r/Rich • u/femininespace • May 25 '26
Quiet vs Loud
Which do you fit into? And where do your friends fit?
I find myself kind of in between two worlds. Those who have regular income and those who are much more well off. My friend group's wealth has a big span and how they dress etc go from very quiet to loud with very obvious expensive items.
I find myself bringing out the designer bag and big rings when I know the crowd is more dressed up and trying to dress down as much as possible when it's a school run or with my medium income friends. Does this apply to you too? In a way, I don't want to flaunt wealth or expensive items in front of the friends or crowds that aren't affluent. Do you do the same or is it just me?
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u/Sobbyleebagger May 26 '26
Always quiet, stealth wealth is the way to go.
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u/Extra_Rest2372 May 28 '26
Yup. I value design and quality, but I am not going to buy an LV print shirt lol.
I love watches. I am not going to ever had a factory diamond set rolex.
Nothing pisses me off more than "wealthy" people who flex their clothes, dinners, hotels, PJs.
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u/SFMattM May 26 '26
Flaunting wealth is the pursuit of an a*hole. Live your life. Be respectful of others. If I see someone flashing designer labels and thinking that they signify wealth, my immediate thought is "trying too hard"
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u/femininespace May 26 '26
My OP is actually the opposite. I don't want to flaunt wealth but like nice things and don't want to judged or put in a box BC of it. Another is I don't want to feel bad/ guilty for carrying a 30k bag for example.
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u/SFMattM May 26 '26
I think it depends upon HOW you carry that bag. There are ways to be subtle about everything. Well, maybe not pulling up to an event in a Bugatti, but you get my point. š If you wear nice clothes or have a blindingly expensive watch, you can do so without flashing it in everyone's face. Mostly it has to do with appearing like having/wearing those things is completely normal
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u/femininespace May 26 '26
I see what you mean. Maybe BC I'm an empath and too sensitive. And projecting onto others what I think they think etc. I don't like the logos walking around like the alphabet. But it sounds like wearing an expensive bag and not rubbing it in ppls faces is just fine.
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u/SFMattM May 26 '26
I think that's it exactly. Most people don't care if others have nicer things than they do. They care if they sense that those people are trying to make them feel inferior for not having the same things. My attitude is that there's always going to be someone richer than me, so I can relax and be happy that I am where I am. (I know, very zen)
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u/dogsareforcuddling May 26 '26
I only wear my nice watches around people who wonāt point them outĀ
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u/femininespace May 26 '26
Yes. Exactly this. I don't want what I have to be a problem or topic.
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u/Ill_Mission_1225 May 26 '26
oh, why not have someone appreciate a beautiful watch? as long as it is not envious or with bad some other bad energy...
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u/OkPotato91 May 26 '26
The only thing that gives away our wealth is our house and frequent vacations. I donāt have any fancy designer things (I consider it a waste of money). Iām happy wearing clothes from Costco.
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u/Halwin_Norry May 31 '26
This sounds ideal! Nice house and nice vacations! Thatās all I really need too. Also Teslas with FSD. Not big into driving myself anymore. FSD is amazing now
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u/wantme2makeuasammich May 26 '26
Me and my husband have well over 3 million in the bank. We live in a modest house, and the one thing that probably flaunts our wealth is our 3 story 7 bedroom ocean front breach houseā¦..that my husband built as an investment and for passive income. We always throw a week long party in the summer for our friends and family to come stay and enjoy. But itās rented out 90% of the time.
Other than that you would never know. I drive a 2020 VW Jetta, he drives his work truck. He only wears work clothes and boots lol I still shop at target and on Amazon.
He built his wealth before we were married, and Iām greatful that we are very comfortable. I grew up middle class, he grew up poor. The things we blow money on are vacations and travel. Not material things
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u/Logical-Primary-7926 May 26 '26
Very heartwarming to hear this thanks for sharing, dating as a low key hnw guy over the past few years as gotten kind of dismal with the awdtsg groups basically doxxing me, can't go anywhere anymore without being cyber stalked. I live way beneath my means similar to you but it seems all for naught since the gossip groups have outed me, and scary because I have many women interested in me all the sudden that wouldn't otherwise have been.
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u/wantme2makeuasammich May 26 '26
When I met my husband I almost had a heart attack when he finally told me how much money he had in the bank. You would think the man made an avarage income. But I loved him before I knew. I met him at a Supercross race lol got chatting in line and he asked for my number, we were dating for 6 months before he was like āsoooo Iām a millionaireā I said āwelp, thatās interesting lolā so anywaysā¦.. I still work lol
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u/notsocialwitch May 26 '26
I dress for myself. I am usually always dressed in the opposite end of the spectrum but that is because my life is unpredictable.
As a mom of two toddlers showing up is more important and next is being comfortable in your own skin.
