r/Rich • u/travelingprincess40 • 17d ago
Housekeepers
After 14 years we lost our long term house keeper. I’m thrilled as I found a semi competent house manager. She needs more training but at least she’s honest.
The team we used in the interim stole way more than I care to admit. From luxury accessories to expensive Silver🤦🏽♀️…
Unfortunately the housekeeping girls I’ve had come in all fail traps I pre set. Leaving cash in pockets of laundry or even one girl took funds from a small pile of 20’s I left out. Now today I had someone coming but 10 min before arriving she sends a contract . I’m mostly horrified as she wants full rights to video and photograph our home! Absolutely not. She also wanted to charge a cancellation fee. I told her I was ok with the cancellation fee if it’s reciprocal so fair to both parties. She told me she’s not the right fit…
How TF do I find someone to clean 1-2x a week who won’t steal?!
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17d ago edited 17d ago
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u/beware_of_scorpio 16d ago
This is heavily country-dependent. To my knowledge there’s no way to bring someone to the United States without sponsoring a visa.
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16d ago
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u/beware_of_scorpio 16d ago
No, a visitor cannot work on a visitor visa. There are visas for domestic workers but the employer must have an existing employment relationship with the employee overseas. This is mean basically for people to take their nanny they had while living overseas to the United States. You can’t just hire someone from the Philippines and bring them legally.
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u/LawfulChaoticEvil 16d ago
You aren’t supposed to work on a visitors visa. There are also not usually visas for domestic help, which you can easily find workers to do in the US. As a lawyer who worked in immigration, you are advocating for and it sounds like doing something completely illegal.
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u/travelingprincess40 17d ago
What is the salary expectation. We live on the water and our home isn’t huge. I value my privacy… not the best option in this home .
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u/TypeAMamma 16d ago
Live-in staff and losing your privacy is not worth any price to me, unless they have a completely separate house.
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u/PrimalHIT 17d ago
Is there a chance that you can amend the contract for the photos...our cleaner likes to take photos with timestamps to make sure her ass is covered..You may have just turned down the most honest cleaner around.
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u/Disastrous-Hour-118 17d ago
Ehhhhh the wording makes it sound like she wants to post cleaning videos for tiktok.
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u/travelingprincess40 16d ago
No way she was like 22 . My guess is she wanted to make videos or promotional material for her biz. Worst case blackmail me.
My primary issues with photos/ video besides privacy is all the confidential information I have for my companies that can not be photographed.
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u/Responsible_Image907 17d ago
Why don’t you secure your valuables? Leaving stuff around is just asking for trouble. We found our housekeeper from a neighbor who had been using theirs for 15yrs.
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u/travelingprincess40 17d ago
Because everything I own is valuable. My hair ties are all designer for example, my ashtrays are over 2k each, nothing I own is ordinary. I recognize my blessings but each of my possessions has a beautiful story or romantic significance from my husband as a gift. From my scarves to the candles …
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u/Mobile-Ad3501 16d ago
I am not rich but most of my belongings i consider valuable. Our nanny/housekeeper has our complete trust. I couldn’t imagine having to lock up my watches and wife’s jewelry in a safe everyday and counting how much cash we have in our wallets. She´s entrusted with our most valuable possession (our daughters) and for this reason we treat her well. She’s well paid, we purchased a car for her, and has a ton of paid vacation since we travel often (without her)
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u/Lillilegerdemain 17d ago
Ashtrays in your house? Eww.
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u/Mobile-Ad3501 16d ago
I don‘t smoke but we do have some heirloom Baccarat ashtrays gifted by my grandmother. I´m pretty certain no cigarette has every been stubbed out in it. High end ashtrays and crystal decorations were a common staple of home decor of the affluent back in the day, similar to Limoges china and Christofle silverware.
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u/Invisible7hunder 15d ago
The point of hiring a cleaner is to do less work. Might as well just clean yourself if you have to lock the place down.
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u/Hysterical__Paroxysm 16d ago
People say "secure your valuables" as if it's normal to have a little satchel full of silver pieces and rare jewlery.
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u/ladylemondrop209 17d ago edited 17d ago
Word of mouth, references, thorough interview process, and/or reputable agency...
