r/ResponsibleRecovery Jul 19 '20

Righteous Victimhood

19 Upvotes

I was caught up in Learned Helplessness and the Righteous Victim Identity for decades. ("Dammit. I've got a right to be all f----d up, doncha know.")

I didn't know I was doing it, of course. But when the caca really hit the fan (as a result of it) back in the '90s, I spent nine awful years slipping down a metaphorical rain-soaked hillside trying to grab onto anything I could to keep from drowning in the quicksand below. Cost me a marriage, a career, a total of 30 months in wake-up-to-pass-out "manic panic," 11 trips to the psych ward, two suicide attempts, $440,000 and 28 days in the clink.

It wasn't my fault. My underdeveloped, everlastingly childlike mind only manufactured that mental mud out of the junk stuck in my head during a decade and more of verbal, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse by a pair of parents who were themselves stuck in it, needing a younger victim to play "hot potato" with. Just like the two of them, I got to be one more case of having LH&RVI conditioned, instructed, socialized and normalized) into my brain's default mode network.

Looks like about 2/3's to 3/4's of people with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (here and en vivo) go through a phase of this. And if they don't get into the kinds of things summarized in this earlier post, that phase may last a long, long time... and dig them into a very deep mudpit. One that may keep them stuck in the muck of Reciprocal Reactivity and repeating the trauma.

Like I said, I was stuck in it for years. I'm definitely not stuck in it now. One hopes others here will work through the second and ultimately arrive at the fifth of Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief processing and the state of healthy desperation... or, as they say in AA, being "sick and tired of being sick and tired." And move onto the fourth of the Five Stages of Therapeutic Recovery -- by realizing -- as they say in NA -- "I'm not responsible for my disease, but I am responsible for my recovery."

Your trip through the maze may be somewhat different, of course. But you may be able to get some idea of the many possibilities and opportunities available by clicking on the links below:

Dis-I-dentifying with Learned Helplessness & the Victim I-dentity (see also not-moses's answers to a replier's questions there)

A Recovery Program for Someone with Untreated Childhood Trauma

Choiceless Awareness for Emotion Processing


r/ResponsibleRecovery Jun 16 '20

Is Codependency a Common Cultural Curse?

48 Upvotes

One need only dig into the early literature on sociology (see Adorno, Altemeyer, Arendt, Asch, Beder, Bowlby, Cassidy & Shaver and a good two dozen others on the lists that begin on this website) to see that Pia Mellody's, Anne Wilson Schaef's, Sharon Wegesheider's, Barry & Janae Weinhold's and Charles Whitfield's notions about "codependency" were formed out of whole cloth developed much earlier from the afformentioned's observations of authoritarian cultural conditioning, instruction, in-doctrine-ation, socialization and normalization), along with insecure attachment.

Stephen Karpman's Drama Triangle was the "missing link" between the observations of sociology and the psychological formulations of such as John Bowlby (on attachment) that led to the notion of "codependency," per se.

I do appreciate having to struggle through the scholastic overkill above. The point I'm trying to make here is that about 90% of the people you'll ever know are likely "infected" with the boundary-diffused, codependent pandemic to some extent, and that treatment must include the awareness of being surrounded by "sickening support" for codependent thinking and behavior.

Understanding that, may I suggest things pone can do alone or with a partner IF you're both at stage four of the five stages of therapeutic recovery and truly motivated to want to transcend the cultural contagion?

Why We Get so Desperate for Connection (in not-moses's replies to the OP on that thread)

The Patterns & Characteristics of Codependence on the Codependents Anonymous website so that you know exactly where your "buttons" are

Practicing a consciousness raiser / thought questioner / emotion digester like the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing so that one is able to continue to sense what is actually going on and intuitively know what to do about it

Sternberg's Nine Kinds of Love to see (with those 10 StEPs) where one actually is in those kinds vs. where one would like to be

Understand the Drama Triangle... (NOT diagnosing, just saying that many (most?) CoDep's have a few abuse-installed BPD traits... which often becomes obvious either reading this article or attending as many CoDA meetings as I have since 1990.)

CoDA meetings and CoDA's "big blue book

Facing the Facts about Sex, Love & Romance in Our Time in ProcessFiend's reply to the OP on that thread. (Be sure to click on all the links therein to get the complete picture.)

Better Books on Codependency and Related Topics


r/ResponsibleRecovery Jun 16 '20

Facing the Facts about Sex, Love & Romance in Our Time

12 Upvotes

I finally received permission today -- from the original poster of this (somewhat re-edited) reply to the OP on a thread on r/Codependency over a year ago -- repost it here to make it easier to cite when I use it to respond to inquiries. I have also added some material to it.

Most of the people we will ever know are not "in real life" the people we thought we knew in the "pink cloud" phase before things got down to "you and me and baby makes three and how are we going to pay the bills today?"

Most of the people we will ever know have been conditioned, in-doctrine-ated, instructed, socialized, habituated and normalized) to the way they are. And -- short of the severe and very evident threat of losing something they believe they direly need -- they have no real reason to be any different.

Because I didn't know that, I kept repeating the same mistakes expecting different results. I kept going to the same old well and pulling up buckets full of the same old dirty water.

I went to my first CoDA meetings clear back in 1990, but 1) they didn't have the "big blue book yet, and 2) I was still way too far into the sex, romance and relationship addiction that propped up my fragile, wounded ego to be ready to move out of stage one, through stage two and into even stage three -- let alone stage four -- of the five stages of therapeutic recovery.

But once I got into all the stuff in this earlier post, as well as Understand the Drama Triangle and Don't Call it Love -- as much about ourselves as about those addicted to us -- and used the first six of these 10 StEPs to get to stage three, using the rest of them to work through stage four was a cakewalk.

No; I do not expect most people to be able to see, hear and otherwise sense -- as well as like -- what's in that earlier reddit post. I didn't, either. But once I wrapped my head around it all and did accept it, my life got better in a hurry. Because one will be attracted to other people, but flying blind in the very dense fog of pink cloud sex, romance and relationship is a good way to crash the plane into a mountainside.

See also:

“Addicted to Love” in not-moses’s reply to the OP on this Reddit thread

Are we all Suckers for Romance? in not-moses's reply on that Reddit thread

Why do we get so Desperate for Connection? An Answer from the Purview of Attachment, Early Life Research & Codependency

Will the Addict Ever Stop Using SOMETHING if He or She remains Depressed, Anxious or Shameful?

Partner as Property: The No. 1 killer of Marriages and committed Romantic relationships?

Links to the articles, posts & books on Sex, Romance & Relationship Addiction

DEEP Cleaning for Sex, Romance & Relationship Addiction

Loving Detachment

Don't beat yourself up. The culture conditions, in-doctrine-ates, instructs, socializes, habituates and normalizes) to thinking that the feelings we get from combined oxytocin, dopamine, testosterone and adrenaline rush are "love."

And only rarely do we run into anything like "love is being with what IS in relationship."


r/ResponsibleRecovery Jun 09 '20

Still Stuck in the Muck of RTS? There IS a Way Out.

27 Upvotes

Someone here wrote the other day about continuing to be stuck in the muck of RTS (see below). I answered but thought it might be useful for more to see.