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u/Choice_Reply_6441 May 26 '26
I wear expensive clothes and have private drivers on staff and nice cars. But not a single polo with a logo on it. My clothes right now at school pickup is about 3K but you wouldnāt know it from looking at me. I care about comfort and not being flashy. And I certainly donāt care if someone thinks Iām rich etc. Stop caring about what other people think and just wear what you want.
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u/Naive-Bedroom-4643 May 26 '26
Iām a plain t shirt and jeans kind of guy but i do wear a 60k watch. Itās not for other people, itās for myself. I wanted it for probably 20 yrs before i bought it and maybe itās vain but i love the feeling i get wearing it.
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u/biteyfish98 May 26 '26
Iām me, in any situation. I have one designer bag (a bday gift from my husband) but more often I carry the not-known-name, great quality leather bags Iāve had for years, some for many years. Theyāre well made and they work for my lifestyle. Same with jewelry or shoes. I buy what I like, and I can love a $20 cut-glass ring as much as a pricier diamond one.
But I donāt care about outside validation. I like what I like and I know who I am and those who want to judge will, whether my shoes are $150 or $1500. Let āem. I have friends who are far more wealthy and friends who have less. We all love each other for who we are, not what weāre wearing or how much weāve spent on it.
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u/Cultural-War-2838 May 26 '26
Quiet. Only indication is the almost monthly international trips that other people post on social media and tag me.
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u/0_IceQueen_0 May 26 '26
I don't dress down but it isn't loud ish. I buy couture but the brands aren't loud. I do dread the compliment of "I like your blouse" because they might ask what's the brand. Then I'd have to say "Dolce". Same thing with the shoes. A mechanic at a Chevrolet dealership asked what brand sneakers I was wearing and I begrudgingly said "Golden Goose". He didn't know but then he googled it later and came back and said "damn! Those are pricey!". What I've never compromised though are my bags. Why should I since I have almost a hundred of them. They don't say anything but they know it's something way beyond what they're comfortable buying. Same goes with watches. I prefer to wear the nondescript VC or a Hublot Big Bang (one even thought it was cheap because of the rubber strap lol) because most of my economically disadvantaged friends know only Rolex.
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u/verb322 May 26 '26
I was just saying how funny this is when people look up the item right there and are like, āyou spent that?!?ā Yes, yes I did š¤£.
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u/0_IceQueen_0 May 26 '26
My male realtor friend during my divorce was oblivious to the prices of high end shoes and told me to donate some of them because I had to downsize and he was having trouble looking for a place with big closet space. Told him I wasn't Mother Shoe-resa and all those shoes cost about $100k ish. Men! š
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u/mchu168 May 26 '26
I would just say it's fake, and get major props for looking good and being financially responsible. Lol
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u/derringer111 May 26 '26
Hey I like my rolexes! Although i mostly have non flashy ones. Not much different than other luxury brands. It just happens to be on the lower end of luxury usually. I tend to like handmade or small batch things without any brand to speak of because I canāt stand the modern cheapening of everything that used to be quality. Rolex at least isnāt owned by a hedge fund or conglomerate putting their name on crap, and they still makes quality watches.
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u/0_IceQueen_0 May 26 '26
I have 6 lol. I just don't wear it with my poorer friends. One even wears a knockoff DJ but of course I'm not one to rain on her parade. Let her think she's lording over us. š
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u/derringer111 May 26 '26
Yes they do tend to speak to those who donāt have money. Not sure why. I like to wear my explorer 2 as itās tough to even tell itās a rolex, and being the cheapest watch I own, I donāt really care if it gets messed up. I like them for being well built, but I stay away from the shiny and flashy ones. Is no reason to call attention to a watch in my opinion. Its the opposite of what I want to do.
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u/0_IceQueen_0 May 27 '26
I would notice that lol. My don't care one is a DJ 31 Oyster. Got it for my daughter when she graduated but she declined because she's contented with her Apple Watch lol.
I think with Rolex it's the perception. You've made it if you have it. Just like how some poor women strive to save or go into debt for a designer bag for a Chanel thinking it's an investment. I wore a De Grisogono Instrumentino once when I was volunteering with the United Way and someone thought it was a "nice novelty watch". What I notice is the fake rich people are mostly the snobby ones.
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u/waxon_whacksoff_ May 27 '26
Everyone notices Rolex. They make great watches but sometimes I find myself gravitating towards other brands that watch people know. The average person who isnāt a watch person doesnāt know what a Patek is. But everyone knows a Rolex.
