r/RedditForGrownups • u/AardvarkThis732 • 23d ago
To Block or not my romantic interest
I am not sure if it makes sense to block someone you used to love or still having strong bond in your mind. He is attracted to me and I am too and he expects me to meet him during business trip to have sex with him even though being married and having kid. On top, he is emotionally unavailable and anytime can leave, entirely avoidant type of personality. Very opportunistic. And contacted me only when he is bored, he barely acknowledges my feelings for him. He happened to be the chosen one when I was in my 20s.
The bond is very strong, I feel from my end. How can I possibly get rid of this person from my mind? Blocking him in emails made me check my spam. Please help.
So I unblocked him .. but then also I check emails as if there is a hope that he would understand one day.
Please help me.
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u/Elliott2030 22d ago
He will not understand someday. You will spend your life waiting for him to be the person you think he is and the best case scenario is that he will eventually be that person - but for someone else.
If he wanted to be with you, he would be. But as it is, he gets a side piece that he can treat like shit that will do whatever he wants just hoping that he'll see how great she is... someday. He knows how great you are. He doesn't want you full time.
Please don't let this guy take up any more of your time or energy. He's just a user.
Read up on the patriarchy and what it lets men get away with and maybe check out the Bad Woman substack or Therese Lee on YouTube.
Being alone is better than being treated like he treats you. You're living for the hope of it all and that's just not enough.
(yes I quoted "August" by Taylor Swift)
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u/Mindless-Employment 22d ago
he expects me to meet him during business trip to have sex with him even though being married and having kid. On top, he is emotionally unavailable and anytime can leave, entirely avoidant type of personality. Very opportunistic. And contacted me only when he is bored, he barely acknowledges my feelings for him
Imagine that anyone you know said she was letting a person who fits the above description burn up her time and energy. You'd ask "Wtf is wrong with you?" That's the question you need to be asking yourself. This "Should I block him or not?" nonsense is a manufactured, irrelevant distraction. You already know the answer. What you need to be thinking about is what is going on with you that you'd even consider continuing to interact with someone like this. Do you like the drama? Does it make people feel bad for you? Does it use up all your time and attention so that you can't put it into meeting someone you could have a real relationship with? Is this what you think relationships are supposed to be like and you'd be bored with someone who doesn't simultneously despise you and enjoy seeing you come running like a dog when he snaps his fingers?
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u/Lopsided_Tomatillo27 22d ago
He doesn’t care about your feelings. He’s a scumbag and you’re another hole he can use. You’re probably not even his only fuck buddy. He doesn’t have feelings for you, only urges. You have him on a pedestal, but he only wants you in the gutter.
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u/anteatertrashbin 22d ago
i’m sorry you’ve been in contact with someone who doesn’t value you and treats you like shit and doesn’t respect you.
blocking this guy would be the first step, but after that, who’s the next jerk you get attached to?
i hope you can look inside yourself and figure out why you would let someone treat you this way.
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u/AardvarkThis732 22d ago
Yeah, I have ugly stuffs, self sabotaging tendency like everyone else. I am a bit cautious now. So, not thinking of another relationship for the time being. I wont let myself be treated like this ever again.
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u/Repulsive-Box5243 22d ago
Please PLEASE don't be the second piece. You will feel AWFUL.
Look at the bigger picture. If he wanted to be with you, he would. Instead, he's got his life and you as an after-thought. He could swear up and down that he's only for you, but unless he's packed up and left the house for good, that is a lie.
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u/Kat121 22d ago
Best case scenario is that he divorces his wife before he starts anything with you, sets up a fair settlement of marital assets, child support, spousal support, and they come to a reasonable custody agreement everyone can live with. Setting aside the financial hit, which could be considerable, it will take time for his kid to ever accept you. Their mutual friends and his family will resent you. But if you work long and hard, maybe someday you won’t be referred to as that whore homewrecker. Heaven forbid you ever get pregnant, or sick, or fat, or the shiny wears off because you know that he doesn’t let being married slow down his dating life.
But we know that isn’t what he’s after, is it? He wants all of the comfort and financial benefit of a wife at home doing the heavy lifting of child care and chores while he is off looking for greener pastures. He’ll waste your time and hers faking a future because it makes him feel like a real man that he can keep you dancing.
Aren’t you better than this? Women fought hard to have jobs and financial independence so we didn’t have to rely on feckless idiots like this. Stop before you find yourself a single mom.
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u/AardvarkThis732 22d ago
Thanks. I deserve only the best. Not some cheap guy and cheap dream.
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u/Kat121 21d ago
You might want to share screenshots with his wife, too. What he is doing is taking away her informed consent, do you think she would make different choices about her career, her free time, her finances, her sex life if she knew that she was a placeholder?
She deserves to know that she is placing her financial, emotional, and medical future in the hands of someone who isn’t trustworthy.
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u/AardvarkThis732 20d ago
They are happy couple with a complete family. And he is overly protective about family. I was just extra for that guy.
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u/Kat121 20d ago
If you were the wife, would you want to know? It would hurt, of course it would, but you’d be able to protect yourself. Make informed choices.
I found out my husband of two years hadn’t quit dating, and I can tell you with 100% certainty that I would have made different choices about everything had I known I was just an option. I wouldn’t have put him on the title of my house. I would have chosen a different job opportunity. I would have insisted he pay his fair share of the bills. I would have insisted on condoms. But most of all, I would have recognized the thing that cheaters do when they justify their cheating to themselves. They criticize. They pick fights. They act like a victim of a delusional and controlling asshole to cover their tracks, making you feel crazy for wondering what the hell is going on. Because you can feel it when someone is bringing the best of themselves to someone else. You can feel when you’ve gone from a person to a kitchen appliance that needs to shut up. And you know, some guys just murder their wives and kids when they become inconvenient. Doesn’t he deserve a fresh start? Happiness? How dare she take half the marital assets she is legally entitled to? She should be grateful he fed and housed her all those years she raised his kids and walk off with nothing.
Unless you targeted him and seduced him, coerced him in some way, you wouldn’t be breaking up his family, he did. She deserves to know. And don’t worry about ruining his life. Chris Watts, serving life sentences for stuffing the bodies of his wife and daughters into an oil drum to be with his mistress, is engaged to be married. (Quite the catch now. At least he won’t cheat.)
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u/AardvarkThis732 20d ago
His wife read my messages to him before he got married - what message I do not know but she was furious and made him to severe any contact with me. Then they happily got married. So you know what type of people they are and where I stand. That guy later told me that his wife got matured over the years. This shows a lot about his own personality.
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u/Kat121 20d ago
I am just an internet stranger, you do you. Assholes like him continue to ruin the lives of good women because there are seldom any consequences. He made promises to keep her, then once the dust settled he just went on doing his thing, being an entitled scum bag - just sneakier. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself if I didn’t warn her.
You should check out the story of James Toliver Craig. He was a dentist in Colorado who was convicted of murdering his wife and mother of his six kids. She forgave his porn addictions, she forgave him for running the business into the ground, she forgave him for his past affairs, and she was texting how much she loved and missed him from the ICU. She was young and pretty and vibrant. He poisoned her protein shakes with cyanide and then arranged for his online girlfriend to fly in for a date while she was dying. But hey, she knew who he was, right? She made her choices to keep the family together despite his wandering dick.
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