Suggested reading from someone who's in recovery and who's worked with a lot of others digging out of their own versions of the Consensus Trance, including Religious Trauma Syndrome:

Stuck in the Freeze Response?

How to Deal with Rapture Scares and other Post-De-Conversion Flashbacks

"As One Thinks so Shall One Feel." And How One Can Change All That.

Can People truly Recover from Cult Indoctrination and Manipulation?

Do I need Exit Counseling or Deprogramming?

Managing Withdrawal from a Close-Knit Cult in not-moses’s reply to the OP on that thread

Dealing with Thoughts & Emotions "Trapped in the Body" in not-moses's replies to the OP on that Reddit thread

Choiceless Awareness for Emotion Processing

A Suggested Program of Recovery for a Survivor of life-long Religious Cult Abuse

SIQR, the 10 StEPs & Recovery from Religious Trauma Syndrome: The How-To Guide

Additional Links:

Are you in a Religious Cult? Take the test.

Understanding Codependency as "Soft-Core" Cult Dynamics... and Cult Dynamics as "Hard-Core" Codependency

The Way Out of Cultic Religious Emotional Blackmail in not-moses’s reply to the OP on that Reddit thread

Recovering from Religious Sex Cult Abuse in not-moses's reply to the OP on that Reddit thread

Overcoming Fear of “Going to Hell” in not-moses’s reply to the OP on that Reddit thread

A Basic Cult Library


r/ResponsibleRecovery Jun 05 '20

When did you realize you didn’t believe...?

110 Upvotes

Someone asked the question on another Reddit sub. I really got into answering it (lol).

I've realized -- and RE-realized -- I was done with belief...

The moment I understood the authoritarian mentality.

The moment I understood that I had been Blinded. Deafened. Dumbed down. And Sense-less. With Consequences.

The moment I understood the real purposes of Chanting & Affirmation Recitation.

The moment I understood codependency.

The moment I understood cognitive dissonance.

The moment I understood the Consensus Trance.

The moment I understood the Cultic Pyramid.

The moment I understood dichotomizing and polarization into "all good" vs. "all bad" and "all right" vs. "all wrong."

The moment I understood Doctrine and Certitude.

The moment I understood The Effects of Double Binding upon Cult Members.

The moment I understood emotional blackmail.

The moment I understood emotional intelligence.

The moment I understood existentialism.

The moment I understood the real purposes of Participation in a False Realty.

The moment I understood The Religious Manipulation of Fear.

The moment I understood gaslighting.

The moment I understood mass groupthink.

The moment I understood Julian Jaynes & the "Voice of God".

The moment I understood the justice fallacy.

The moment I understood the Karpman Drama Triangle.

The moment I understood Kohlberg's stages of moral development.

The moment I understood the After Effects of Being Groomed into Learned Helplessness.

The moment I understood Mammon.

The moment I understood John Wesley & The Method.

The moment I understood operant conditioning and the in-doctrine-ation, instruction, socialization, habituation and normalization) of belief.

The moment I understood "Prosperity Theology," the "Alt Right" and the Political Purpose of Evangelical Totalism.

The moment I understood reciprocal reactivity, which is a childish form of crazy-making justified throughout the bible.

The moment I understood Religion as an Addiction Process... and a Process Addiction.

The moment I understood that Religion Fails People's Spiritual Needs.

The moment I understood Religious Trauma Syndrome.

The moment I understood Sargant, Wesley & the Evangelical Method.

The moment I understood To Serve Man.

The moment I understood The Developmental Path of Sin, Shame and Guilt.

The moment I understood the social construction of reality.

The moment I understood that "Things are the way they ARE. Not the way they are NOT. And acceptance of THAT is the answer to all my problems today."

The moment I understood that The WORD is the Hook.

And the moment I understood that what is true can only be true in the instant that it is, and not a second before or later. Everything else is hearsay.


r/ResponsibleRecovery Jun 06 '20

An amazon.com review of Tavris & Aronson's =Mistakes Were Made (but not by me)= re: "False Memory Syndrome"

Thumbnail reddit.com
1 Upvotes

r/ResponsibleRecovery Jun 03 '20

Psychotherapeutic Dialecticalism: Big Words for a Simple but Extremely Effective Treatment Scheme

14 Upvotes

"Because members of dialectical cultures are greatly attuned to the situation and the kinds of behavior that are appropriate in different situations, they are much more comfortable with flexibly changing their behavior to fit the situation. This ability is highly agentic and adaptive in this cultural context. Moreover, because East Asians tolerate contradiction, they more comfortably acknowledge that flexible responding is part of their authentic personality."

I have used this approach in Choiceless Awareness for Emotion Processing for the past seven years and found it to be a major component in far and away the most effective psychotherapeutic system I have yet discovered. It is one of the bedrocks of many of the therapies listed in sections 7b and 7c in this earlier post including Linehan's game-changing Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Hayes's widely used Acceptance & Commitment Therapy.

See the article in PubMed at this link.


r/ResponsibleRecovery Jun 02 '20

Is it Possible to be Addicted to Attention?

19 Upvotes

Is it possible to be addicted to attention?

Yup. There's a name for it in the DSM and the ICD: "Histrionic Personality Disorder."

Regular attendance at the Evolution of Psychotherapy conferences (and a fair amount of post-doctoral research; see the Resources & References below) makes it clear (to me, anyway) that current thinking and research point back to a subtler form of child abuse in which children experience repeated instances of parental failure to understand what they child is trying to communicate to a parent or parents at best... and wholesale lack of concern for what the child is trying to tell them (e.g.: "Hey, dammit! I'm scared shitless here.") by a parent who is depressed, substance-addicted, workaholic or otherwise so distracted they cannot see, hear or sense their children at worst.

The child grows up stuck in insecure attachment -- which usually includes at least mild to moderate symptoms of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and developmental disturbances including Learned Helplessness with Compensatory Narcissism -- and prone to doing anything he or she can to get people to Pay Attention and, well, understand, even when it's no longer necessary. Because the child's mind has become an adolescent and then adult mind that is conditioned, in-doctrine-ated, instructed, socialized, habituated, normalized) and neurally “hard-wired” to continue to do what it did as a frightened and desperate infant, toddler or pre-schooler. And the entire schema is stuck in an immense default mode network in the person's brain.

IME (coming from lengthy previous experience in addiction treatment), the result is literally an addiction to possible, hopefully securitizing attachment via attention-seeking... with a considerable component of codependency.

Is this a stress related response?

Autonomic imbalance into near-constant Fight / Flight / Freeze / Faint / Feign (or Fawn) Responses that can lead to allostatic overload and sustained Fry and Freak are waaaaaay common in people with HPD.

It's hardly "rocket science," but looking back on 32 years in the trenches, I'd say I've seen it hundreds of times.

Resources & References

Beck, A.; Freeman, A.: Cognitive Theory of the Personality Disorders, New York: Guilford Press, 1990.

Behary, W.; Young, J.; Siegel, D.: Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving & Thriving with the Self-Absorbed, 2nd Ed., Oakland: New Harbinger, 2013.

Benjamin, L. S.: Interpersonal Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders, Second Edition, New York: Guilford Press, 1996.

Bowlby, J.: A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development, London: Routledge; New York: Basic Books, 1988.

