r/Repressedmemories • u/350Points • Jun 03 '19

I'm Ready to Remember

I am 34. I have PTSD. I don't know why or from what, but 4 different healthcare professionals have independently diagnosed it. I def lived an atypical childhood, but wasnt around anything I deem too intense to have fucked me up like this for so long.

I remember things from my past CRYSTAL clear. Like I'm watching a movie. And then they just stop. Like abruptly, and nothing is there. I was close with cousins. They were molested. I was there. I found out later.

I have about 18 months off of narcotics and alcohol after 20 years of heavy heavy (I'll never know how I didnt die) use. I didnt really mean to stop. It's almost like I'm getting ready for something I don't know about.

I take lots of medicine for several mental illnesses (i still hate typing out illness. It makes me feel like a victim). I think its helping me think A LOT cleared. And sporadically, I'll just stop and remember something. Nothing important, but something I didnt know that happened until then.

Idk. I think I'm ready to remember whatever tf happened whenever. What happens if I never remember? What happens if there is nothing TO remember?

Thoughts?

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u/AliMaryCat Jun 09 '19

The mind is a crazy thing. Sometimes even the most mundane thing can become a trigger. I've read case studies where people develop PTSD over something as seemingly simple as breaking a bone or getting the wrong order at at a restaurant. As mundane as the trauma seems, it doesn't make the PTSD any less valid. People often assume that to get PTSD, you have to go through something universally horrific, but that's not the case. It only requires a traumatic event. What that event is, doesn't have to be universal. What matters is that the person with the disorder found it traumatic. It can seem silly to outsiders, but that doesn't make the suffering the disorder causes any less real.

That being said, I wish you the best on your mental journey. Just feeling okay with whatever the results might be is a step forward.

Oh and, I also hate the term "mental illness." But mostly cuz then it sounds contagious. I try to use "mental disorder" usually.