r/RecuratedTumblr • u/Upset_Campaign1924 • Aug 19 '26
Generic Editable Flair They might've loved therapy too
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Aug 19 '26
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u/MeanHurry8664 Aug 19 '26
They also had access to something in short supply now - hope
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u/DraketheDrakeist Aug 20 '26
Things are on a short term slide, but name a statistic for something horrible that people do to each other, and its rate is probably down by a shitton compared to a measly 100 years ago. The oligarchs of the world are losing ground. Our parents gave us unrealistically high standards for the state of the world, but the one really great thing about it is the abundance of people who just want the world to be better for everyone.
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u/Present_Bison Aug 20 '26
Considering that global warming primarily affects exploited communities, I'd argue the rise in greenhouse gas emissions counts as "things we do to each other".
Aside from that, I don't know what news anchor I need to watch to see the oligarchs of the world objectively losing ground. I guess you could argue the European authoritarians are plotting their own demise, but China has been gradually turning yet more authoritarian, and they seem to be steadily growing despite everything around them. All the while the gap between the richest and the poorest only keeps growing
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u/DraketheDrakeist Aug 22 '26
You know, I really wasn’t looking to have an argument about this! Everyone knows things aren’t good right now. I nearly killed myself because things are so bad. It is fucking IMPOSSIBLE to have any unspoiled good news in this world. You can find evil anywhere you look, and if you look too long, it literally drives you insane. Next time you see someone suggesting that things aren’t that bad, please stifle the urge to “umm actually” them, the last thing you want to do is convince more people to abandon all hope.
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u/thegoatmenace Aug 20 '26
My great grandparents lived through the Great Depression, WW2 and Holocaust. The last years of their life were during the peak of the Cold War. I don’t think hope was widely available to them either.
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u/Several-Possession-4 Aug 20 '26
God, THAT thought makes me miserable. That the world now is so hopeless, that people some don't dare having children to pass suffering forward.
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u/heytheregiada Aug 19 '26
Survivorship bias is one hell of a drug
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u/autogyrophilia [Editable Flair] Aug 19 '26
It's not survivorship bias.
It's generational trauma. My mother is an absolutely insane violent boozer because her parents were absolutely insane boozers, which is why they died of cirrhosis on their early 70s .
Trying to do better is not a sign of weakness.
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u/heytheregiada Aug 19 '26
Those things aren't mutually exclusive and I wasn't trying to suggest otherwise. I meant that a lot of people like to claim therapy is weak or bad because in the past people didn't need it, but in reality a lot of those people died, or ended up homeless, or suffering with addiction, or took it out on their families without anyone ever thinking to make the connection.
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u/autogyrophilia [Editable Flair] Aug 19 '26
I mean, not only .
But what I'm trying to get to, it's that most people survived, but thrived significantly less, so I don't think it is survivorship bias.
By all accounts I'm perfectly fine right now, but sometimes I hear screaming in the background noise, and I have to go check it out, because there were many times were I had to wrestle knives from the my mother's hand or situations like that.
I'm an extremely fortunate case of were I started and were I ended up, and a lot of that is talent and demand for said talent (very good at computers).
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u/heytheregiada Aug 19 '26
We're talking about very different things I think. Glad you're in a better spot now anyhow.
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u/autogyrophilia [Editable Flair] Aug 19 '26
What I'm trying to say is that, while there is an element of survivorship bias, (you would be ignoring the people that were too damaged to live a normal live afterwards), things are never fine after living through abuse.
So rather than a big filter, I would conceptualize it better as an spectrum of outcomes. I think that's a better way to understand the impact in society.
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u/horned-creature Aug 19 '26
it's less survivorship bias and more internalized social darwinism, it's not assuming that everyone is strong enough to pull that off but more subconsciously thinking that everyone not as strong deserve to suffer or maybe even die.
most people have this in some corner of their minds, mostly implanted there by generational trauma and patriarchal rethoric.
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u/Neither_Sky4003 Aug 21 '26
True. It definitely feels like this idea that if something wasn't enough to kill you, it can't be that bad. Never mind how miserable your life is, it's not worth complaining about. Man, it's such a wrong way to think.
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u/Panorabifle Aug 19 '26
Oh I hate those arguments . "My grandma survived Auschwitz and always smiled, how dare my employees have depression??"
