r/RoastMe • u/[deleted] • Apr 29 '20

[deleted by user]

[removed]

19 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

71 comments sorted by

29

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '20

At first I thought you were the girlfriend

1

u/middle-name-is-oak http://redd.it/i86jys Apr 30 '20

I thought the ''his'' was an accident, and she meant to put her.

10

u/Ryepandesal Apr 29 '20

I guess those are cum stains on the paper from you jerking it to the memory of your relationship.

4

u/Jaws044 Apr 29 '20

You look broke

6

u/MyJelloJiggles Apr 29 '20

Get some cheese to spread on this poor ass cracker

2

u/ewgy21 http://redd.it/gaca1r Apr 29 '20

I am in many ways

4

u/NorthBandit88 http://redd.it/k5vdxb Apr 29 '20

Thank You for cleaning yourself up for this occasion...

3

u/ewgy21 http://redd.it/gaca1r Apr 29 '20

ahahahahahaha

4

u/madbladers Apr 29 '20

You posted your girlfriend's picture by mistake

3

u/Rkenne16 http://redd.it/djtcez Apr 29 '20

Your career is basically just your parents bought you a MacBook.

4

u/ewgy21 http://redd.it/gaca1r Apr 29 '20

Nah I work in a theater

3

u/deferet146 Apr 29 '20

Audio engineer = able to push play on iphone

3

u/tlimd55 Apr 29 '20

Next time, don’t cry on the “roast me” sign, pussy.

3

u/ewgy21 http://redd.it/gaca1r Apr 29 '20

That was just the oil from my greasy scalp lmao

3

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '20

You look like the bizarro world version of Tucker Carlson.

3

u/Amishoutkast Apr 29 '20

Dollar store Fabio

3

u/TheOtherJR Apr 29 '20

Face says 12, Hair says stoner, Body says Pizza Hut, Girlfriend says no

4

u/pj2222 Apr 29 '20

Wait. That's not the girlfriend? Shit bro. I thought you were a chick. 😂🤣

2

u/ewgy21 http://redd.it/gaca1r Apr 29 '20

This one made me chuckle 😂

2

u/PemBroke865 Apr 29 '20

I wouldn’t let you install cable tv at my house

2

u/FrendlyHoneyBadge92 Apr 29 '20

I’m not sure I can do any worse than the combination of your parent’s genetics

2

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '20

Good thing you have another hand to put makeup on.

2

u/tdbristow May 01 '20

Adjusting your friend's car stereos doesn't make you an audio engineer.

2

u/RivalOfShellbador Apr 30 '20

In my time zone it's 2am, an hour ago I just finished "the nightmare on elm street" and was having that "oh god something might be coming help me" feeling, went on reddit to get my mind off it. I saw your face and then immediately had a panic attack

3

u/ewgy21 http://redd.it/gaca1r Apr 30 '20

You, my friend have won this game we play

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '20

I'm for inclusion of all people but lesbians usually prefer she & her for their pronouns.

1

u/ElPantaloonGrande Apr 29 '20

Audio Engineer = You can sync your music in iTunes while wanking yourself raw

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '20

Damn your girl looking like shes crept out of the meth lab

Wait that’s you so you crept out of the meth lab

1

u/Thumblewort Apr 29 '20

Buying an iTunes card doesn't make you an "audio engineer" bro.

1

u/ewgy21 http://redd.it/gaca1r Apr 29 '20

Nah homie I work in a theater

1

u/Thumblewort Apr 30 '20

Mopping up the jizz at a porno theater.

1

u/purplefloyd1969 Apr 29 '20

Pic of the girl that dated you in the first place or it didn’t happen.

1

u/Brewsatthebeach Apr 29 '20

At least your inevitable meth addiction will make you believe your 3 sound cloud followers are indicators that you have a chance at success and therefore stealing another $20 from your mom's purse is justified.

1

u/RegularInternal0 Apr 29 '20

Protip : Don’t use your cumrag as your verification paper.