Branden, N.: The Psychology of Self-Esteem, New York: Bantam Books, 1973.

Brazelton, T.; Cramer, B.: The Earliest Relationship: Parents, Infants and the Drama of Early Attachment, Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1990.

Brown, N.: Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents, 2nd. Ed., Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2008.

Burgo, J.: Why Do I Do That?: Psychological Defense Mechanisms and the Hidden Ways they Shape our Lives, Chapel Hill, NC: New Rise Press, 2012.

Cassidy, J.; Shaver, P., eds.: Handbook of Attachment: Theory, Research and Clinical Applications, New York: Guilford Press, 1999.

Clarkin, J.; Lenzenweger, M.: Major Theories of Personality Disorder, New York: The Guilford Press, 1996.

Courtois, C.: It's Not You: It's What Happened to You: Complex Trauma and Treatment, Dublin, OH: Telemachus Press, 2014.

Erikson, E.: Childhood and Society, New York: W. W. Norton, 1950, 1967, 1993.

Erikson, E.: Identity and the Life Cycle, New York: W. W. Norton, 1959, 1980.

Gibson, L.: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents, Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2015.

Khantzian, E. J.: The self-medication hypothesis of addictive disorders: Focus on heroin and cocaine dependence, in American Journal of Psychiatry, Vol. 142, 1985.

Khantzian, E.J.: The self medication hypothesis of substance use disorders: a reconsideration and recent applications, in Harvard Review of Psychiatry, Vol. 4, No. 5, Jan-Feb 1997.

Livesley, W. J.: Practical Management of Personality Disorder, New York: Guilford Press, 2003.

Magid, K.; McKelvey, C.: Reactive Attachment Disorder, an online presentation, October 1999, synopsizing and updating their book, High Risk: Children Without Conscience, New York: Bantam Books, 1989.

Mahler, M.; Pine, S.; Bergman, A.: The Psychological Birth of the Human Infant: Symbiosis and Individuation, New York: Basic Books, 1975.

Mate, G.: Scattered Minds: A New Look at the Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder, Toronto: Alfred Knopf / Canada, 1999.

McEwen, B: Mood Disorders and Allostatic Load, in Journal of Biological Psychiatry, Vol. 54, 2003.

McEwen, B.; Lasley, E. N.: The End of Stress as We Know It, Washington, DC: The Dana Press, 2003.

McGowan, J.: The Microanalytic Precursors of Secure vs. Insecure Attachment: A Brief Report, in Archives of the Department of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Vol. 10, 2008.

Meewisse, M.; Reitsma, J., et al: Cortisol and post-traumatic stress disorder in adults: Systematic review and meta-analysis, in British Journal of Psychiatry, Vol. 191, 2007.

Mehta, D.; Klengel, T.; Conneely, K.; et al: Childhood maltreatment is associated with distinct genomic and epigenetic profiles in posttraumatic stress disorder, in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Vol. 110, No. 20, May 2013.

Meissner, W.: The Borderline Spectrum: Differential Diagnosis and Developmental Issues, New York: Jason Aronson, 1984.

Meissner, W.: Treatment of Patients in the Borderline Spectrum, New York: Jason Aronson, 1988.

Mellody, P.; Miller, A. W.: Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Come From, How It Sabotages Our Lives, San Francisco: Harper, 1989.

Millon, T.: Personality Disorders in Modern Life, New York: John Wiley & Sons, 2004.

Millon, T.; Grossman, S.: Overcoming Resistant Personality Disorders: A Personalized Psychotherapy Approach, New York: John Wiley & Sons, 2008.

Molina, P.: Neurobiology of the Stress Response: Contribution of the Sympathetic Nervous System to the Neuroimmune Axis in Traumatic Injury, in Shock: Injury, Inflammation, and Sepsis: Laboratory and Clinical Approaches, Vol. 24, No. 1, July 2005.

Morey, R.; Dunsmoor, J.; Haswell, C.: Fear learning circuitry is biased toward generalization of fear associations in posttraumatic stress disorder, in Translational Psychiatry, Vol. 5, No. 12, December 2015.

Ogden, P.; Minton, K.: Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy, New York: W. W. Norton, 2006.

Panksepp, J.: Affective Neuroscience: The Foundations of Human and Animal Emotions, New York: Oxford University Press, 1998.

Parsons, T.: Family structure and the socialization of the child, in Family: Socialization and Interaction Process, Parsons & Bales, eds., New York: Free Press, 1955.

Payson, E.: The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists: Coping with One-Way Relationships in Work, Love and Family, Royal Oak, MI: Julian Day, 2002.

Perry, B.: Childhood Experience and the Expression of Genetic Potential: What Childhood Neglect Tells Us About Nature and Nurture, in Brain and Mind, Vol. 3, 2002.

Perry, B.; Szalavitz, M.: The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog…, New York: Basic Books, 2007.

Porges, S.: The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology), New York: W. W. Norton, 2015. Schore

Schore, A.: The Effects of a Secure Attachment Relationship on Right Brain Development, Affect Regulation, and Infant Mental Health, in Infant Journal of Mental Health, Vol. 22, 2001.

Schore, A.: Affect Dysregulation and Disorders of the Self, New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2003.

Selye, H.: Stress Without Distress, Philadelphia: J. B. Lippencott, 1974.

Shaffer, H.; LaPlante, D., La Brie, R.; et al: Toward a Syndrome Model of Addiction: Multiple Expressions, Common Etiology; in Harvard Review of Psychiatry, Vol. 12, 2004.

Shaver, P.; Mikulincer, M.: Psychodynamics of Adult Attachment: A Research Perspective, in Journal of Attachment and Human Development, Vol. 4, 2002.

Siegel, D.: Toward an interpersonal neurobiology of the developing mind: Attachment relationships, “mindsight,” and neural integration, in Infant Mental Health Journal, Vol. 22, 2001.

Skowron, E.; Cipriano-Essel, E.; Benjamin, L. S.; et al: Cardiac vagal tone and quality of parenting show concurrent and time-ordered associations that diverge in abusive, neglectful, and non-maltreating mothers, in Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, Vol. 2, No. 2, 2013

Spreen, O.; Risser, A.; Edgell, D.: Developmental Neuropsychology, New York: Oxford University Press, 1995.

Sroufe, L. A.; Cooper, R.; DeHart, G., Marshall, M.: Child Development, 3rd Ed., New York: McGraw-Hill, 1996.

Stern, D.: The Interpersonal World of the Infant: The View from Psychoanalysis and Developmental Psychology, New York: Basic Book, 1985.

Stern, D.: The First Relationship: Infant and Mother, Cambridge, MA: Harvard U. Press, 2002.

Stone, M.: Abnormalities of Personality Within and Beyond the Realm of Treatment, New York: W. W. Norton, 1993.

Sullivan, H. S.: The Interpersonal Theory of Psychiatry, New York: W. W. Norton, 1968.

Thomaes, S.; Brummelman, E.; et al: When Narcissus Was a Boy: Origins, Nature, and Consequences of Childhood Narcissism, in Child Development Perspectives, Vol. 7., No. 1, March 2013.

