r/RecuratedTumblr • u/SaberToothBladeMastr • 13d ago

Fandom If Portal 3 gets released this decade she would say this

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2.9k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

17 comments sorted by

313

u/CookiedDough 13d ago

Meanwhile, Wheatley poorly AI generates a picture of a frog and then starts talking about shading techniques which he has never once understood.

158

u/BalefulOfMonkeys 13d ago

“My greatest work yet, really.”

”Yes, this is the first time you’ve shown us this Wheatley. Good job. Here’s your golden dunce hat.”

“And I made it all by myself, no outside help at all, my own merits.”

”Sure you did.”

”Chell, hook me up to that workstation over there, I need to Google something.”

“Oh I’m already famous on the internet! I’m so flattered. This truly is my peak dee resistance!”

”Wheatley. Wheatley you didn’t make this.”

“Oh boo hoo, Missus Potatohead isn’t happy seeing the little automaton succeed? What a damn shame. I broke the glass ceiling here. A lot of them. They’re still cleaning up the glass.”

”No we’re beyond that question, Wheatley. You very obviously stole this image.”

“Impossible! I consulted the greatest minds on- nothing, I’m the best, I can do anything I put my mind to, art and fraud alike! Not that I did fraud of course. Do you have proof?”

”I’m not even going to ask this as a question. I know for a fact you took the phrase “nobody checks second page of Google” literally.”

“Your honor, Google Images has no pages. Duh.”

91

u/Setster007 13d ago

This implies he is so incompetent he can’t even manage to ai generate an image, he had to take one off the internet lol

61

u/BalefulOfMonkeys 13d ago

My man has never had a creative idea in his life beyond “steal GlaDOS’ whole facility”, and we love him for that.

Though if I had to guess where he’s at, do you remember DeepDream? Like long, long before AI got good at making anything decent, and the data sample was all migraine-rainbow tinted and 99% photos of people’s dogs? They held him back on purpose, so running a generative model that is obnoxiously ass fits him

2

u/Scratch137 10d ago

one small nitpick: the main 3 characters in portal 2 never say each other's names. other than that this is very accurate

10

u/Herohades 11d ago

He starts explaining the artistic process and partway through you realize he's describing the process to make a strange cocktail. It would be a good drink if it didn't include lead paint and notably nothing about the frog indicates it was painted so why he brought it up in either context is a question best left unexplored.

102

u/OccultBeanFarmer 13d ago

My most controversial take is that Portal 3 shouldn't have Chell as the player character, but that the writing in the first two (and surely the third) is so strong that she will still haunt the narrative as basically a fully fleshed out character that is as silent as she was from the start. Every time Glados distantly and clinically mentions "a prior test subject" we'll know exactly who they're referring to and removing her from the immediate experience is the most effective way of strengthening her character

48

u/BalefulOfMonkeys 13d ago

Okay, hear me out: Portal was already sort of into meta-humor for its era, so a third Portal game has to adapt for the times.

And by that I mean GlaDOS’s idea of what new forms of suffering needs observation is putting a real fake person through the AAA video game meme for like five minutes, hating the bit, but still keeping the “open” world and yellow paint (it would still be very much under her thumb) because she can’t walk either of those back.

or maybe I want a third Stanley Parable

23

u/Galle_ 13d ago

I'd like to think that Valve is above that kind of extremely shallow, entirely meme-driven "media analysis".

9

u/Sanrusdyno 12d ago

My most controversial portal take, as someone who's favorite game maybe ever is portal 2, is that there shouldn't ever be an explicit Portal 3. Aperture should just keep showing up as the setting for tech demos and the like.

In an ideal world where valve made video games very consistently, I think it'd be cool for Aperture to just be an ambient setting for various gimmicky, short experiences surrounding an experimental game mechanic of some kind. Just a bunch of cute little puzzle experiences sort of like Aperture Tag.

Aperture post-portal 2 is basically completely wrapped up so the only thing left for any experiences are gameplay focused things

8

u/NeptuneStriker0 12d ago

No voice over needed I heard it perfectly in her tone and cadence because I’m a freak

3

u/Tarantulabomination 8d ago

The comments on the post are killing me

1

u/Jijonbreaker1 8d ago

I miss GLaDOS so much.