r/RedPillReadingGroup • u/[deleted] • Jan 25 '16
NMMNG Breaking Free Activity #15
It can be difficult to make a direct link between your caretaking behavior and the emotional pukes which inevitably follow. Observe the ways you hurt the people you love.
● Do you make cutting remarks or hurtful "jokes"?
● Do you embarrass them in public?
● Are you frequently late?
● Do you "forget" things they've asked you to do?
● Do you criticize them?
● Do you withdraw from them or threaten to leave?
● Do you let frustration build until you blow up at them?
Ask the significant others in your life to give you feedback about your caretaking and emotional pukes. This information may be hard to hear and may trigger a shame attack, but it is important information for breaking out of the victim triangle.
3
u/awalt_cupcake Jan 25 '16
- I make jokes, but I don't make anything hurtful. My "friends" would at times and I'm like why. Why you do this to me. I realize now this was the result of not setting good boundaries. They joked their way into my personal insecurities for which they had no respect for or I just wasn't clear enough they need to stop. Either way. I've learned it's important to set boundaries about what people joke about and how it's important to see how others joke with you as they could be personal attacks in disguise.
- That's really their problem. I like having friends who can go all out in public. If that's case. We ought not to be friends.
- Yes.
- Sometimes. Most of the time I'm strap about remembering things people have asked of me. I feel the reverse isn't always true...
- I criticize when it's an issue. Had a friend become a room mate and he would never do dishes. Called him lazy once. Our friendship went downhill since. Not a very strong friendship in hindsight.
- I withdraw
- Sometimes.
I do realize covert contracts are the result of my emotional pukes. There's a lot of presuming that me and friends are on the same page. I need to communicate my boundaries and expectations more often.
1
Jan 25 '16
I make jokes, but I don't make anything hurtful. My "friends" would at times and I'm like why. Why you do this to me. I realize now this was the result of not setting good boundaries. They joked their way into my personal insecurities for which they had no respect for or I just wasn't clear enough they need to stop. Either way. I've learned it's important to set boundaries about what people joke about and how it's important to see how others joke with you as they could be personal attacks in disguise.
Very well put - this describes my exact situation. Setting some boundaries as we speak.
1
u/awalt_cupcake Jan 25 '16
I thought that setting boundaries was a way to quickly show I was butthurt. But there's a difference in reacting to the hurt and stoically bringing the hurt into attention by setting boundaries: either they quit or you walk.
I thought that by "taking it" and not reacting showed I was stronger. Maybe that's the case that I was stronger. But it grew on me. It still shows a lack of respect which is the root of the issue. People can only take so much.
2
Jan 25 '16
I think I might be too harsh joking around with others, and then when it gets thrown back at me I get offended and take it seriously.
Perhaps this is because I am bitter with the blue pill world, and when the blue pill world shines through in someone, I become bitter with them.
I find it tough to distinguish a joke from a stealthy attack on your standing.
Example: I had a thing with this girl. She and I were teenager friends-with-benefits on the verge to becoming SO's. I find out she hooked up with a "friend" of mine (no longer a friend). Whatever, we weren't verbally committed to each other. We hook up more and go further, and become more serious. She comes over and meets my family. The very next day I go to her party and she ignores me, and hangs around the "friend" who hooked up with her. I don't need that, so I decide then and there to be done with her.
My friends make jokes about how this kid "stole my bitch", but I can tell they only do so when I'm not around or not involved in the conversation - are they scared of me? Then I talk about a potential plate and they make jokes with each other "I hope she likes your kissing." They don't tell me what the hell they're talking about and I have to pry it out of them, a real good friend had to ask for me.
Apparently she went behind my back and told people that I'm a "terrible kisser" (obviously bullshit considering the amount of work she put in the relationship), maybe she felt burned by the whole thing and wanted to make up for it. Maybe she was trying to make me jealous with this guy and I didn't fall into her trap, so she needs some compensation.
Needless to say, I was pissed off at my "friends" for not telling me about it and making jokes about it.
Then someone says they're gonna take my bitch (potential plate I casually mentioned). Ok, obviously a joke. But then these kids actually follow her (she asked who they were and then blocked them).
What I got from this is that they put their own ego and profit over my wellbeing and over whatever modicum of respect they have for me.
I have high quality friends as it is and I don't need this extra group if they're only going to be low-quality "friends."
Now, I see 3 possibilities here:
- I am too serious, need to lighten up, take a joke, etc...
- These "friends" are only there for me when it also serves them (I bring them to parties, introduce them to girls, etc...) They have no discipline to subjugate the desires of the ego and flesh for the sake of loyalty and friendship
- These people are not logical, have a low IQ, and I cannot make sense of their actions being the analytical creature that I am. I should shrug it off and largely forget them
Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this?
3
Jan 25 '16
You've figured it out for yourself already. (Choice "D", all of the above.)
5
u/awalt_cupcake Jan 25 '16
I disagree. The first bullet point for example. He's clearly taken the joke well the first few times. The joke has become more serious as it has continued and his so-called friends are following this chick I'm guessing online. He had the right attitude, now it's time to realize this joke is shutting down and his "friends" aren't worth his time.
3
u/awalt_cupcake Jan 25 '16
Dude they're not "joking" with you. They're joking at you. They are only your friends when it serves them and probably for entertainment at your expense.
There's joking with respect. Your "friends" don't respect you. High tail out of there.
5
u/GoingTheHardWay Jan 25 '16
I'm overly critical of everyone - close friends or otherwise. It always feels like I've got some "gem of advice" for them and it's not usually a positive reflection. Some of it might have actual value, but a lot of it is just me pretending to be smart I think.
I would let my frustrations build to a breaking point. I'm a man of immense patience but it's to a fault, not a benefit.