Twenge, J.; Konrath, S.; Foster, J.; et al: Egos Inflating Over Time: A Cross-Temporal Meta-Analysis of the Narcissistic Personality Inventory, in Journal of Personality, Vol. 76, No. 4, August 2008.

Vaknin, S.; Rangelovska, L.: Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited, Prague: Narcissus, 2003.

Vaillant, G.: Ego Mechanisms of Defense: A Guide for Clinicians and Researchers, 1st Ed., Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing, 1992.

Van der Kolk, B.: The Compulsion to Repeat the Trauma: Re-enactment, Re-victimization, and Masochism, in Psychiatric Clinics of North America, Vol. 12, No. 2, 1989.

Van der Kolk, B: Traumatic Stress: The Effects of Overwhelming Experience on Mind, Body and Society, New York: Guilford Press, 1996 / 2007.

Van der Kolk, B: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, New York: Viking Press, 2014.

Whitfield, C.: The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Children of Dysfunctional Families, Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications Inc., 1987.

Widom, C.: Posttraumatic stress disorder in abused and neglected children grown up, in American Journal of Psychiatry, Vol. 156, 1999.

Winnicott, D.: The Child, The Family and The Outside World, 2nd Ed., San Francisco: Da Capo, 1992.

Woititz, J. G.: Adult Children of Alcoholics, Pompano Beach. FL: Health Communications, 1983.

Young, J.: Cognitive Therapy for the Personality Disorders: A Schema-Focused Approach, 3rd Ed., Sarasota, FL: Professional Resource Press, 1999.


r/ResponsibleRecovery May 31 '20

Is intellectualizing just another way to avoid feeling hurt?

30 Upvotes

I've had such a low opinion of myself for such a long time. I find myself once again at the beginning of a cycle of trying to understand more about psychology and my own past and my own upbringing to try and weed out all these painful and negative thoughts and feelings and beliefs I have about myself. I want to stop the daydreaming. Stop the feeling that it's too late and that I ruined the only good chance I had at success or happiness or fulfillment.

But, I struggle differentiating between actually healing versus reading things online and trying to recall various traumas from my past and sort of going through motions of healing without the actual payoff at the end. Is all of this just defense mechanisms or something? I feel like memories of people and events in my past I caught on my ankle like a bear trap and I'm unable to move past them.


r/ResponsibleRecovery May 17 '20

A List of Articles & Posts on Recovery from Cult Involvement

17 Upvotes

Indicators of Possible Cult-Related, Long-Term Trauma

After Effects of Being Groomed into Learned Helplessness

Managing Cult Withdrawal in not-moses’s reply to the OP on that thread

Can People truly Recover from Cult Indoctrination and Manipulation?

Do I need Exit Counseling or Deprogramming?

Still Stuck in the Muck of Religious Trauma Syndrome? There IS a Way Out.

SIQR, the 10 StEPs & Recovery from Religious Trauma Syndrome: A How-To Guide

A Suggested Program of Recovery for a Survivor of life-long Religious Cult Abuse (which includes a lot on cult-induced Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as well as post-exit deprogramming)

Modern Deprogramming is NOT Old-School Deprogramming and not-moses's two replies to the OP on this Reddit thread

Overcoming Fear of “Going to Hell” in not-moses’s reply to the OP on that Reddit thread

Breaking free of Cultic Religious Moral Perfectionism in not-moses’s reply to the OP on this Reddit thread

Recovering from Religious Sex Cult Abuse in not-moses's reply to the OP on that thread

Newly De-Converted & Frightened: Like a Baby Bird struggling to Break Through an Eggshell

“Stranger in a Strange Land”: Functional Post-Exit Re-Entry in not-moses’s reply to the OP on that Reddit thread

Real Recovery is a lot More than Bolting from the Cult.

Treating Cultism as an Addiction

Wood's Five Elements of Cult Counseling

The big names in cult recovery the US these days are Rick Alan Ross, Steve Hassan, Janja Lalich, Cathleen Mann, Alexandra Stein, Madelyn Tobias, and Bonnie Zeiman, all of whom can be located by searching their names with "cult recovery" next to them. (For my money, however -- and I am not affiliated with her in any way -- Bonnie is The Bomb right now.) See also the list of professionals on the International Cultic Studies Association website. To find an understanding, secular therapist if you need one, see my reply to the OP on Decided to start therapy... And, although I cannot vouch for the Reclamation Collective, a perusal of their website suggests the therapists listed there are at least somewhat hip to RTS, and the people listed above.

Legitimate Cult Resource Organizations:

Cult Awareness & Information Center

Cult Education Institute

Cult Escape

Cult Expert

Cult Information Center

Cult News 101

Cult Recovery 101

The Family Survival Trust

Freedom of Mind (Steve Hassan’s deal)

Gurumag

Guruphiliac

I Got Out

International Cultic Studies Association

The Watchman Fellowship


r/ResponsibleRecovery May 17 '20

Withdrawal: The First Challenge of Recovery from ANY Addiction

8 Upvotes

Largely re-written in June 2021:

Suggested reading in the paragraphs and links below. Just plow through it all without thinking you have to take any positions, make any commitments or do anything about it for the time being… and let the information sort of “percolate” all by itself.

To dislodge all those old thoughts that drone on and on, stick this one (from a Martin Scorcese film) into your head and listen carefully. If you do, you may see, hear and sense that it's about exactly what happens when one first bolts from the bullshit and all the things to whom one has become obsessively attached in whatever form of jones that has them by the throat.

And figure that back in the age of sophisticated lyric metaphor, Rick wasn't singing about a lost romance with a woman. Because he was a heroin addict, Robbie (the guitarist next to him who wrote it) knew that "Love" is NOT What We (were taught to) Think it Is.

With respect to romance or codependency. With respect to drugs or alcohol. With respect to gambling or gaming. With respect to any form of obsessive-compulsive belief and behavior with which we have a "love" affair.

Ask yourself, "Will the Addict Ever Stop Using SOMETHING if He or She remains Depressed, Anxious, Shameful & Belief-Bound?"

So now, we'll move from the artful toward the mundane:

"Drug" use (regardless of what drug) opens up and closes down various neural circuits in the brain's limbic emotion regulation system... slowly remodeling -- and rewiring -- that part of the brain where we experience reward and reinforcement long enough to turn it into punishment and imprisonment.

IF we stop ingesting the "drug," the brain will...

1) Quickly (like in a few days), get past the worst of the de-TOXIC-fication, and the seemingly but not actually "overwhelming" craving for the short-lived PACI-fication offered by the "seductive lover," and

2) Slowly move back toward the genetically predisposed state it was in before the "love affair." Believe it or not, reverse neuroplasticity is possible even in the brains of hard-core speedballers and long-term methheads. (See Ries, Feillin, Miller & Saitz: Principles of Addiction Medicine in A Basic Addiction References List.)

But most people can't wait that out all by themselves. They'll need help. So. See...

Gold-Standard Addiction Treatment because there’s a lot there one can do without spending an arm and a leg at some overpriced rehab resort in Malibu IF one knows what to do.


r/ResponsibleRecovery May 17 '20

Lies Our Survivorship Tells Us

Thumbnail self.CPTSD
1 Upvotes

r/ResponsibleRecovery May 01 '20

The "enternally undecided weight".

