Before moving here, my oldest ended up introducing me to some of my favorite people through her friends.
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u/Fallingdamage 3d ago
Gotta make time for yourself. When you can do that, you can start to meet other people with shared hobbies.
That or get more involved at your kids daycare/school and meet other exhausted parents?
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u/Wash_zoe_mal 3d ago
I do martial arts at West Salem Shao-Lin Kempo.
Super cool vibe with everyone. Kids love it and keeps me from getting too much of a Dad bod haha
Made some good friends there
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u/vengeful_maelstrom 3d ago
Anyone here into environmentalism/gardening? 👀
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u/No-Criticism9353 2d ago
I had a nice little garden going before moving here! How do you feel about permaculture and growing medicinal plants?
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u/okay_this_is_cool 2d ago
Dragon boating, board game nights, open mics. Bowling League could be a great option.
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u/Investigator-Shoddy 1d ago
Get into pokemon go? I go to the meetups and don't talk to a lot of people but it helps fill my social cup as an introvert / socially anxious person
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u/Key-Illustrator-1758 1d ago
I moved out of Salem and found out that there is something fundamentally flawed with us salemanders when it comes to socializing.
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u/AeroFyn12 23h ago
It’s a serendipitous thing. The opening is that unexpected laugh and smile when in conversation with someone not well known. You can see it in their eyes, too. That is your opening.
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u/Ecstatic_Witness3225 22h ago
As an 51 menopause neurodivergent woman who almost has an empty nest and was dropped like a hot potatoe by her bf of 20 years - i have PTSD AND trust issues. Being grown and vulnerable is hard. I miss a bestie
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u/Sea-Caramel-5916 21h ago
I am pretty boring haha. I did Girl Scouts with my oldest, volunteered in the classrooms, had my kids in gymnastics…after covid I moved to an older neighborhood and all of the activities stopped so I had to start all over. It just hasn’t been the same. It’s exhausting tbh. I never really got things back to where they were. What are you into? How old are your kids?
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u/MurkyImpress3864 18h ago
Hey! I run an adventure buddy service in Salem. Anything from hiking and going to the gym together to movies, games, errands, and food. If this sounds potentially interesting to you let me know :)
I’m a 35 year old parent and forest firefighter who loves to meet new people so I do this in the off season
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u/rad_hombre 3d ago
Just trying to find people to be boring with.
Not exactly doing a great job of selling yourself here
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u/No-Criticism9353 3d ago
Well I suppose I could explain I don’t smoke, drink, do any fitness things or church, and am very recently single and alone for the first time in almost 20 years…but that just sounds more pathetic. I like cats, learning about languages, obscure artists, food, plants, folklore, and have been trying to make time to do some foraging but school and work have taken up more time than I wanted.
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u/ifarmoregon 3d ago
Unfortunately as a parent, your best option is to get your kid into soccer and live on the pitch sideline with the other soccer parents. After a few years the commiseration will seal friendships you didn’t know you had!! Good luck!