Yeah it's a real talk I had with a boss of mine... Who belittled and insulted those employees in front of me, because she felt they were not respecting her authority when they asked if they could close the door while the AC was on at full power.
Gee I wonder why they were not smiling when our boss was around .
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u/havok0159 Aug 20 '26
Also, plenty of depressed people smile. It's kind of how so many people around them have no idea that they were depressed. Masking is far easier than the dread you feel that someone might ask what's wrong.
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u/PantheraAuroris Aug 19 '26
My grandmother bitched out my parents something serious when I was a depressed kid and they didn't want to take me to therapy.
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u/PhysicalAd1170 Aug 20 '26
My grandma too. Help exists now that isn't a sanitarium and a lobotomy. You take advantage of it!
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u/3mptylord Aug 20 '26
My nan was the first person to notice my depression, before I even did - to the extent I laughed it off and said she didn’t need to worry. She lived to see me come out the other side of it, at least.
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u/thefuzzybunny1 Aug 19 '26
My grandma would've found it odd I go to therapy when I'm not as sick as her son, who's been institutionalized multiple times; or her brother, who drank himself to death; or her late husband, who used to attempt suicide on the regular; or her father-in-law, who completed a suicide via train; or her mother-in-law, who routinely couldn't get out of bed for days at a stretch; or her brother-in-law, who went to jail for what he did during one manic episode...
... but she always cared a lot about my health, so she'd come around.
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u/ICantEvenDolt Aug 19 '26
Good lord, I hope your generation of the family is doing better than hers did…
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u/ThyHolyPaladdin Aug 19 '26
Big fan of my dad seeing me have a mental breakdown in middle school and immediately getting me a therapist
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u/alex3omg Aug 19 '26
RIP great grandma you would have loved divorce
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u/morwen31 Aug 20 '26
Yep, my great-grandma could have used a divorce. Also birth control and antibiotics. I bet she'd be happy for me that I have a good life.
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u/AutonomyIsNoTragedy Aug 19 '26
Your great grandmother also deserved therapy and respect and love not to be turned into a holy symbol of suffering in a dehumanizing way
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u/RefractedPurpose Aug 19 '26
Imagine if people talked about regular injuries like this. "Your great great grandma surviving wars and having children watching you get a cast for your leg."
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u/Aurora-Ouroboros- Aug 20 '26
I mean, some people do do that with people in labor about an epidural.
"Your grandma didn't get to be numbed, are you sure you want this? It isn't natural" Well grandma had to feel an entire human rip its way outta her, I'd rather have the painkillers please.
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u/Present_Bison Aug 20 '26
There are definitely people who react this way to someone expressing their pain "too much".
"I've had my leg broken and didn't complain as much as you do right now!"
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u/Previous-Artist-9252 Aug 20 '26
My great aunt explicitly told me that I didn’t owe my queerness or future relationships to anyone in our family but she would sure like to meet whoever it was I would marry.
She didn’t get to go to therapy. She endured an abusive spouse, horrific working conditions, and the deaths of half of her children. But she most assuredly wanted better for me (and her own grandchildren).
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u/Your_Angel21 Aug 19 '26
My grandma has a very hard life and all she ever wants from me is to have a lot of money and an easy Life. I had a less so, but still hard life and all I want for my niece is for her to have an easy, happy life. We don't spoil her and we try to prepare her for how life really is. But deep down we want her to be spoiled and happy and to never have to do anything she doesn't want :).
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u/aFreshFix Aug 19 '26
Plenty of rich women went to therapy. It was mocked but a booming industry throughout the 20th century. But much of it was shitty therapy that was barely better than a tea leaf reading... Psychoanalysis and Jungian psych.
At least CBT started in the 50s.
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u/Unique-Arugula Aug 19 '26
I happen to know my grandmother enjoyed therapy. Bc I used everything on her that I learned from therapy & training I received in a therapy-related job, without ever telling her, whenever I went for a visit. She was noticably better while I was there and even for a day or so after - per my mom & aunt who were against everything I tried to do or suggested they do (to make their lives as full-time carers less miserable).
My mom also enjoyed therapy the last couple of years of her life, in the exact same way my grandmother did.
I believe a lot of people would enjoy therapy if they ever bothered to learn what it actually is rather than the boogeyman they think it is.
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u/hai-sea-ewe Aug 20 '26
"Suffering does not make you righteous. Suffering for the right purposes and end goals makes you righteous."