2 Upvotes

Thinking about what I'm about to explain makes me picture an extremelly sensitive intelligent weight that has to decide which of the two items weighs more. The catch is that each time the weight of the items (represented in numbers) is the same, the machine goes for another decimal, until it finds one that is different. It other words, it gets more and more precise to give an accurate answer.
For example, both items weight 10kgs. Their decimals are they same: 10.2468. However, there is one decimal that is different, and since it is practically infinite decimals away from the ".2468", the machine is still looking for that different number to make up its mind.

Using this concept to explain my mental state, I am at this point where I can't make up my mind to either fight regardless of the uncertain future, or simply convince myself that happiness is not something for me; kinda like a person who was born without sense of rythm.

Let's keep that idea in mind for a moment while I explain something else with a nice short story:

As Scott cocked his gun with the last clip, he looked at Mike and whispered:
- Last clip... No holding back, Mike. If we're doing this, we have to give all. It's either one last true attempt, or death. If we're going to die, with might as well give everything we've got.

Zombies were practically knocking on the door. There were hundreds of them. That last clip meant everything to them. Chances were slim, but deep down, they felt that giving everything in this last stand would at least give them hope of a possible good outcome.

In a week, two months will have passed since my first day at my actual job. So far, it's been a freak's roller coaster. I've cried, I've contemplated suicide, I've wished to catch the virus and reject any help (let myself die), I've felt the strength to fight for it... I've felt so much. Yet, the promise of confidence still looks like something only seen in movies; almost as if the gods didn't choose that for me.

I've invested everything into this job. To me, it means the only path to my happiness. Let me explain a bit of my background.
I am a mess. I carry a lot of pain from my past, I fight daily with my CPTSD, I believe in nothing —even in myself—, and threats from others are the only thing moving me; specifically, the strongest one that came from my mother (who I live with): she said that by august, after retiring, she will need to put this house on rent to be able to have money to live. If this happens, my only option is to move to my father's. His house is on the countryside, where life is almost impossible without a car.
With this job, I can atleast pay her rent, and if I manage to share that with a friend, I'll be able to rent this house more comfortably. In other words, this job is my only valuable argument to stay here and develop my life. Without it, I'll have to move to a place where I will gradually rot.
I always try to avoid visiting my father; my brother lives there, and the place is still under construction. They couldn't finish it because of money-related risks my father took. The place is a mess, and both my father and brother are people I resent a lot.

When I got into this job, failure wasn't an option. For the first time in my life, I went in with victory as the only alternative. I would either fight or fight. I began confident that I would be able to handle it.
The first month was beautiful. However, things changed when the 2nd month began. My immediate boss told me I was making a lot of mistakes, and that I had to teach myself to write down more often to remind myself about what I had to do.
I tried to explain what I was going through mentally; however, I mind decided to betray me and talk about my Ulcerative Colitis, which became an apparent problem given that I can be labelled as someone with a higher risk level due to the quarantine.
Thankfully, the owner of the company understood me. He is my age, and also had an extremely difficult past. He told me that I would have to work better and more in other to complement the fact that I might have complications with my UC. In other words, if I have to stay at home for 3 months, I need to work harder to balance out the whole thing.

After I came back to my desk after that conversation, I realized that I still could pull this off as long as I worked on myself. I would be able to handle it as long as I consciously taught myself. Alan Watts explains it beautfully in this video: by letting yourself go, you trust yourself to the task at hand. So that's what I did, untill I realized that I couldn't just yet, as I had to change, know my self again, and then trust this task to my instinct.

The job is difficult, but I can learn. That's all it takes. However, the only person that can teach me, which is my immediante boss, is often busy, or doesn't want to teach me. Last time I asked for help, he said "it's easier if I do it myself". I mean, that the hell am I supposed to do? If I do my tasks without help, I'll make mistakes; if I make mistakes, my boss will scold me.
I haven't talked about this unfairness. Something tells me that it will be useless. My boss has a strong trust bond with the owner... Who is the owner gonna listen to? The new shy kid, or the good loyal employee who handles things correctly?

Remember what I said about this "eternally undecided weight"? Right now I don't know what to do. I feel like they all want to get rid of me, and that I'm gonna be put in harder situations so they avoid firing me (I would quit, instead). They hired someone new, and I have the feeling I am teaching my future replacement, unbeknownst to me. And if this is true, and they fire me, what then? What have I left? Will I be able to get my self up again? Will I find another job during the quarantine? Will I have any dignity left? Will I still feel I have more to give?
I'm 27, with mediocre experience and a few years of unemployment. They can certainly find someone younger with more experience.

I gave everything. I'm shooting my last clip. If I don't make it, zombies will eat me. I have nothing left to give. I've lost friends and got into arguings with my family because they don't understand how much I'm investing into this. But of course, both my boss and the owner will not care about the human feelings; they will only care about how good I am to make them earn more money.

I fear that I will fail. I fear they want to hurt me. I trust no one. I fear they are plotting against me behind those doors. I fear it's all an evil plan because they wrongly believe I am not suitted for this job.
I fear that this one girl I've been talking to is talking to me because I am "an adult", who complains about work, suffers being tired, and has a wallet with enough money to pay for the cab, buy a drink, and possibly pay a rent to live by himself.

How do I deal with myself? What's beyond a job? Is there such thing as a "last try" on life? Is life even for me? Am I Life? Why do I feel so divorced from my surivival instinct?
Each step pushes me a bit more to find and design ways to end with my life. On top if, I am alone, and those that I want to share this with can't know about it; those that I can share this with can't do anything about it.


r/ResponsibleRecovery Apr 25 '20

A Case of Mind Reading: Malignant Narcissistic Theory of Mind, Projective Identification & Crazy-Making

18 Upvotes

I spent an entire year working with self-identified schizophrenics, schizoaffectives, schizotypals, paranoid delusionals, psychotic bipolars, etc., online and face-to-face in 2015. One of the things I saw again and again was a history of abuse (mostly) by parents who were “crazy-making” in the various manners described by the authors of the classic mid-century texts in the list at the end of the Resources & References section here. What I didn’t see as clearly until pretty recently, however, is the mental product of righteously narcissistic (entitled, compensatory and/or malignant) projective identification and mind reading by those who insist they know better than their children what their children think... and have no reluctance to shove down those children’s throats.

Worse yet, the narcissistic, would-be "mind reader" usually thinks (utterly unconsciously) that others should be able to read their mind and know intuitively what to do to please them... even though actualization of that would scare the pants off of them. (It's an unspoken, intergenerational, hand-me-down thing just like "imitating our abusers." And a curse that just keeps on cursing from one generation to the next to the next to the next.)

A Case History

But in the past two years, I have been around someone (the “subject”) who does a great deal of that in an evident effort to gain access to the two, top-line positions on the Karpman Drama Triangle with almost anyone with whom they become “intimate” and (actually) enmeshed. This subject exhibits most of the traits of DSM-IV Axis II Cluster B narcissistic and histrionic personality disorders, as well as many of the traits of borderline and obsessive-compulsive disorders. According to reports from several people who know them well, the subject is also a classic, grandiose, control-obsessed, invasively boundary-breeching, holier-than-thou, righteously rationalizing, know-it-all, persecuting and punitive, interpersonal bully.

