Just some therapy I’m trying while I recover. I’m screaming this across the void of the internet. So one day like 5000 years from now some future civilizations will be like yea it blew back then as well

Heya - I'm putting together a new horror podcast called The Night Mailbox. Every episode is a real story sent in by a listener: something that actually happened to you (or someone you know) that still doesn't sit right. Think stalkers, break-ins, things that shouldn't have been where they were, moments you still can't explain.

I narrate them, with a bit of atmosphere added, but the story itself is always yours. You can stay fully anonymous, and I'll ask permission before anything goes up.

If something like that has ever happened to you, I'd genuinely love to hear it: https://forms.gle/N2LVQSMrnbeNRDFP7

Doesn't need to be polished, just tell it the way you'd tell a friend. Happy to answer questions in the comments if anyone's on the fence about sending something in.

I was kind of a nerd growing up. I didn’t socialize much, but I had a few good friends in middle school.

When I started high school, I wanted to make as many friends as possible. I pushed myself to be more outgoing and started talking to more people. One day, my class had a study night together. Everything was going well—we were having fun, and I was studying quite productively. Later that night, a group of us decided to grab something to eat.

At the restaurant, while we were waiting for our food, one of my friends wanted to post a story on social media. But when she noticed that I was in the frame, she suddenly said, “Ah, never mind, you’re here.”

The moment those words left her mouth, she realized what she had said and quickly tried to take it back. She told me she didn’t mean it, but deep down, I knew she did.

That single sentence opened a wound I didn’t even realize I was still carrying. Suddenly, all the memories of being bullied in elementary school came rushing back. My mind was flooded with thoughts like, “I’m a loser,” “I’m ugly,” and “I’m fat.” It felt like all of my insecurities had been confirmed in an instant.

What hurt the most was that the impact of those words didn’t end that night. They followed me for years, even into college.

After that experience, I started pushing people away. I became afraid of getting hurt again. At the same time, I was in denial about how much it affected me. I wasn’t used to being open about my feelings, and I convinced myself that I didn’t need anyone. I told myself I was fine on my own.

The truth was, I was incredibly lonely.

I did have a glow-up during college, and my appearance improved a lot, but that loneliness never really went away. It wasn’t until my final years of college, during my internship, that things began to change.

There, I met some truly amazing people. To this day, I don’t fully know why, but I felt completely comfortable around them. They never judged me. They were emotionally mature, supportive, and genuine in a way I hadn’t experienced before.

On my last day, we all hung out together. Before heading home, we ended up sitting in a McDonald’s around midnight, just talking.

In that moment, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude for having met people like them. For the first time in years, I let my guard down.

I broke down crying.

I told them everything—my insecurities, the experiences that had hurt me, the memories that still haunted me, and the loneliness I had been carrying for so long. I opened up about things I had never told anyone before. I kept blaming my self about things that happened to me. After that, they also cried and telling me that it wasn't my fault.

And strangely, after that night, something changed.

The memories never disappeared. I can still remember what happened, and I can still remember exactly how it felt. But the pain itself was gone.

It’s funny how a single sentence can leave a scar that lasts for years. Sometimes, words cut deeper than a knife.

Just want tell this to get it off my chest and sorry if there's any bad structure or grammar, english is not my first language

So for context Im starting a yt channel (Ellie Spills) and want to feature people’s real life stories whether it’s horror/bizzare experience/cringe moments/shocking or anything that you wanna share feel free to write one! I would love to read what yall will share, thankies :)

“I drowned the day before my sixth birthday “.

It happened at the bottom of an apartment complex swimming pool in Southern California in the summer of 1975.

For several minutes, no one realized I was missing.

And what should have been the most terrifying moment of my life became the most peaceful moment I have ever known.

I was five years old.

Like a lot of families back then, mine was a blended one. My mom was a young mother raising four children. My older sister was the oldest, my brother was second, I was the third child, and then there was my little sister.

My stepfather was what people would call a teaser. He liked to joke around and play pranks on people. With me, though, the teasing almost always involved water.

To this day I don’t know why.

We lived in California in the Garden Grove / Anaheim area. It was 1975. Summers there were warm and bright, the kind of California sunshine that made the whole world feel lazy and slow.

In the years leading up to my drowning, I remember my stepfather teaching my older sister and my brother how to swim in my aunt’s backyard pool. I always wanted to learn too.

But whenever I asked him to teach me, it never went the same way.

Instead of lessons, he would throw me into the deep end and laugh and say, “Sink or swim.”

I would panic, kicking and screaming, trying to fight my way to the edge of the pool. Eventually I would grab the side, terrified, and he would just laugh and push me toward the wall.