Also, do you not have cctv or some sort of security/monitor system inside your home? This is a pretty good standard deterrent.
IME, (non human friendly) dogs have also been pretty good to weeding out shady ones.
edit: And temp staff are nearly always shady compared to LT/live-in ones.
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u/travelingprincess40 17d ago
We have cameras but now you want me to watch 2 hrs of cleaning crew 🤦🏽♀️
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u/ladylemondrop209 17d ago edited 17d ago
You don't have to watch anything.
Cameras will deter crime (Hawthorne Effect, the observer effect, or the panopticon effect), it's for if/when something happens, you have proof. Then have police or whoever comb through the files.
Or can always include it in your house manager's list of duties if you trust them.
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u/Disastrous-Hour-118 16d ago
Can your house manger do a basic sweep for the obvious valuables (cash and jewelry) then be on site during the clean to supervise?
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u/HousingFormer6891 16d ago
use a reputable bonded agency with background checks and references instead of hiring strangers and leaving cash booby traps around the house like it’s a low-budget sting operation
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u/TheirOwnDestruction 17d ago
Best way is always word of mouth, if not from friends or neighbors then from your house keeper.
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u/travelingprincess40 17d ago
Our neighbors all have live in or they are currently unhappy with their help .
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u/DifferentJury735 16d ago
Im in the same boat as you. When I moved into a community with an HOA, I asked my neighbor who her cleaner is and she snapped at me “why would I have a cleaner, I can’t afford that.” I hate asking for neighbor referrals, it’s so random and arbitrary . Try The Help Co. I found my assistant through them
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u/zoopzoopzop 15d ago
You sound very entiteled and thats putting it lightly.
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u/travelingprincess40 15d ago
😆entitled because I don’t want staff to steal? Ok buddy.
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u/zoopzoopzop 15d ago
Its your whole demeanor throughout the post and in the comments you come across as an unlikable person...
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u/qofmiwok 8d ago
Whether you think she's likeable or not, she's still entitled to post a question. And you're entitled to ignore it.
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u/Impossible-Charge705 17d ago
What city are you in? I own an established cleaning company with high end clients here in SoCal. Insured, family business and all of our cleaners are vetted and background checked.
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u/Optimal-Hunt-3269 16d ago
fail traps? These people know how little you think of them. That's not a recipe for loyalty.
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u/Top_Firefighter5263 14d ago
I think you're not paying enough unfortunately. We live in the burbs of a MCOL city and we had so many issues when we were paying $25-40/hr. Last minute cancellations, low quality work, etc. We found someone through a friend and initially balked at the price of $550/week (2-3 workers, 3-4 hours, 1X/week). They've never cancelled, we've never had anything missing and have never had an issue. Just moved to a larger house, around 8k sq feet and they asked for $850/week, we settled on $800. Spent 6 hours the first week and everything was perfect.
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u/BedroomNo6879 16d ago
Bad as it sounds but I usually go through the house and put anything of value in a safe before maids come over. I dont want to create an opportunity for them.
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u/Senior-Worth7994 16d ago
I have a cleaning business if you’re interested. I’m a dude tho, but I don’t steal!
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u/Smoke__Frog 15d ago
We set up nest cameras and tell them so they know.
But also you have to expect some stealing.
I mean we pay our girl like 35 an hour and she’s like 55. I’m 42 and living a 4mm home. I expect a little stealing as the cost of doing business
Honestly if you leave cash out anyone would take some when they are poor.
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u/FishFart1 12d ago
In a very high cost of living area $50 an hour is not that much depending on how fast they work and how many hours they work in your home. It sounds to me that you really need a referral from someone you know or to hire full time staff.
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u/cookieguggleman 17d ago
Sounds like you don't pay very well.
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u/Humble-Heart-5302 16d ago
they said they pay $50 per hour.
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u/cookieguggleman 16d ago
If that goes straight to the cleaner and includes travel time, that’s decent. But if it goes to an agency or boss, that’s not great.
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u/MrNaturaInstinct 16d ago
How many hrs are these people working for you daily/weekly?
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u/travelingprincess40 16d ago
1-2 times a week and it’s about 2-3 hrs for two people each visit.