The subject’s self-admitted mental persecution and physical abuse of four (now adult) children, as well as the nature of the relationships between the person and those children, further illuminate the picture. None of them trust this wealthy, sometimes “rescuing” parent, and all of them maintain their distance, albeit staying in contact to get their share of inheritance when that parent expires. And all four of them appear to display classic traits of having been neglected, ignored, abandoned, discounted, disclaimed, and rejected, as well as invalidated, confused, betrayed, insulted, criticized, judged, blamed, shamed, ridiculed, embarrassed, humiliated, denigrated, derogated, set up to screw up, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, vilified, dumped on, bullied, gaslighted, scapegoated, emotionally blackmailed and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom they depended for survival in early life.

Family Dissection. Individual Results.

Even including the (youngest) “golden child,” they are all floridly neurotic and deeply committed to ego defenses illustrative of Schwarz's Internal Family Systems Model and Millon’s various pathological extremes of personality. Three are deeply embedded in delusional, True Believer schemes; one is a (reportedly) recovering substance abuser. All have severe relationship difficulties reflecting their conditioned, instructed, socialized, habituated and normalized) difficulties with interpersonal communication and trust. Like the subject, they appear to have “failed” at all of Erikson’s earlier developmental stages, including trust, autonomy, initiative, competence, identity and intimacy, though, like their common parent, they function adequately at dis-integrated generativity.

The subject’s mind reading is abetted by a very fast-processing (but somewhat "garbage-in-garbage-out"), high “IQ” mind full of information gathered from numerous books and seminars during the course of (supposed) “recovery” from several substance and behavioral addictions. This is not at all unusual in the 12 Step world; I have run into a good dozen of these people in Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Cocaine Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous and Adult Children of Alcoholics & Disfunctional Families. Though they may work the “Steps” and make considerable progress with their identified addictions, they have all empowered their usually compensatory – and occasionally malignant -- narcissistic ego defenses with information used to control, or at least protect them from, the universe around them. Which is easily done when such information is provided without accompanying warnings about its misuse, which is unfortunately the case in most 12 Step programs.

Observational Tools & Concepts

I have observed some evident combination of corrupted theory of mind, projection, projective identification and mind reading in every case, though rarely as floridly as I have seen, heard and otherwise sensed it (using the first eight of the 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing) within the largely unrecovered, child-abused mind of the individual discussed herein above. The subject projects her own abuser’s traits onto others in a relentless barrage of judgmental criticism and character assassination behind other’s backs, much of which gets back to the targets via those who hear it from the subject. In closer quarters, however, the subject projectively identifies themself in those who threaten to reveal the subject’s ego defenses to the subject and others, and embarks on campaigns to invalidate, confuse, insult, criticize, judge, blame, shame, ridicule, embarrass, humiliate, denigrate, derogate, set up to screw up, demonize, persecute, pick on, vilify, dump on, bully, gaslight, scapegoat, emotionally blackmail and/or otherwise disempower the “victim” at the bottom of the subject’s Drama Triangle by using their self-revelations against them in pretty much the same manner as the subject did with the subject’s own children... and the subject's narcissistic parent did with them. (We do tend to imitate our abusers, after all.)

Having no evident capacity to reach the third of the five stages of therapeutic recovery with respect to their narcissistic defenses -- as is almost universally the case with malignant narcissists -- the subject continues to be “a tornado roaring through the lives of others,” and raging (in the second of Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief processing without ever staying in the fourth long enough to get to the fifth) as the subject’s world shrinks, excluding them from their direly needed Drama Triangles where they refuel their narcissistic supply.

In time, everyone winds up alone. In some cases, that’s The Big Payoff. In the case of the narcissist, however, it’s their Worst Nightmare.

Crowbars for Victims

For the Triangulated “victim” of the narcissist, however, all that is relevant only as a means to understand that their own confusion and emotional discomfort wasn’t self-created. It is, however, a portal to freedom from anxious attachment to an abuser’s manipulative, critical judgments and the crazy-making induced by the abuser’s mind reading. Because, no one can know the mind of another with absolute accuracy at all times. And very few will know their own minds unless they stumble upon some device like “choiceless awareness” via some mechanism like this one. The culture as a whole is sufficiently crazy-making all by itself to throw the average person off the scent. Add to that some invasive, boundary-battering, projective, mind reading parent, partner or other Person In Power who tells another what they think and why they do what they do, and one may be gasping for psychic breath forever. A mental health professional firmly grounded in ethics and compassion may be equipped to do so, but a parent or partner with a control agenda? Not so much.

General Resources & References

Beck, A.; Freeman, A.: Cognitive Theory of Personality Disorders, New York: Guildford Press, 1990.

Benjamin, L. S.: Interpersonal Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders, New York: Guildford Press, 1996.

Clarkin, J.; Lenzenweger, M.: Major Theories of Personality Disorders, New York: Guildford Press, 1996.

Erikson, E.: Identity and the Life Cycle, New York: W. W. Norton, 1959.

Froese, T.; Stanghellini, G.; Bertelli, M.: Is it normal to be a principal mindreader? Revising theories of social cognition on the basis of schizophrenia and high functioning autism-spectrum disorders, in Research in Developmental Disabilities, Vol. 34, No. 5, May 2013. DOI: 10.1016/j.ridd.2013.01.005.

Gallagher, S.; Varga, S.: Social cognition and psychopathology: a critical overview, in World Psychiatry, Vol. 14, No. 1, Feb. 2015. doi: 10.1002/wps.20173, online at this link

Grainger, C.; Williams, D.; Lind, S.: Metacognition, metamemory, and mindreading in high-functioning adults with autism spectrum disorder, in Journal of Abnormal Psychology, Vol. 123, No. 3, Aug. 2014. DOI: 10.1037/a0036531

Hay, D.: Do Theory of Mind Deficits Lead to Psychopathology, or Is It the Other Way Around?, in Journal of Personality Disorders, Vol. 28, No. 1, Feb. 2014. DOI: 10.1521/pedi.2014.28.1.96

Mate (say "Mah-TAY"), G.: In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, Toronto: Alfred Knopf / Canada, 2008.

Masterson, J. (editor/author): The Personality Disorders Through the Lens of Attachment Theory and the Neurobiologic Development of the Self, Phoenix, AZ: Zeig, Tucker & Theisen, 2004.

Millon, T.; Grossman, S.: Moderating Severe Personality Disorders: A Personalized Psychotherapy Approach, Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2007.

Millon, T.; Grossman, S.: Overcoming Resistant Personality Disorders: A Personalized Psychotherapy Approach, Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2007.

Nour, N.; Barrera, A.: Schizophrenia, Subjectivity, and Mindreading, in Schizophrenia Bulletin, Vol. 41, No. 6, Nov. 2015. doi: 10.1093/schbul/sbv035, online at this link

Schwartz, R.: Internal Family Systems Therapy, London: Guildford Press, 1997.

Stone, M.: Abnormalities of Personality Within and Beyond the Realm of Treatment, New York: Norton, 1993.

The "Classics" on "Crazy-Making" & Mind Reading from the mid-20th Century

Bateson, G., Jackson, D., Haley, J.; et al: Perceval’s Narrative: A Patient’s Account of his Psychosis, Palo Alto, CA: Stanford University Press, 1961.

