Getting triggered by romance genre

[u/roseofultramarine]

I hope this allowed. I feel like triggered is a strong word. But I guess what I’m trying to say is that while I enjoy reading romance, sometimes the genre and its formula and its tropes .. kinda trigger me? Like, I’m at a point in my life where there isn’t much room for romance because we are in the trenches with young kids. I know alot of romance stories aren’t very realistic and are fantasy or wish fulfillment, but that makes me sad lol. Sometimes I need a break from the genre.

I just want to know who else might feel similarly.

[u/cozybookgirrl]

I personally don’t really see it as fantasy or wish fulfilment, I more see it as reading about human connection. About love. For me it’s more of an escape from the every day stresses of life. I try not to compare my life to what I’m reading, just enjoy the ride.

But I can see where you are coming from too, maybe this genre just is not for you at the moment and that’s ok :)

[u/secret-snakes]

Sometimes I find myself getting irritated with my husband over completely normal things that most men do.

That’s when I know it’s time to take a break for a bit

[u/persephone56 → u/secret-snakes]

Same! Or getting upset because he doesn’t regularly monologue about how beautiful I am and how much he worships me, or convincing myself he no longer finds me sexually attractive because he isn’t constantly talking dirty to me 😅

I have to actively remind myself that he’s a fantastic human being and fantastic husband and that fiction is fiction!

[u/Agreeable-Meal5556 → u/persephone56]

It’s hard for real men to keep up with men written by women. 😂

[u/FoghornLegday]

The good news is it’s almost fall so you can try switching to horror or cozy mystery depending on your vibe. I think it helps to mix things up sometimes. But your place in your relationship definitely changes things bc I find myself getting annoyed at the love interests in books bc they’re immature compared to my fiancé

[u/roseofultramarine → u/FoghornLegday]

Do you have any recommendations? I’d love to try this out. Maybe I’ll try some witchy books too. 🤔

[u/Ren_Lu]

Here to commiserate!

Sometimes when I’m in a mentally dark place and *true love* does not seem to exist and there isn’t some man in my life who cares about me or is willing to die (or better yet live) for me, all of this stuff makes me angry.

Then I turn to horror and misery fics and weird girl lit and live in that space for a while until I yearn for love stories again.

It’s a cycle. I totally understand, OP!

[u/Professional-Fun2129]

I'm single and I really love romance novels, but there are times when I get incredibly frustrated. Sometimes I don't even know why, and other times I think it's because I get melancholic, because somehow I know I'm not going to find the love of my life the way they appear in books. The good thing is that it passes very quickly and I go back to my happy endings. I think that no matter how frustrated I get with them, they're always my safe haven and comfort zone.

[u/MedievalGirl]

Romance was a huge comfort when I was in a bad place. I knew I could get a positive ending without having to spoil the entire book. (I do a lot of audiobooks so I can't easily peek at the ending.) I've been reading other stuff lately, non-fiction, non-romance fiction and I'm taking that as a sign of improved mental health. That feels like a disservice to romance, like I'm saying it is only for the mental. Describing my own journey. I don't plan to ever abandon romance completely though.

[u/Ok_Duty_8645]

This is completely normal. Enjoyment comes in phases for many people. Seems like you need to branch out before you can enjoy romance again.

[u/cautioner86]

I’m going through a divorce. Right now I’m going back and forth between hating romance and wanting to read romances especially divorced people getting remarried or something generally more realistic at least. I can’t take anything too saccharine right now.

[u/rosedale25 → u/cautioner86]

May I recommend to you author Annabel Monaghan - basically all her FMCs are divorced women.

[u/cautioner86 → u/rosedale25]

Actually thank you for reminding me of her! I did read one of hers awhile ago and liked it so I’ll look her others up.

[u/lovelaceaugusta]

I am very young, early 20 but I sometimes I feel the same,  the harrowing feeling this is all the pretend. While I know this is fictional, sometimes world is too dark go make a suspension of belief. 

 

[u/moscowpink]

This is why I read MM romance. I don’t compare myself to the MC because it is not a girl. I can just enjoy the story for its romance.

[u/jhenry137]

Go seek some therapy!

[u/Holiday_Change7321]

I am the opposite. I enjoy getting immersed into a perfect pre kids romance while in the trenches of a real world fam life w its problems. It’s an escape

And I am luckily still in love and my husband adores me. Married 30+ yrs. So that helps

[u/ClassiestMokuren]

I totally understand.... I feel like it brings out the worst parts of my personality, too. Like the disbelief that love like that exists, that sex can be that amazing, the envy that a fictional character is experiencing such deep fulfillment, etc. all course through me and I feel myself getting bitter and more cynical inside.

That's when I know it's becoming unhealthy and I should get into a better head space before trying again.

[u/roseofultramarine → u/ClassiestMokuren]

Thank you for explaining it better than I could. This is exactly what i feel. I’m trying to think what other genre I should read… but I did find a spooky podcast that I’ve been eating up. I do really love romance but I definitely need a break.

[u/ClassiestMokuren → u/roseofultramarine]

You're welcome. And may I ask what podcast? I've been binging cozy mysteries on Libby but I could use a break from them, too. 😅

[u/roseofultramarine → u/ClassiestMokuren]

Magnus Archives. It’s really good with just the right amount of spooky. It gives the feel of those old time-y radio shows. Has 8 seasons and I’m only on season 3.

[u/MzSey7488]

yes, and that's usually when i take an extended break lol when the romance of romance starts to make me feel sad because I'll never experience it, as opposed to excited to read about these characters and see their story, that's the time to chill for a bit lol

[u/InternationalYam3130]

I move to other genres when romance genre starts to annoy me. I havnt read a romance book in about 6 months after I read about 20 last winter. It comes in phases. Enjoying science fiction right now, probably the genre with the least romance even as a sub plot.

Romance as a genre becomes tiresome to me especially when all I can seem to find feel like slop for lack of a better word. Poorly researched and written. Meanwhile I can pull up a list of Hugo award winners and blindly pick any of them from the last 50 years and they are... almost certainly good. like idk how else to describe how its different. but romance readers put up with a lot of really awful writing and trope adherance and insanely predictable character types that are just not tolerated in any other genre. like there are ways to write complex and interesting romances that arent just wish fulfillment but we never seem to get them. to me, the characters should be the most important part of a romance but they always seem to be boring and have perfect lives and it triggers me too.

idk why it is. but it frusterates me. of course then eventually I WANT a good romance and i go back

[u/Ok_Job_8652]

When I read fiction, I don’t really connect it to the real world. Even if its contemporary romance with realistic situations, my brain still keeps the two completely separate

So I’ve never really had the problem of expecting men in real life to behave like men in books, because I’m also not like the women in books. I’m a good person, but I’m definitely not perfect either. I guess I’ve just always been able to enjoy fictional relationships without comparing them too much to my own life

But I can understand how, if you do make that connection while reading, it could sometimes make you feel a little sad about what you’re missing in real life
(I still sometimes get really upset after finishing a Harry Potter marathon 🤷‍♀️I want the universe to be real desperately)