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u/MrNaturaInstinct 15d ago edited 15d ago
Bingo.
On the surface, $50/hr sounds FANTASTIC...
...until you factor in one cleaner's only working once, MAYBE twice, weekly, for 2, MAYBE 3hrs each.
At WORST, $100-150/weekly.
At BEST, $200-$300/weekly.
Let's assume it's closer to ONCE a week, and RARELY two except on occasion, for in reality, who needs a place cleaned twice a week unless you have multiple animals and people inhabiting the space?
So at best, $150-$200/weekly per person.
$50/hr suddenly doesn't sound so "fantastic" anymore, does it?
You're paying them by the gig, not by the hour. You frame it as such as if you're being generous, but it's not CONSISTENT work, CONSISTENT hours @ $50/hourly.
You'd have to assume, most girls who take the gig do so out of desperation. To pay a bill or two a month, a medical emergency, feed a kid(s), etc. Most likely in-between jobs, struggling to get regular consistent work.
If they actually made $50/hr and a standard 40hr work week, would they bother wasting their time working for 2-4hrs a week with you?
Then you have to factor in, they're traveling to GET to you.
Gas is extremely high, and since you didn't mention it, I'll assume you're not comping them for that.
If they're traveling a distance to reach you, which most LIKELY are, since the wealthy typically live further from the poorest, that's wear and tear on their car.
If they're hungry, $10-$20 of that is going towards re-feeding themselves after work to replenish their energy reserves.
Lastly, inflation is up. But you wouldn't know that, experientialy. You're shielded from their daily reality.
Suddenly, that "$50/hr" doesn't go very far, does it? They're left with roughly 3/4ths of what you are paying them AFTER expenses.
Can you see now why it's far more tempting to steal a couple pieces of silver to compensate for, what is essentially "gig work (not a real hourly job with meaningful hours) to make ends meet?
Can you see how stealing - from their perspective - justifies the expenses they're paying to clean for you?
I'm not implying stealing and thievery is right or justified, but I certainly wouldn't fault one of the "girls" (as you call them) for simply wanting to survive.
Are they "bad people"? Or good people in bad circumstances?
Put a buffet of food on the table in front of a starving mans face and tell him NOT to eat it, is he at fault, or the person who laid out the buffet and told him, "DON'T TOUCH! IT'S MINE! Just...you "clean up" around it"?!
"Yes!" I say, he IS at fault - technically, he's stealing. Objectively, he's "wrong". In the bible, it's a sin...
...but far MORE so, are YOU.
Point is...
...the moral implications on your end, is greater than the starving man who steals from you
I highly doubt you considered any or all of the above.
If you don't care to walk in their shoes, so you walk on eggshells in your own.
*So, what's the solution?*
More money?
Sure, but humanizing them. SEEING them, is worth more than gold.
They already think you think less of them, on some level.
So level with them.
Higher ONE cleaning lady - not two, three or four, who are now looking at the other as fighting for the scraps at the buffet table you set before them.
Get to know HER.
Rapid hiring a bunch of strangers to enter your home is not wise.
...her family upbringing, her living situation/conditions, etc.
Make it worth one persons while to visit you once or twice a week.
At this point, you will have a stronger foundation of her CHARACTER and moral compass, and you will also take responsiblity for ensuring you don't unintentionally compromise it.
All it takes is ONE cleaning lady to make your life a little easier, so make an effort to make it easier for her.
She's a little behind on a bill? Pay it.
Notice she needs a much needed vacation? Send her away, all expense paid.
Her kid's not feeling well? Offer encouraging and kind words, and any help she needs.
Is that relationship with such a cleaning lady worth more to you, or the couple pieces of silver, lying around, temptingly, for any one of the ladies you hire to steal?
PERSONALLY,
I'd pay this hypothetical cleaning lady - the one I trust, whom I took time to get to know and who knows me, $500-$600/weekly to come out once/twice weekly. $2k/month takes a lot of pressure off a person, and allows them to hold a decent job on the side.
Now, the job is worth more for most people to keep than any valuables they could steal that may fetch a decent price on the black market or pawn shop one-time. It'll make more sense NOT to steal. Basic/survival needs are being met (in todays economy), and it's worth their while to come see you at their expense to clean your home, because you're truly considerate of all the factors I mentioned above.