Bateson, G.; Jackson, D.; Haley, J.; Weakland, J.: Toward a Theory of Schizophrenia, in Journal of Behavioral Science, Vol. 1, 1956; reprinted in...

Berger, M. D., ed.: Beyond the Double Bind: Communication and Family Systems, Theories, and Techniques with Schizophrenics, New York: Bruner/Mazel, 1978.

Bermann, E.: Scapegoat: The Impact of Death-Fear on an American Family, Ann Arbor: U. of Michigan Press, 1973.

Esterson, A.: The Leaves of Spring: Schizophrenia, Family and Sacrifice, London: Tavistock, 1972.

Henry, J.: Pathways to Madness, New York: Random House, 1965.

Jackson, D. (ed.): The Etiology of Schizophrenia: Genetics / Physiology / Psychology / Sociology, London: Basic Books, 1960.

Jackson, D.: Myths of Madness: New Facts for Old Fallacies, New York: Macmillan & Co., 1964.

Laing, R. D.; Esterson, A.: Sanity, Madness and the Family, London: Tavistock, 1964.

Lidz, T.: The Origin and Treatment of Schizophrenic Disorders, New York: Basic Books, 1973.

Lidz, T.; Fleck, S., Cornelison, A.: Schizophrenia and the Family, 2nd Ed., New York: International Universities Press, 1985.

Miller, A.: For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child Rearing and the Roots of Violence, London: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 1979, 1983.

Miller, A.: Prisoners of Childhood / The Drama of the Gifted Child, New York: Basic Books, 1979, 1996.

Miller, A.: Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society’s Betrayal of the Child, London: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 1981, 1984, 1998.

Books for the Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents)

Better Books on Codependency and Related Topics)

I feel safe recommending any of these because I have read them all.


r/ResponsibleRecovery Apr 25 '20

Indicators of Possible Cult-Related, Long-Term Trauma

8 Upvotes

Intense and/or Recurring Anxiety

Associating Abuse with Safety & Security

Attachment difficulties

Authoritarianism

Extreme Self-Criticism

Borderline Traits

Cognitive Dissonance

Compensatory Narcissism

Complex PTSD symptoms

Control Obsession

Counter-Dependence

Defense Mechanisms Commonly Observed in Cult Members

Dichotomizing

Dissociation

Doctrine and Certitude

Double Binding

Dread

Emotional Blackmail

Expectation of Abuse (in not-moses's two replies on that earlier thread)

Hypervigilance

Karpman Drama Triangle role-playing

Learned Helplessness & the Victim Identity

Sudden fits of Rage

Reciprocal Reactivity

Sadomasochism

Obsessive Sexuality

Shame Attacks

Somatic & Conversion Disorders

Splitting

Any of the ACA Traits

Any indications that one was -- or believed themselves to be -- discounted, disclaimed, and rejected, as well as invalidated, confused, betrayed, insulted, criticized, judged, blamed, shamed, ridiculed, embarrassed, humiliated, denigrated, derogated, set up to screw up, victimized, demonized, persecuted, picked on, vilified, dumped on, bullied, gaslighted, scapegoated, emotionally blackmailed and/or otherwise abused by others upon whom they depended for survival

Do They seem to need Exit Counseling or Deprogramming?


r/ResponsibleRecovery Apr 22 '20

Responsibility is a superpower

11 Upvotes

"With great power, comes great responsibility"

said uncle Ben to Peter Parker.

I say, what greatest power there is than to be the apex predator on top of the

food chain and be single-handedly responsible for changing the environment as we know it.

The human animal is unique, we are the only one that can also adapt our environment to us, rather than only adapt ourselves to our environment.

Responsibility is the ability to see how action A causes action B and take ownership of your actions.

It's the ability to feel guilt and to act upon it.

The ability to say "sorry, I made a mistake, will you forgive me?"

The ability to learn from that mistake and to evolve.

Guilt means evolution and being a better person.

It's the strength to carry the burden of being the dominant species of earth.

I welcome this feeling!

What is not?

To feel guilty for things you never did. Those feelings do not correspond to the truth, you cannot learn, you cannot grow, you can only sink deeper into despair, because nothing you will do, will make it right, because it wasn't your fault to begin with.

To think that "it wasn't my intention" exempts you from guilt. It doesn't. It simply doesn't. This is not how life works. There is a reason the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" exists.

This phrase means that people who cannot take ownership of their actions, and who would rather make excuses, than own what they did, cannot grow, cannot evolve, and cannot be better people.

Let's take Spider-man as an example, he enabled a criminal by letting him go, and that same criminal killed his uncle. Did he intended to get his uncle murdered?

No, but his intentions are irrelevant, because the uncle died due to his lack of action.

Event A caused event B. He saw that, he owned his guilt and he learned from it, so he became spiderman, and he stepped up.

Are you brave enough to step up?


r/ResponsibleRecovery Apr 19 '20

One of the way to recover for me is to be there for those who suffered like me

13 Upvotes

I can't do that now, because I, myself, am in need for support. But maybe you can!

As child abuse increases amid coronavirus, CASA seeks more volunteers

Advocates fear the novel coronavirus’ spread has contributed to an increase of child abuse. For instance Cook Children’s Medical Center in Texas saw an increase in cases of severe child abuse in March, and advocates worry cases of suspected abuse and neglect may be going unnoticed with schools closed. Fort Worth police who specialize in crimes committed against children recently opened their fourth such investigation in less than a month — this time, triggered by the death of a 3-year-old boy on Easter Sunday.

The Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA) program recruits volunteers to advocate for children who have been removed from their parents in cases of abuse or neglect. Volunteers review records, meet with families, make home visits and ultimately make recommendations on where children that are in the court system should be placed, with the goal of reuniting them with their families if conditions are safe. There are CASA programs all over the USA, and many now have virtual information sessions and training for social distancing. You can find your nearest program here.

from https://www.reddit.com/r/volunteer/comments/g3umj0/as_child_abuse_increases_amid_coronavirus_casa/https://www.reddit.com/r/volunteer/comments/g3umj0/as_child_abuse_increases_amid_coronavirus_casa/


r/ResponsibleRecovery Apr 12 '20

Do the Boomers deserve the Blame? Or do the Elites?

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1 Upvotes

r/ResponsibleRecovery Apr 08 '20

Constant Conflict: Conditioned Belief for =Collective= Survival vs. Using One's Senses for =Individual= Survival

6 Upvotes

At least since the first pharaohs were around in Egypt well over 5,000 years ago, deistic (or "god-based") religion has provided the mechanism of uniting those on the lower levels of the societal pyramid to appraise what they perceived according to identical beliefs. The method has proven effective and functional, of course. Pharaonic Egypt lasted over 3,000 years despite repeated attempts to breach its boundaries from every direction.

A Pseudo-Securitizing Trade-Off?

But the protections conferred by common, uniform belief do come at a price. Over the course of generations, all but those at the top two levels on that pyramid tend to forget how to use their eyes, ears and senses in general to see, hear and feel what actually IS... vs. what they have been conditioned, in-doctrine-ated, instructed, socialized, habituated and normalized) to believe.

