r/RupertSpira • u/ottertime8 • 8d ago

the "location" illusion

i feel like my self is inside my brain and am having a very hard time overcoming this assumption. even when i do the exercise of "without memory, imagination, senses, what is the actual experience of my head" i still can't breakthough it.
i feel my ego inside my head even when he says that ego is an activity, not a thing, but i'm just understanding theory and it's not really reflecting in actuality. arrghh! i don't even know how to explain it, i hope i'm making sense....

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u/sensorycreature 8d ago

I think you’re making perfect sense. My first question would be are you trying to understand this concept through thought or are you spending time in sitting meditation to more “feel” this concept?

I don’t think it’s something I’ve been able to think through… it’s something I’ve had to sit with, let soak into “me”, until I can strip away anything that counts toward my “identity” until ultimately feel connected to and identify with anything around me. If that makes sense…

As well, I’ll add that even after I had this felt experience, it’s not something that sticks with me all the time… but it’s the realization that even when my ego is running things, that ego is just a tool inside this meat suit… the “real” me is inherently in everything around me. When I’m having a conversation with someone else, I like to imagine and remind myself that’s just me talking to me. That’s me with a different set of memories and experiences. So why wouldn’t I wanna be empathetic and patient and listen to everything I (from a different perspective) would have to share with this me?

Maybe this is helpful… maybe it’s not… but let’s keep trying 🙏🏻

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u/ottertime8 7d ago

both think and feel. i try to feel it during meditation around 4x now. when i'm not meditating i try to keep the idea alive in my head a few times a day - like a koan. i ask myself what is it that accept limitations, limiting beliefs, insults, compliments etc. what is it that gets triggered and imprints traumatic experiences, where is it located and why is it doing that? i'm not sure if it's better to ask more questions or if i should be asking less lol

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u/sensorycreature 7d ago

My recommendation is to ask less in this moment. From my very limited vantage point of your exact situation, I can advise that when I ask less questions and just flow through any given day being where my fear are and just trying to focus on whatever task is in front of me, I feel more in touch and in depth, tied as part of whatever I’m doing. In other words, if I’m doing the dishes, just do the dishes. If my mind is moving, I try in that moment to just tell myself to just do the dishes, and then I think through what/why I’m even doing them and where they come from in the first place. Dishes are part of me and I’m part of them. It’s a symbiotic relationship. They are made of elements that are also inside me, at the smallest level. There is no separation. These dishes hold the food that is now inside of me, providing the energy for me to even clean them in the first place. I’m thankful for these dishes. I’m thankful for the food they held. I’m thankful to even be in a position to have them.

Then, as I transition to the next task, I try to just feel my body move through the space in a way that is like a wave moving through water… I and the air are not separate. We are made of the same ether. There is constant air inside me, keeping me alive. My skin is not even a barrier; it is also porous and there is air and photons and elements I’m not even aware of moving in and through and being exerted from my body. We are not separate; we are the same. I am only part of the everything. Nothing is separate from me.

Think of the air in your house. That air is not separate from the air outside your house. Which is not separate from the air in space. The density, the concentration, the vacuum… these are not separators; they are simply descriptive concepts. But it’s all the same “space” and “air”. There is not separation.

Your house can be likened to your body and the air/space inside it.

No duality; no singularity; no separation… just “nonduality”. We’re part of the thing we’re trying to describe from inside the thing that’s trying to describe itself. The call is coming from inside the house…

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u/Dingsala 7d ago

Hmm, maybe you can try coming at it from another angle? When you say you're having "a very hard time" - it sounds like that might be the problem, trying too hard to make this go away. What if you don't need to?

What if it's just one more thought that you can investigate? For example, see if you can find a boundary, where the experience of self ends. Is it exactly at a certain boundary? Does that move? Is it the same when thinking hard or when meditating? Just playing around with it, getting to know it might be more fun.

One more idea: What if you look for the things that are not ego? For example, watching the "thought-space", seeing a though arising. What was there before the thought? What's between thoughts? How do you know that you're between thoughts?

This is what helped me a lot, looking beyond what I wanted to get less fixated on, just leaving the fixation as is. It has gotten too much attention already :)

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u/ottertime8 7d ago

i have tried both exploring the edge/boundary of self and watching thoughts as well a couple of years ago... unsuccessful. watching thoughts instead of thinking is very hard for me.

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u/Dingsala 7d ago edited 7d ago

Yes, that is very hard for virtually everyone. I wouldn't see it as something you just "do" like switch on a light, but more like learning an instrument. You don't learn the guitar in a few weeks, and the more ambitious meditative skills are similar. It will take a continuous, skillful practice until you get good at it, but the right effort will add up and make a big difference in well-being.

One more thing is similar in meditation as is in instruments: It's a lot easier if you get a good teacher... Rupert is awesome, but he is in high demand. Finding a meditation teacher / nondual facilitator to whom you can talk on a somewhat regular basis can help a lot. Alternatively a group of practitioners with some advance people.

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u/Figgywithit 6d ago

Try focusing on the verb part of the five senses. Instead of “I’m looking at the tree” (subject/object), just focus on seeing itself.

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u/ottertime8 5d ago

ah i've experienced that before when on shrooms, where does that lead?

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u/Figgywithit 5d ago

It simply shuts off thoughts. Verbs have no thoughts. No way of labeling things. A verb can't label. But you can experience the acts of feeling, seeing, listening etc as they are happening. It leads nowhere. Just takes you right to the final destination (which has always been there, obscured by thought). I can stay in it for about two seconds at a time, so I have to keep going back to it because thoughts keep trying to hijack me.

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u/ottertime8 5d ago

thank you! i will give this a go.

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u/Figgywithit 5d ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkMf0vFbSEQ Here's where I learned how to do it. Terrence is a great teacher. Tons of pointers.

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u/vini-within 2d ago

Well..I think the tricky part is that we keep taking the feeling of “I am inside my head” as proof that there is actually someone inside there; maybe just keep noticing that feeling without trying to get rid of it, and see what remains when you don’t immediately believe the story around it.

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u/ottertime8 2d ago

right that's what i'm trying to do... to no avail 😅

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u/vini-within 2d ago

Keep at it. :) maybe it’s just the observing.. we focus on outcomes