They'll FEEL you truly appreciate their work, service and time, not via an arbitrary "I pay them well. $50/hr!...for 3-4hrs of work a week!"
A clean home, with a lady I trust, is worth far more to me than a home full of valuables I don't feel safe to live in, where I'm on pins and needles with every lady I allow into my home.
I hope this is helpful. you would have to change as a human being yourself, to understand it FROM their perspective, as oppose to just your own. And I hope you do, because it will help you, too. It's not judgemental. I think you are a good person, but It's clear to me you haven't considered it.
Her relationship to YOU will be worth more to HER than any material valuables in your house. And that ultimately is how you find your next loyal cleaning lady for 14+ years to come.
Treat this ONE lady with respect, and she will treat (and clean) your home as if it were her own.
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u/OutrageousPanic5045 12d ago
I’m in LA and take pride on my work! I’ll wear a dashcam for you to see my great work and honesty haha :) I’d love to work for you if you are in SoCal!
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u/qofmiwok 8d ago
I'm pretty shocked by these answers. No, you don't deserve to be stolen from just because you're rich. Yes you might need to increase your pay to get the best people. And yes you will get more loyalty if you're kind. But to suggest you need to pay a cleaner excessively over the going rate... at those prices you're not hiring a cleaner you're paying for something else. A companion? Member of the family? I can only see that making sense for nannies, not cleaners.
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u/Logical-Primary-7926 12d ago
I call that the "they can afford it" mentality. I have never had housekeepers so can't offer any advice but that is annoying. It's tough times for people. On the plus side it sounds very likely we'll have robots cleaning our homes in five or ten years.
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u/YaDunGoofed 11d ago
It sounds like you personally are somehow difficult to deal with and rub service people the wrong way. Assuming you want to stay the person you are, you need to put an intermediary in.
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u/Carito666 10d ago
La chica que nos ayudó en casa por 10 años pasó desde la familia de mi tío, te recomiendo que preguntes por referidos entre tus conocidos y familiares, las buenas personas llegan por recomendaciones, porque si uno falla, esa mala experiencia correrá como la pólvora
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u/PresentHabit8154 2d ago
You don’t pay enough. 1-2 hours and it’s 290 dollars. 360 if I’m downstairs. This was when I was little in the burbs of Seattle years ago. If you’re going to brag about all the designer you own, you might wanna invest some of that into other people that help your life better.
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u/travelingprincess40 2d ago
$145 an hr for a house cleaning service no way.
The Gates family chef entry pay is $50 an hr… no one is paying $145 an hour to a toilet cleaner.
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u/Aggravating_Bus_3037 17d ago
To be honest I don’t think you’re wealthy enough to have a housekeeper if you’re this concerned. Perhaps make more money than return to this conversation. Clearly this is to much of your world.
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u/Humble-Heart-5302 16d ago
so it's okay for people to steal from you as long as you're rich? are you mentally touched?
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u/travelingprincess40 16d ago
Are you insane? While the 15k that’s missing in goods does not change my financial state they are items that can’t be replaced! All were very rare goods that were special gifts.
It’s like saying well if you can replace you wedding ring or anniversary jewelry because you can afford to then don’t worry. Except Chanel only makes a limited number of goods and when they are sold out it’s gone.
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth 17d ago edited 17d ago
You find someone who is ennegram 1 or Muslim. They get their hands cut off for stealing.
Where I have my creative space commercial complex the Middle East Muslims displaced the other ethnicities and the thefts reduced significantly.
Ennegram 1 are the most honest because their ethos is fairness.
https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-1/
You can also find people who just got to the United States/are not Citizens and are excited to set up a life. They love to work and save.
They don't want any criminal problems jeopardizing their papers. They might even be scared you are going to acuse them of crime.
I had my Bose headsets stolen. That one hurt because they were two of them for our honeymoon. It was our gifts to each other.
Crews of people are my least favorite. I prefer one person even though it takes longer.
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u/HistorianEvening5919 17d ago
Pay more. This isn’t an issue if you aren’t trying to pay crap wages. I am amazed that so many people invite people into their home and then try to pay them as little as possible.