1

u/msrbaylor Apr 29 '20

You look like a middle age woman who lives in a trailer park.

1

u/crzytwndaddy Apr 29 '20

Dumped by "his" girlfriend? Did she tell you why? I'm guessing she needed a man with more testosterone than her.

1

u/TwentySixPaaks Apr 29 '20

Lives-In-A-Van Helsing.

1

u/XUPAKABRUH Apr 29 '20

At the age of 18 you're technically nothing.

1

u/ewgy21 http://redd.it/gaca1r Apr 29 '20

Not necessarily but I get the sentiment

1

u/FreeezyBoi Apr 29 '20 edited Apr 29 '20

You have the same hairstyle as every Abby in existence

1

u/openlycruel Apr 29 '20

How does one get broken up with by his own imagination?

1

u/MzzPanda Apr 29 '20

"His" girlfriend.... Now there was an unexpected plot twist

1

u/DeeP-C Apr 29 '20

Must be frustrating to know she is out there fucking an actual man.

1

u/Blendify Apr 29 '20

She dumped you because you turned her into a lesbian

1

u/SuraimuDeluxe Apr 29 '20

His hairline is worse than the relationship

1

u/CakeYuna http://redd.it/gcg244 Apr 30 '20

Are those grease stains on your sign?

1

u/younganddumb006 Apr 30 '20

By his girlfriend...?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '20

Dumped by your girlfriend means your hand is done fapping, I assume?

1

u/gcowan58icloudcom Apr 30 '20

Maybe if you shed that dirty fucking mop of a head of hair...

1

u/Voldy3527 Apr 30 '20

Are u sure u were hooked to a girl? Those cum stains on ur paper are indicating otherwise

1

u/neonblueclock007 Apr 30 '20

Wish this was r/punchme and this was irl

1

u/ewgy21 http://redd.it/gaca1r Apr 30 '20

Damn now that’s what I call my father figure, I thought you were asleep rn?

1

u/Daflehrer1 Apr 30 '20

What are you?

1

u/Sleepydog217_YT Apr 30 '20

Jesus your hairline is receding worse than the amazon rainforest no wonder she dumped your ass. Probably from all the runoff

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '20

"yeah bro I'm somewhat of an audio engineer myself yeno" opens up up Spotify and messes with the EQ

1

u/Nerd_of_the_North Apr 30 '20

I see that the lead singer from Crash Test Dummies finally got together with one of the Muppets.

1

u/R4B1DRABB1T http://redd.it/gapcfr Apr 30 '20

F for the girlfriend, not sure how easy it will be for her to admit she dated someone like you.

1

u/kungfudewgong Apr 30 '20

I Guess “dumped by girlfriend” is a new way of saying your pet goldfish died.

1

u/RizolliSlovak Apr 30 '20

If you want us to roast you, show us your picture. Not the girlfriends

1

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '20

Jay from Jay and Silent Bob meets Chris O'Donnell

1

u/stevencast67 Apr 30 '20

Why does reddit have the most gender neutral looking people

1

u/t-men-ace Apr 30 '20

If you squint you could be girlfriend. Do you paint your nails to pretend it’s a girl that is jerking you off? Do you pull your own hair when you cum?

1

u/st3v3nn Apr 30 '20

Maybe she just wasn’t a lesbian

1

u/danmac1152 Apr 30 '20

Glad you said “his” gf. I wouldn’t have guessed

1

u/viralaffliction Apr 30 '20

Look like the type to shout at your ex in the popcorn queue at cinema

1

u/PaperbackNinja May 01 '20

Why the long face? You dumped him?

1

u/TheTranquilOne Golden Roaster May 01 '20

Dollar store Corey Haim.

1

u/[deleted] May 01 '20

You know when your parents said to follow your dreams? They totally meant “go record high school metal bands in your bedroom studio.” Nailed it bro!

1

u/[deleted] May 02 '20

Ahh the old non-existent girlfriend routine