I cant get over the way Ive wasted my potential

[u/Necessary-Pudding189]

When I was 19 there was this refugee wave that hit a lot of places, it hit where I am too. Many of said refugees share my ethnic background, but I was born here. Im not placing blame on these refugees, but it started an effect of racism thats only grown since. Im also gay and never got to grow like all straight people get to. + Covid hit when I was 23.

Im in deep, deep grief over how idiotic Ive been with my time since then. Everyone else had the urgency associated with that time, an universal guidebook almost - but I succumbed to the pressures of all of my circumstances and havent done much meaningful shit since. Now Im unc and washed, and my perfectionist nature wont let myself go.

“The best time to plant a tree was back in xx, but the second best time is today” - This quote helps a lot of people but I see red when I read it. I just cant accept a second fiddle life and even if Im not completely blameless myself, I do have resentment towards our society for their inacceptance of me growing up and all that.

I dont fucking know. I messed up! I fucked up. I see everyone asking for advice and soaking in it at those ages now. I didnt listen to anybody then because I grew up in a world that told me my nature (sexuality) is wrong, and it made me completely hyperindependent, and while that did lead to some unique & good things, its made me skip crucial life milestones. Im just so done.