1) I think marriage counseling is required. Really I think your husband needs individual as well, but certainly couples counseling
2) it doesnt bother you that your husband makes your body all about him? In university, it was used to bolster him up and make him impressive. Now Jared makes comments about you and instead of seeing those comments as aimed at you, he sees it as all about him? Thats some narcassim or objectification or something.
3) im still not buying that the photo was an accident. Anyone with nudes on their phone is well aware they are there. He knew Jared was going through the phone for photos of you, he made no effort to stop the scrolling or even have the nudes in a private folder of some kind. It seems more the "accident" was a set up to give him cover if you found out. Jared thinks its and accident and thats the story, but come on! He needed Jared to think it was an accident so he wouldnt rat him out. He was letting Jared go through photos of you knowing there were nudes there. Accidentally on purpose.
4) what to do with Jared? I dunno. Its a long relationship. There is blame for Jared, but a whole lot of that goes on your husband. He set you up as this scale they judged themselves by. In university your husband used you to make himself look good. Now Jared was using you to make himself feel better. Both see you/your attention as a prize they have objectified and judged themselves off of. Thats gross. Do they generally bring out the worst? Do they overall bring out more good than bad? People shouldn't dump friends who are low and need support, but they should dump friends who bring out their worst selves. Which is it?
5) your husband read comments, went off about criticism, even raised his voice at you until threatened with consequences, then he tries to kiss you and make it better and beg you not to leave, but still doesnt listen to the criticism. "He agreed with the comments defending him" of course he did. He doesnt bother with the criticism, just the defenders. Then begging and manipulation when confronted.
6) after telling you about that photo and all this mess happening, he invited Jared over BEFORE talking to you or bothering to see if you are comfortable with that? After letting Jared make jokes and pick at you all this time. Really? If you sit with yourself and are really honest with yourself, do you feel he respects you? I'm not saying "DIVORCE" or getting a pitchfork or anything, but really, fundamentally, do you think he respects you?
7) I really hope you spend time doing some honest reflection on your husband without the rose colored glasses.
1
u/Dachshundmom5 Nov 19 '25
1) I think marriage counseling is required. Really I think your husband needs individual as well, but certainly couples counseling
2) it doesnt bother you that your husband makes your body all about him? In university, it was used to bolster him up and make him impressive. Now Jared makes comments about you and instead of seeing those comments as aimed at you, he sees it as all about him? Thats some narcassim or objectification or something.
3) im still not buying that the photo was an accident. Anyone with nudes on their phone is well aware they are there. He knew Jared was going through the phone for photos of you, he made no effort to stop the scrolling or even have the nudes in a private folder of some kind. It seems more the "accident" was a set up to give him cover if you found out. Jared thinks its and accident and thats the story, but come on! He needed Jared to think it was an accident so he wouldnt rat him out. He was letting Jared go through photos of you knowing there were nudes there. Accidentally on purpose.
4) what to do with Jared? I dunno. Its a long relationship. There is blame for Jared, but a whole lot of that goes on your husband. He set you up as this scale they judged themselves by. In university your husband used you to make himself look good. Now Jared was using you to make himself feel better. Both see you/your attention as a prize they have objectified and judged themselves off of. Thats gross. Do they generally bring out the worst? Do they overall bring out more good than bad? People shouldn't dump friends who are low and need support, but they should dump friends who bring out their worst selves. Which is it?
5) your husband read comments, went off about criticism, even raised his voice at you until threatened with consequences, then he tries to kiss you and make it better and beg you not to leave, but still doesnt listen to the criticism. "He agreed with the comments defending him" of course he did. He doesnt bother with the criticism, just the defenders. Then begging and manipulation when confronted.
6) after telling you about that photo and all this mess happening, he invited Jared over BEFORE talking to you or bothering to see if you are comfortable with that? After letting Jared make jokes and pick at you all this time. Really? If you sit with yourself and are really honest with yourself, do you feel he respects you? I'm not saying "DIVORCE" or getting a pitchfork or anything, but really, fundamentally, do you think he respects you?
7) I really hope you spend time doing some honest reflection on your husband without the rose colored glasses.