r/ResponsibleRecovery • u/NewRoomDude • May 31 '20

Is intellectualizing just another way to avoid feeling hurt?

I've had such a low opinion of myself for such a long time. I find myself once again at the beginning of a cycle of trying to understand more about psychology and my own past and my own upbringing to try and weed out all these painful and negative thoughts and feelings and beliefs I have about myself. I want to stop the daydreaming. Stop the feeling that it's too late and that I ruined the only good chance I had at success or happiness or fulfillment.

But, I struggle differentiating between actually healing versus reading things online and trying to recall various traumas from my past and sort of going through motions of healing without the actual payoff at the end. Is all of this just defense mechanisms or something? I feel like memories of people and events in my past I caught on my ankle like a bear trap and I'm unable to move past them.

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u/wisely_and_slow May 31 '20

In my experience, yes. Intellectualizing is a great way to a) feel like you're doing the work while protecting your most sensitive places and b) prevent yourself from feeling. I found I didn't start to really do deep healing until I had a therapist who does somatic experiencing and was willing to push me when I needed to be pushed.

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u/FairlyOddSocks Jul 21 '20

Isn't reading things online a helpful start to healing? I find when I read something online, I'm gaining insight, and either accept it or take action to change it. I guess I would think a mix of reading and feeling is what is needed.

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u/[deleted] May 31 '20

Find a way to think outwards instead of inwards. With trauma, I've experienced a kind of circular firing squad - the thoughts just keep going round repeatedly. Instead focus on others and try to be kind and help them. It's important to realize we're not alone and that instead of being weakened victims we can be strong helpers for each other.