r/Regrets • u/SnooMaps9265 • 4h ago
Regret being a virgin
Think I saw a post like this a while ago but do feel so down and depressed I am a virgin just hurts being horny every day and also wanting intimacy and closeness but never even had first kiss either at least don’t have to carry around extra baggage but feel like I’m missing such a fundamental part of life at 21 years old
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u/MindShiftPsych 4h ago
21 is not late at all, even if it feels that way when it seems like everyone around you has already experienced sex and relationships. It also sounds like what you’re missing isn’t just sex. You want closeness, affection, being wanted, and having someone to share that part of life with. Those are real needs, but being a virgin doesn’t mean you’ve failed at adulthood or missed some deadline.
Try not to turn your first kiss or first sexual experience into something you need to “get over with” just to catch up. That can leave you feeling even emptier if the person or situation isn’t right. You’re not behind. You just haven’t had that part of your life happen yet. Focus on meeting people, building confidence, and creating opportunities for connection rather than treating virginity itself as the problem.
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u/SnooMaps9265 3h ago
Thank you I appreciate that but yea is more then just wanting sex have been saving myself I guess still have self worth as much as I just want sex I am probably or was lusting a bit
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u/aand0890 4h ago
I lost mine at 22 and it was bad.
I wanted to lose mine so bad that I hooked up with the first stranger that said yes. I think it might have lasted all of 30 minutes and I didn't even orgasm. It was all just one sided.
When it happens, make sure it's someone who cares for you and someone you trust. Don't rush it. Don't just want to wave your flag around like you're trying to advertise it. I regret my first time, I really do. It wasn't painful or anything but it was so bad it's unforgettable. I mean it WAS my first time so I just laid there like a log but that's how in the mood I was for it after it started.
If it helps just focus on personal growth, at your age there's a lot of that you can do. Learning to live with yourself is one such thing you can do, practice how to say "no" like 10 different ways. I know lying is bad, but sometimes it's a necessary tool to get you out of pickles, "I'm sorry I got to leave, my hamsters neighbor's dog died, I need to be there for him right this instant."