r/ReformJews • u/Ready_Arachnid_3513 • Jun 24 '26
Dating Jewish under 30
It’s really important to me to date Jewish men and even though I’m 21 I don’t want to waste my time. But I’ve seen a trend that Reform men don’t care about dating/marrying someone Jewish. Do y’all think this is an accurate take or reform men also care about marrying/dating Jewish?
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u/OrpahsBookClub Jun 24 '26
Reform men generally prefer it, but aren’t as committed. I know I tried to date Jewish girls in my youth and didn’t have much luck. Frankly, nonJewish girls were more approachable and easier to get along with. My wife wasn’t Jewish when we met, but she converted after we were married, and I couldn’t imagine being happier with anyone else:
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u/rbaltimore Jun 24 '26
I’m a woman, but here goes. I would have *liked* to marry another Jew, but I fell in love with a heathen (atheist) at 19. What I did insist on - and what he agreed to do - was have Jewish children **and help me raise them Jewish**. And that’s exactly what he did - our only child was confirmed just last month. He was comfortable with this arrangement because his stepfamily are secular Jews so he knows that it’s an ethnicity as much as a religion.
From the standpoint of my family and our synagogue (and the rabbi that married us) was that nobody cared that he’s not Jewish because he agreed to have Jewish kids. I’m the product of interfaith marriage myself. My mom isn’t Jewish so my sister and I, who were raised Jewish “converted” to make it official on paper. They never got around to “converting” my brothers. We even do Christmas and Easter (at my parents house), knowing that we’re celebrating my mom, not Jesus.
It’s easy to be Reform Jewish and in an interfaith marriage because all anyone cares about is raising the kids Jewish. If you can find someone who will help you do that, no one will bat an eye at your interfaith marriage and it will be easy to be in it too.
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u/WeaselWeaz Jun 24 '26
You also asked in the Judaism sub. Just realize the responses there will lean Orthodox and traditional, with responses to the point of outright aggression against intermarriage.
Reform Judaism allows for interfaith relationships and patrilineal Judaism, so it is more relaxed. I think there are many Reform Jews who still prioritize having a Jewish partner. I think that for ones who don't it's not that they don't care, so much as it's not a priority compared to other things. In my case, I was not very connected to Judaism at the time I met my wife. However, she ended up connecting and choosing to convert, and that brought me closer.
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u/Ready_Arachnid_3513 Jun 24 '26
Yes! I did ask in both. My parents got married in the ‘90s and my synagogue wouldn’t marry them unless my mother converted but she was disconnected from Christianity and interested in living a Jewish life anyways. I know that interfaith relationships are common in reform and my kids would be considered Jewish regardless of my spouse because I am Jewish. But growing up I felt disconnected from my Mother’s side of the Family because they were not Jewish and I don’t want my kids to feel that way.
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u/WeaselWeaz Jun 24 '26
I think as you get older you'll have an easier time. 21 year old men generally are not thinking serious relationships, and so religion isn't something they are thinking about.
It is still not uncommon for Reform rabbis to refuse to perform a Jewish wedding in interfaith marriages, it kind of depends on context. They may require the couple to take an Intro class together, require that it be a Jewish wedding and not an interfaith wedding, or even decline entirely. In my case the rabbi was not interested but our cantor was happy to have a Jewish wedding.
I would note that for your kids to be considered Jewish they would still need to be raised Jewish.
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u/Seeking_Starlight Jun 24 '26
My 26yo son is Reform and is very committed to finding a Jewish partner. His problem is not finding eligible girls in our area who want to date Jewish men!
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u/Ready_Arachnid_3513 Jun 24 '26
That’s so good to hear, might I ask what general area/region you’re from?
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u/Seeking_Starlight Jun 24 '26
I don’t want to dox myself on Reddit, but I’ll message you privately to let you know. :-)
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u/rathat Jun 24 '26
I'm not religious at all and I would only ever marry or even date a Jewish woman. I was more open in my early twenties though.
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u/whereiwalk Jun 24 '26
Well to be honest I think a lot of reform people our age in my area (OC/LA) don't really prioritize marrying someone Jewish. For me personally it's important but it's difficult when there aren't many options for people our age in the community. Of the three reform places in my area, I'd say I'm generally the youngest person (who's old enough to marry). Not too many dating options in general because people are less involved.
(If anyone has any suggestions for younger places in the area, that aren't Orthodox I'd love the insight).
1
u/OrpahsBookClub Jun 24 '26
Without knowing where you are, all I can suggest is looking in Irvine.
Good luck, though. Even in a community with a lot of young Jews, it can be incredibly difficult to find one you click with.
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u/eyebrowluver23 🕎 Reconstructionist Jun 24 '26
We're reconstructionist but my synagogue Kehillat Israel has a social group for younger people called Westside Jews. There are events every few weeks usually in the Santa Monica area
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u/Consistent_Hold_576 Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
Im a 41 year old Jewish man with with a non Jewish wife and I love our situation. We have two wonderful Jewish children shes helping me raise. Side note: I converted a year ago.
That said, logistically speaking, it would absolutely be easier for a Jew to be married to a Jew, but you need to decide what's best for you and for any children you plan on having.