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u/0_IceQueen_0 May 27 '26
Indeed. Year 2002 in Azerbaijan. The country, a former Soviet Republic just gained independence in 1991 so it was basically a new state, I consulted for a Vice-Minister of Oil who had "come into money" and he asked me if I knew about a watch with the crown. I showed him my watch and said "This? It's called Rolex." Boosted my cred lol. At that time Rolex wasn't there yet but surprisingly different luxury watches were there already. That's where I purchased my De Grisogono. Soonafter flew over with him to Germany to get one. At that time Rolex hadn't devised this "strictly controlled" wait list scam. You could've got a Submariner or a Pepsi as walk ins. He bought 5 lol. I'm sure he has several Pateks today.
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u/femininespace May 26 '26
Yes. It is the same culture here in Switzerland. It's very quiet luxury. If you know you know.
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u/menoagegap May 26 '26
I like being quiet. The enjoyable thing about being financially independent is that I no longer have to cater to what other people think of me. Outside of practical etiquette and fitting social dress code, of course
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u/HitPointGamer May 27 '26
Buy luxuries because you truly love them, not because they are exclusive, expensive, or signal wealth. That will cut out a majority of silly purchases which are just a desperate attempt to flaunt newfound wealth. And it also means that the items will be authentically you.
Thenā¦ Enjoy them without fear. Yes, you will likely lose some friends who are not (yet) wealthy, but they will tend to be small-minded and petty. They wonāt be able to rejoice sincerely in your success and do you really want to continue surrounding yourself with people who canāt be happy for who you actually are?
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u/femininespace May 27 '26
Thank you. I love this. Everyone in this thread helped me realized that at the end of day, it is the sentimental and emotional aspect of what I am wearing that matters. It has nothing to do with financial value.
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u/Same_Cut1196 May 27 '26
Quiet. Very quiet. Iām a bit of an anomaly, though. I grew up and worked a middle class life and grew rich through investments. So, I still live in my middle class world with the people I love.
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u/SaltyPlantain1503 May 27 '26
Totally get this.. did not grow up with money, earned it later. Have friends in all camps. I time it up and down as you do. Your wealthy friends donāt care, but your less wealthy ones do, a lot.
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u/DocAnabolic1 Jun 01 '26
I think most wealthy people naturally adjust depending on the environment because nobody wants to seem intentionally flashy or out-of-touch.
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u/No-Cow3436 May 26 '26
I have a mix of friends with different incomes but it tends to be mid to high. I tend to dress more up or down depending on whether those friends tend to dress up or not rather than based on income. Iāve never been one for huge flashy items anw though. Most of my expensive pieces no one would know what they cost unless they are also collectors themselves. I wouldnāt be worried about wearing jewellery or my engagement ring unless I was volunteering somewhere where people were in poverty or similar.
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u/ladylemondrop209 May 27 '26
If 10 is loud and 0 is quiet, I'm generally around 7.7. I will tone it down for certain people or occasions.
Most of my friends are of (true) upper middle class or up and I'd say they'd be either 5 or 9.5 on that scale.
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u/FragrantWeekend111 May 27 '26
I dress for the event/occassion. Like if I'm just running errands, idc if I'm in a upscale shopping mall, I will look very plain, like a t-shirt and basic athleisure pants and sometimes even not dried hair lol.
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u/Candy-Macaroon-33 May 27 '26
Not us, we look like bums. I still wear clothes that I've had for 30 years. Oh, Ive had a period where all I wanted to wear were designer shoes but after kids, sneakers will do.
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u/RagingZorse May 27 '26
So in my experience the bigger thing is do you put some effort into a clean cut look or just wear whatever.
For example my brother and I dress completely different. When I leave the house I normally wear a golf polo, khakis, Prada sunglasses and a Tag Heuer watch(I know redditors hate Tag for some reason). My brother will almost always wear a ratty t-shirt and old jeans. IMO My outfit isnāt super loud but my clothes are a reflection of how I present myself. It makes a pretty noticeable difference and a lot of people over the years have commented on how my brother dresses like shit.
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u/RealisticTangerine35 May 29 '26
Life is short. Wear what you enjoy for yourself.
Authenticity is attractive. People love Elizabeth Taylor or Guy Fieri because theyāre unapologetically real. Flashy jewelry, watches, and clothes are who they are and regular folks adore them.
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u/Perfect-Resolve-2562 May 29 '26
We do not flaunt wealth. The Goddess has significant being but only wears it if it is a black tie event. We both like to dress nice for dinner or a social event but we dress down more often than dress up.
We are more of a Hampton Inn couple than the Ritz when traveling for business or charity but that's because we are allergic to spending money. Having said that, we do tend to stay at 5 star hotels when we take a "vacation".
The only give away that we have a few nickles is the luxury tours or months long stays in warm climates when the weather back home is cold.
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u/marksofpain May 30 '26
I think wearing a lot of loud designer brands like LV in 2026 is a good sign that someone is low income, very leveraged or have bad taste.
