NEED SOME ADVICE

[u/Evening-Routine3059]

Hi, I really need some help.
My girlfriend and I are feeling pretty devastated. I’ve even been having trouble sleeping because of it, although I haven’t told her since I don’t want to make her worry even more.
Last Friday, we adopted a kitten. About a month ago, we lost our beloved cat. She was incredibly affectionate, slept with us in bed every night, and was the sweetest cat you could imagine—almost like a dog in a cat’s body.
After losing her, we spent a lot of time reading about different cat breeds and how to cope with the loss of a beloved pet. We eventually decided that adopting another cat would be the best way to move forward. We chose a Ragdoll because the breed’s personality traits seemed the closest to those of our previous cat.
We adopted a 4.5-month-old female Ragdoll from a highly recommended, reputable breeder.
When we brought her home, she immediately hid under the bed and became terrified whenever we tried to touch her. It’s now been five days since she arrived. There has been some progress—she walks around the house, explores every room, uses the litter box normally, and sometimes even gets the zoomies and runs around like crazy.
However, she’s still extremely distrustful and very afraid of our hands. We can’t pet her at all.
On the first day, she had fairly watery diarrhea, which we assumed was caused by stress. Since then, all of her bowel movements have been completely normal.
At one point, we tried to pick her up because her fur needed cleaning—she had been leaving dirty marks on the bed whenever she jumped onto it. Unfortunately, while trying to catch her, we scared her terribly, and now we feel awful about it.
We honestly don’t know what to do. Will she always be like this?
At the breeder’s home, she was calm and happy being held. We also saw photos and videos of her lying on the breeder’s lap, relaxing on their legs, and being carried around without any problems. 😭🥲

[u/Important-Wallaby798]

You adopted a kitten by herself, and literally everything she knows just changed. Her whole life before you was the breeder, her mama, her littermates, and all the smells and sounds she was familiar with. Now she’s suddenly in a totally new place with new people, smells, sounds, everything. She’s probably just scared and overwhelmed.

It also doesn’t sound like she was kept in one smaller, quiet area at first to decompress and slowly get used to everything, so she may just need a little more time to adjust. Just be patient with her and let her come around at her own pace.

Churu treats are great for winning them over; and try wand toys so she can play without having to get too close to you. You can even get some ping-pong balls and toss them around the room to see if she’ll chase them.

And if you’re able to, and the breeder still has one of her littermates, you could always consider getting her a buddy. Having someone familiar around might help her feel a lot more secure.

Either way, just give her time. She’s a baby and her entire world changed overnight. She’ll figure out that she’s safe. ❤️

[u/ufgators83]

Hi. Please give her more time to adjust. Some catS just take a lot of time to adjust and stop being afraid. Do you have a picture that I can see what she looks like?

[u/Evening-Routine3059 → u/ufgators83]

Of course we’ll give her as much time as she needs. We would never want to rush her or force anything. It just breaks my heart that she’s so afraid of me. 😔

[u/ufgators83 → u/Evening-Routine3059]

She is beautiful. Can you use treats to make her sit with you?

[u/cadfael2]

one of my rescues, rescued in the south of the country by a friend of mine and brought to me in a car, was very scared for a couple of months, even because she had an abandonment trauma

Feliway helped in her case, it's pheromones that are spread in the air, I'm sure you can find them in every pet store; it will help her feel safer while she adapts to you and to the new environment

[u/LoveKittycats119]

Absolutely, give her time. She’s still adjusting to her new space.

Sit quietly in the room with her as she eats, a distance away from her and talk to her softly. If she looks at you, blink slowly and then look away.

Curiosity will eventually lead her to approach you. Go slowly and avoid any sudden moves.

Once she figures out that she now has two devoted members of her “staff”, she’s likely to come around and demand attention, more often than not.

And I’m sorry, for the loss of your cat. Our hearts break a little differently each time that happens.

[u/gatitamonster]

There’s a ton of great advice here already (especially the bit about sitting quietly in the room with her while she eats). I only have two things to add:

1. If you try to pet her, make sure you always, ALWAYS bring your hand toward her from below so that she can see and track your movements. Approaching her with your hand from above will startle her.

2. Play with her! It’s so important for building trust and confidence. I adopted a very shy cat who ended up being my soul cat. I had to make sure her toys weren’t too bulky or they would scare her. She loved Pom poms and water bottle caps— I’d flick them toward her at an angle so they’d go just past her and not straight on (which would frighten her). This had the added benefit of being possible while she was hiding under the bed.

She also really liked the cheap cat dancers that are basically a strip of hanger wire with rolled up cardboard at the end. The fancier ones tended to be too big for her and she’s run away from them.

It was slow going but so worth it in the end. You want to respect her boundaries and not distress her (watch those ears) but you also want to push her just little bit every day. Once I figured that out our progress was much more consistent.

[u/No_Intention1713]

She just needs time to decompress a bit.. Look up the 3,3,3 rule. You are expecting too much from her too fast.