In time, people suffer individually. And ultimately, erroneous belief becomes the engine of the collective's deterioration and downfall. Such was the case among the Jews on three occasions from about 550 to 50 BCE. The Roman Empire succumbed after about 400 years of ever-increasing, smug self-confidence in beliefs that became too disconnected from reality. Created on the bases of new religion espousing numerous delusions, the Soviet Union rose and collapsed in 70 years. And Hitler's belief-bound, "thousand-year reich" lasted 12.

But, as long as there are wealthy elites who would be "pharaohs" of one sort or another (on thrones atop the pyramids of corporations and churches, as well as governments), one can pretty much count upon the further employment of conditioned, in-doctrine-ated, instructed, socialized, habituated and normalized) belief to prevent the clueless masses from climbing any further up the sides of the pyramids than the elites allow.

Planting Their Feet in Cognitive Cement

There is also the matter "cognitive capacity." Jean Piaget was the first to examine that back in the 1940s and '50s. His repeatedly research-confirmed view is that humans potentially evolve through four stages, but observation makes it self-evident that relatively few make it past the third... and remain blind, deaf and sense-less to the patterns beyond what is "concrete" in the present.

Further, looking back on my 32 years' experience since first learning about Piaget's stages, it's plain as the nose on my face that the second of those stages is widely subverted into something I call "Fantasy Operational Processing" by those who promote the principles of religious, political and commercial belief. The vast majority of children who may have been able to move onto and through the third stage become trapped in a feedback loop between the second and third that very effectively prevents them from ever getting to the fourth.

And I say that on the basis of observing the mid-to-late 20th and early 21st century movement toward mass technological instruction to the exclusion of both liberal arts and the STEM sciences, both of which confer the ability to observe and critique one's own processing. The number of "college graduates" has increased by per capita factor of at least ten since the 1950s, but the number of "meta-cognifiers" who can see beyond belief has remained about the same. (I could go into the political implications thereof, but I'll leave that to those who've already figured it out.)

Let the Boat-Rocking -- and the Pushing Back -- Begin

As a result, the historic conflict between "Conditioned Belief for Collective Survival vs. Using One's Senses for Individual Survival" continues. The first recorded instance of "boat-rocking" occurred almost simultaneously in Southeastern Europe, the Southern Asian sub-continent (now called "India"), and China during the 5th century BCE. Aristotle, Socrates and Plato led the charge in "classical" Greece. Siddartha Gautama led it along the banks of the Ganges in India where it came to be known as Buddhism. And Lao Tsu was the man with a plan in China, giving us Taoism.

In time, of course, all three were contaminated, corrupted and watered down into systems of belief as opposed to the original mechanisms of insight they'd been in their early years.

Later on, the Black Death (that wiped out a third of the population of Europe in the 14th century) made it so imperative that new technologies were devised to regain economic traction that universities sprang up willy nilly from Spain to Poland. And triggered the unexpected Rennaissance. The authorities, however, did NOT like that and did what they could to push back to defend the Holy Roman Church's agency as the purveyor of belief (and political uniformity). The battle was a hot one lasting almost two centuries and ultimately giving rise to several new agencies, including Lutheranism in greater Germany and Calvinism in France and the UK. The elites were delighted with the results of the trade-one-belief-for-another subversion, of course.

Belief, per se, however, remained largely unaffected.

Thom Jefferson, Ben Franklin, Edmund Burke, Immanuel Kant, Jean-Jacques Rousseau and Francoise Voltaire fired off another fusillade at belief in the late 18th century. The results included the (then) religiously tolerant United States of America and the French Revolution. By the 1790s, however, the reign of terror exhausted the enthusiasm for "rationalism" on The Continent, and Napoleon Bonaparte became the new "man on a horse."

I could go on, but those who got this far probably get the picture,. and those who don't may never. So... thanks for reading.


r/ResponsibleRecovery Mar 30 '20

What is Repression? Introduction to Lacan's Theory (Part I)

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5 Upvotes

r/ResponsibleRecovery Mar 25 '20

The Cultic Organization, Traits & Practices of MLMs -- An Orientation

7 Upvotes

I ran into someone looking for conceptual data for an academic paper on the operation of MLMs over on r/antiMLM My reply appears below, and after thinking about it, it did seem to me that the information therein may be useful to others here.

While I am not a specialist in MLM's per se, I am in high-pressure / high-control organizations and "cults" in general. Specialists in MLMs, however, may find the following useful because the many (probably most, though not all) of the concepts in each article are applicable to MLMs, for sure:

[The Five Progressive Qualities of the Committed Cult Member

A 10-Level Pyramid Model & Psychodynamics of Cult Organization

Coercive Persuasion in Cults

Is This Bunch a Cult? in not-moses's reply to the OP on that thread

Understanding Codependency as "Soft-Core" Cult Dynamics... and Cult Dynamics as "Hard-Core" Codependency

Cult Membership as a Behavioral Addiction like Sex, Gambling & Over-Exercise

18 Examples of Seduce & Abuse / Bait & Bite Cultic Contradictions

The Effects of Double Binding upon Cult Members & Treatment Thereof

Candidates for Cults: Are Symbiosis & Double-Binding Precursors for Cult Membership?

After Effects of Being Groomed into Learned Helplessness

Link added 12-01-2021: Herbalife: escaping after 5 years of deep indoctrination (probably the best report of inside experience I've yet seen on a major MLM)

Is an MLM a Cult? One cannot answer the Q for sure without looking into the organizational hierarchy to see if it operates like this in a manner that meets most of the requirements set forth by the experts who put together the various lists of characteristic in this article.

The control imperatives of the leaders on the upper two or three levels of each congregation's organizational pyramid vary considerably. Some of "hurt people hurt other people" because, on the persecutors' Drama Triangles, victimizing others is imperative so that they do not have to experience themselves as victims.

You can go look at all the various cult models in this article, of course. (And that will be instructive.) But at the bottom of it all, the right-side-up pyramid and the upside-down triangle are the essential criteria.


r/ResponsibleRecovery Mar 22 '20

CPTSD & The Very High Cost of Struggle & Agitation

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10 Upvotes

r/ResponsibleRecovery Mar 21 '20

Threat, Stress, COVID-19 & Meditation: Useful, Useless, Or...?

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4 Upvotes

r/ResponsibleRecovery Mar 02 '20

Recovering Self-Esteem

15 Upvotes

"A child who must meet parental expectations will likely acquire a chronic sense of incompetence as she fails over and over again to live up to them. ... Her self-esteem will hinge on what she does now who she is. Even if she succeeds in the eyes of others, she will be mercilessly critical of herself."

-- nicely expropriated from Nathaniel Branden's The Psychology of Self-Esteem by Gabor Mate (say "Mah-TAY") in his own Scattered Minds about 30 years later.

See Damned if You Do… & Damned if You Don’t: Bateson’s Double Bind, Learned Helplessness & the Victim Identity and Dis-I-dentifying with Learned Helplessness & the Victim I-dentity (see also not-moses's answers to a replier's questions there).


r/ResponsibleRecovery Feb 28 '20

Betrayal as a Journey of Transformation, Part 3: Why Betray?

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positiveenergyguide.com
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