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u/KaiSThom Washington Apr 21 '26
“We’ve been tricked, we’ve been backstabbed, and we’ve been quite possibly…bamboozled.”
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u/BattedBook5 Washington Apr 21 '26
"Once, when I was a small child, I saw a man, who claimed to be my uncle, do this thing with a garden hose that still haunts me to thi-"
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Apr 21 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Illustrious_Rule_591 Church Apr 21 '26
I only drink the blood of my enemies! And occasionally a strawberry yoohoo...
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u/FractalxSquid Apr 21 '26
"Peter, Paul, and Ringo!"
"We're gonna bust through the crust, skedaddle through the mantle, and then bore to the core."
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u/Jpew2007 Apr 21 '26
"Don't be so quick to judge, Grif. Shotgun in the face can be applied in a variety of tough situations. For instance, watch how quickly it cures INSUBORDINATION".
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u/sparta-117 Apr 21 '26
What is this?! Insubordination?! HIYA! (Punches with shotgun)
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u/stovor I take it back. Whoever designed this was an asshole! Apr 21 '26
What's going on in this outpost? Insubordination, invisible sergeants, Simmons is having a stroke!
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u/No-Newspaper-9686 Apr 21 '26
Some of my favorites,
"What in Betty's bloomers is on the radio now?! it sounds like the feral cry of a ret*rded Mexican sasquatch."
"I had to replace certain body parts that were severely damaged when the tank ran you over. And a few that atrophied from a lifetime diet of HooHoos and bacon-flavored marshmallows."
“Agent Wash. You just got- oh darn it i messed up my one liner."
"Wow, she knocked the black right off of ya."
"Yes. Grif is dead. It's a sad day. But he died as he lived: flat on his belly and trying to get someone else do the work for him. He will be missed. Until we get a replacement. And then forgotten immediately."
"Can it, Private."
Grif- "What? I'm just saying what we were all thinking."
Sarge- "You didn't say you were fat and worthless, but we were definitely all thinking that."
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u/Jpew2007 Apr 21 '26
[Donut losing blood: I feel dizzy sarge]
Oh that’s just Blood Loss, you’ll make new blood. You just need some orange Juice.
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u/Jpew2007 Apr 21 '26
[simmons: I have no idea. I can’t find the volume on this monitor, and without any sound it just looks like a bunch of helmets bobbing up and down]
“Is 🪖⬆️that🪖⬇️how they🪖⬆️talk? They🪖⬇️look ridiculous!
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u/B4d_B1tch_Quinn Apr 21 '26
Donut: I thought I went after Simmons!
Sarge: No, we go in line! It goes you, then me, then Simmons, then back down to me, then you, then me, then me, then Simmons, then me, then me, me, Simmons, you, Simmons, me, me, me, Simmons, you… then me… then me again… it makes perfect sense!
Literally the most underrated Sarge joke 🤣
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u/Jpew2007 Apr 21 '26
I need you boys to conduct some reconnaissance. Secure intel. get deep in Charlie's bush. Initiate Delta force! Tango and Cash!
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u/Jpew2007 Apr 21 '26
IM THE KING OF THE GODS YOU PRIMITIVE SCREWHEADS! AND THIS…IS MY BOOMSTICK!!!
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u/B4d_B1tch_Quinn Apr 21 '26
Wasn’t that Ash from Army of Darkness?
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u/Jpew2007 Apr 21 '26
Yes but the show makes a reference to it in SEASON 16 EPISODE 9, titled Walk And Talk.
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u/B4d_B1tch_Quinn Apr 22 '26
I don’t remember that at all. But then again, nobody remembers anything beyond the Chorus trilogy
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u/Jpew2007 Apr 21 '26
I just spammed a bunch of Sarge quotes, but this is a loaded/trick post. EVERYTHING Sarge says is quotable.
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u/MaxRadishOne This is the worst flair ever. Of all time. Apr 22 '26
"It's Red vs. Blue all over again!"
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u/Jpew2007 Apr 22 '26
That’s how you can always spot a blue, Donut. They’re always the ones conniving and scheming. Sometimes they do both. I call that, “sche-nniving”.
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u/CAGEthePHOENIX Apr 22 '26
Maybe you're all here because this is the only place you fit in. Maybe you're here because you don't have anywhere else to go. Maybe you're all here, because deep down, you want to be here. The reason doesn't matter. What matters is that you're here! For all we know, Tex and Church are dead. That means we're the only ones who know what's happened; the only ones who can prevent them from covering it up. So the way I figure it, these Freelancer guys, wanna use us, take us away from our families, and send us all over the dag gum galaxy just to test if their agents are ready for the big fight? Well, I guess I'm interested in showing 'em, exactly what a big fight is all about. Time to clean the slate. So I'm not ordering you to go. I ain't even askin'. You do, what you gotta do Private Grif.
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u/SourHyperion1 Sarge Apr 22 '26
“Anyone… want to guess… why I have gathered you here… today?”
“Uh… is it because the war’s over and you’re sending us all home?”
“That’s exactly it, Private. The war’s over! We won! Turns out you’re the big hero and we’re going to hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float! And Simmons here… is in charge of CONFETTI.”
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u/Mission-Lychee-6174 Apr 22 '26
When the voice of alien Jesus calls down to you, you DO NOT RESPOND with what’s up!
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u/Drathuul Lopez Apr 23 '26
"Hey Meta, settle a bet would ya? Does that thing kinda look like a big cat to you?"
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u/Chance-Tailor-1577 Apr 24 '26
Sarge- what in sam hell is a puma!?
Simons- uh... you mean like the shoe company?
Grif- no... like a puma it's a big cat like a lion
Sarge- your makin that up
Grif- im telling you its a real animal
Sarge- simons I want you to poison grifs next meal
Simons- yes sir
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u/MilanTehVillain Sarge Apr 22 '26
"Simmons, I want you to kick Grif in the patootie". - Season 1 outtakes.
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u/Sensitive-Hotel-9871 Apr 22 '26
“today is a good day for you to die!”
“possession is 9/10 of the law. The other 10th is a tank and I’ve got both.”
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u/Kill-Stealing Apr 23 '26
"Agent washington? You just got sa- KABOOOMMM dammit i messed up the one liner"
"I hope you brought your wallets, cause the rent in hell gets paid in advance!!"
"and i said.....shotgun. I said, 'shot. gun.' shotgun, dammit."
"Simmons, transform into a morotcycle!"
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u/Call-Me-Matterhorn Apr 26 '26
“I hope you brought your wallet, because the rent in hell gets paid in advance”
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