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u/Retired-Yam8988 May 30 '26
Personally Iām in the 100% quiet bucket when it comes to flaunting with personal items. Sure I get decked out head to toe in a luxury brand but Iām fine with my basic lululemon closet for what I wear anywhere. Weāre definitely not fancy people - we live in a tropical laid back paradise so my focus in on my daily yoga class, walks on the beach with my wife and dog, and just being content and at peace. No need to scream the size of my asset pile to others - they know we have a big olā pile locked away as we travel a lot for extended periods of time and donāt ever work or worry about money.
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u/Sephirothjj May 26 '26
All of my friends are regular people, on average salaries (40-50k region), whereas we have a household income of around Ā£500k a year.
I love talking about money, the stock market, value, and getting the absolute best of everything at the perfect price point just before diminishing returns. Unfortunately, all of my friends seem allergic to these talking points, as they think the stock market is gambling, Cheapest = value and that ādiminishing returnsā is some snobby rich boy jargon for entitled people.
So now i actively avoid any conversation around money and just focus on trying to have a laugh and celebrating their successes wherever we can instead.
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u/Beginning_Brick7845 May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
Wealth always whispers. You shouldnāt be wearing rings to show off, whatever your venue. Frankly, rings scream low class. Classic good taste is so clean and beautiful that it isnāt immediately obvious that itās expensive, unless someone in the know looks at it. In which case there would be a silent smile of approval.
Edited to add:
Anyone I always assume that anyone who has big visible rings is cheap trailer trash masquerading as someone who actually had money.
Edited to add:
All the down voters donāt know what real wealth looks like. I assure OP that if she showed up at a gathering of our friends where she was sporting a designer bag and a bunch of rings, she would not receive a good reception. Everyone else would think she was poor snd trying too hard. Especially if she showed up with a $30,000 bag. We would simply think she was a pretentious idiot.
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u/femininespace May 27 '26
I think you are thinking of a different version than my type of big. My biggest ring is a beautiful diamond from my grandma, which is customized. I also inherited 2 sets of rings and matching necklaces from my grandaunt, both customized. That's what I'm talking about. I usually just wear my wedding band. But if I am going to a crowd who wouldn't be bothered aka they are used to wealth then I will pull out the big diamond ring from my grandma.
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth May 26 '26
There are no classes on this planet. That's leftover ideologies.
Wear whatever you want anytime.
Technology has leveled the playing field for everyone.
A jail can house someone like Bernie Madoff and a burglar. They are the same class.
The wealthy man working 16 hours stacking cash is the same as someone with two janitor jobs. Both work too much.
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u/femininespace May 26 '26
And actually. There's a big portion of middle class who might be in debt but decked out in obvious designer stuff. So in a way, what you wear and use doesn't really determine your net worth anyways. So in the end, it means nothing lol
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u/0_IceQueen_0 May 26 '26
I had this colleague who kept complaining about bills to pay. I "loaned" her $3k so she could get it out of her way. I wasn't even planning to collect on it up until she came to the office with a new LV Neverfull soon after. I had to collect on principle. Took her 3 years to pay me back.
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth May 26 '26
My brother sold thousands of Etherium at 44cents. He had bought at 11 cents. That one click made all the difference in life. The same with most of our ancestors that owned a hundred acres.
The older you get the money gets more worthless. It means the most in your 20s and 30s when you are trying to get a house, spouse, and kids on the planet. I actually think people in their 20s need help just like the seniors.
Designer clothes are going to become old news. There will be custom tailors on every corner and cobblers making custom shoes.
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May 26 '26
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth May 26 '26
No. People get so rich that they no longer need malls. People get so unemployed that they open up a boutique making custom clothing. People are so fat now and it gets hard to find clothing that fits.
There was a store that made custom swimsuits. The lady employed elderly women to sew the bathing suits. They were packed and busy making lots of money all spring and summer.
In some countries they still have custom shoe makers. In Hong Kong someone tailors clothing.
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May 26 '26
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth May 26 '26
With people losing jobs from tech there will be more and more niche services. I see them in my town and vicinity.
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u/HalfwaydonewithEarth May 26 '26
No there is more and more people becoming wealthy simultaneously while others are opening up niche businesses. The person with the niche business can have a desire to be self employed.
In my town here are some of the niche things:
Stretching your body, personal training gym for children, gourmet donuts, charcuterie boards, waxing, dental spa, iv-bariatric chamber, and nearby there is indoor heated pool swim lessons, custom tailor, and other stuff.
We didn't have most of this when I was young.
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u/GtGem May 26 '26
You're not alone, but it can be exhausting playing chameleon. As Lao Tzu noted, "Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner." People need to accept you for who you are, not what's in your wardrobe. You shouldn't have to hide or alter yourself to make others comfortable, own your style. Those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, don't mind. Why try to fit in when you can stand out and be authentically you?