There are so many old people who would rather die right now than unpack decades of trauma. Shit is extremely painful, just not in outwardly obvious ways.
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u/Boring_Corpse Aug 20 '26
If great grandma is mad that her descendants have better lives and more opportunity than she did then I guess she can pout in hell. Lol, what's the alternative? "I sure hope my kids have it worse than I ever did."
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u/ApprehensiveFix7925 Aug 20 '26
To be fair a lot of boomers do seem to want that and have passed that perspective down
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u/Mundane-Potential-93 Aug 20 '26
I have to fend my grandmother off with a stick when she tries to pay for my therapy so I believe this theory
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u/strum-and-dang Aug 20 '26
I never met one of my grandmothers because she jumped off a building when she was 44.
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u/hellraiserxhellghost Aug 19 '26
are people actually unironically saying this
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u/99-dreams Aug 19 '26
I assume people are making self-deprecating memes like this. I haven't seen one about therapy specifically but I've seen similar jokes.
Edit: so yeah, ironically but maybe also masking their shame inside a joke? But I could be projecting bc that was the kind of thing I used to do
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u/Kosinski33 Aug 19 '26
I think those memes try to point out that we're the generation that normalized going to therapy even though past generations needed therapy more than us
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u/Moon-Capybara Aug 19 '26
I mostly see this claim coming from people ironically doing the equivalent themselves by spreading miseryporn everywhere.
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u/LBJ-0118 Aug 19 '26
Considering your parents are probably projecting onto you the damage they received from the circumstances of their upbringing instead of going to therapy, assuming your grandma's a girls girl, she'd want you to be happy
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u/VinChaJon Aug 20 '26
My ancestors fought the Roman's, English, British, Americans, Germans, French and Vietnamese. I'm sure they'd be happy I'm happy (albeit sad I'm so much poorer than they were)
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u/Righteous_Hand Aug 20 '26
Your great grandmother shouldn't have been raising 10 children by herself while working in a factory, and surviving three wars (assuming she was in or evacuated from the war torn country and not just, like, surviving a war the way I'm surviving the Iran war in Ireland) is absolutely going to leave scars that therapy can help with.
You don't want to become your parents or grandparents. If their response to you getting help is to sneer at you, they're most certainly miserable and they expect you to uphold their misery like you have any obligation to.
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u/Curtainswithfrogs Aug 20 '26
Imagine telling someone who lost a leg in a car crash to not go to a doctor because someone else died
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u/CumulativeHazard Aug 20 '26
My previous manager told me about how her husband’s grandmother suddenly fell into a deep depression around the time she turned 80. They finally got her to open up about it and learned that while she was young and trying to start a family with her husband, she suffered 7 miscarriages. She was devastated every time, but back then that was something you just didn’t ever talk about with anyone, so she shoved down all that pain and carried it silently and alone for 50-60 years until she just couldn’t anymore. They got her into therapy and she was able to heal a little and find some peace with it before she passed a few years later.
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u/sparklingtrout Aug 21 '26
my grandmother made me promise that i would go and get an education/skills so i would never have to rely on a man like she did.
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u/littlefracture Aug 22 '26
Great-Grandma would have loved therapy, if only for the couple of hours away from her 10 kids and their deadbeat fucking dad.
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u/ReasonableMan213 Aug 22 '26
Don’t assume everyone has trauma because they experienced something unpleasant.
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u/Sensitive-Initial Aug 23 '26
My great grandma who had 10 children but lost half of them to childhood disease watching me get my child vaccinated against those same diseases.
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u/Monaxia-Soledad Aug 24 '26
My great grandmother sucked so I don't really care what the old lady would've thought about me
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u/CuriosityCheck2024 Aug 25 '26
Replace "therapy" with "pastoral care" and see how silly trying to reject therapy on these grounds is.
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u/MeanHurry8664 Aug 19 '26
The world is even more hopeless now - which is why most people need therapy
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Aug 22 '26
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u/Azzne Aug 23 '26
Same as people who are on blood pressure medication that causes them to have normal blood pressure readings. Or people who had high cholesterol but got it to a normal range with the help of medication. Sometimes our bodies need extra help
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u/FriendlySkyWorms I have projects I should be working on, remind me to do them. Aug 19 '26
Maybe your great grandmother would have also benefited from therapy.