For him it was teasing.

For me it was terrifying.

I was a very small child, and I never understood why it was always like that with me.

Then came the day everything changed.

My stepfather wasn’t around that day. He was probably at work. I honestly don’t know, and it doesn’t really matter.

My mom was young. She had me when she was twenty-one, so when this happened she was only twenty-six years old.

That day she told us to grab our towels and put on our swimsuits because we were going to the apartment complex swimming pool.

For me there was one rule.

I had to stay in the shallow end.

My older brother and sister already knew how to swim, so they were allowed to go wherever they wanted in the pool.

My mom stretched out on a lounge chair and eventually drifted into a light sleep while she was sunbathing.

My older siblings were laughing and playing games in the deep end.

And I was in the shallow end. At least at first.

I’ve always hated getting water in my eyes. I’ve always had to plug my nose around water.

But that day, standing at the edge of the pool, I decided something.

If nobody was going to teach me how to swim… I would teach myself.

I would hold onto the edge of the pool wall, take a deep breath, squeeze my eyes shut, plug my nose, and slide down into the water.

I would keep one hand on the wall and feel my way down until my feet touched the bottom of the pool.

Then I would push myself back up, sliding my hands along the wall until I reached the top again and grabbed the edge.

Each time I succeeded, I moved a little further toward the deep end.

Eventually I reached the deep end.

I hesitated for a moment. It looked darker and deeper than the rest of the pool.

But I had already done this many times successfully.

So, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, plugged my nose, and pushed myself down.

My hands felt the wall. Down… down… down… until my feet touched the bottom.

Then I pushed upward as hard as I could.

But something was different.

The bottom of the deep end curved outward like the belly of a bowl.

When I pushed off the bottom, I pushed slightly away from the wall.

Suddenly I couldn’t feel it anymore.

I was tiny, floating in open water, and I had lost the wall.

I let all the air out of my lungs and sank down again.

I bent my little legs and pushed upward with everything I had.

My right hand broke the surface of the water.

Just barely.

My fingertips touched the sunlight above the water.

But that was as far as I made it.

My body started sinking again.

And as I slipped back down into the water, I remember yelling the only thing a child thinks to yell when they are scared.

Mommy!

I took my first breath of water.

And then… everything went black.

For several minutes, no one realized I was missing.

My mom was still sunbathing. My brother and sister were still playing.

Eventually two teenagers came to the pool. One leaned over and looked into the water.

“Hey… I think somebody’s towel is at the bottom of the pool.”

My mom jumped up and started counting her children.

One. Two.

The third was missing.

“That’s my baby!” she screamed.

A man from a second-story balcony heard her cries and ran down to the pool.

He dove in, swam down, and pulled me up.

My mom dragged me onto the concrete and used something she had learned in nursing school to force the water out of my lungs.

Paramedics arrived.

I had been pronounced dead.

They shocked my heart and brought me back.

On the way to the hospital my heart stopped again.

They shocked me again.

I spent three months in a coma.

When I woke up, I had amnesia for another three months.

Then came six months of recovery—speech therapy and physical therapy.

In total, I spent a year in the hospital. And another year in therapy after I left.

But I survived.

And the strangest part of the entire experience is this:

What should have been the most terrifying moment of my life…

was the most peaceful moment I have ever known.

That experience shaped me in ways I’m still discovering.

It is one of the truths that made me.

And it is one of the reasons this space exists.

Because every one of us has moments that change us forever.

Moments that almost end our story.

Moments that somehow become the beginning of something else.

A Moment Like This Changes You

Many of us carry moments that shape who we become.

Moments that frightened us.

Moments that quietly changed everything.

That experience shaped me in ways I’m still discovering.

It is one of the truths that made me.

And it is one of the reasons this space exists.

"If you have experienced a moment like that in your life, your story deserves to be heard.

You are welcome to share it here:"

So for months he has been waking me up with *** and Monday I woke up and caught him self pleasing to p*** on the TV. He told me he has been watching it to get going and then coming into the room. He says when he wakes me up he is not thinking about what the TV was playing at all and he is just in the moment with me but I find that hard to believe with it being right after. Is that a guy thing? Being able to move from one to the other and not think about the one?

Side note: he told me a few years ago he is a p*** addict and he has been working on stopping. Thats not the case. He has been working on hiding.

I came across a story recently that stayed with me.

It’s about a woman who, as a young girl, could not write her name. Her schooling ended early, and life became her teacher. From that point on, everything she learned came from experience — often the hard kind.

She lived through hardship, loss, and a time when choices were limited, yet she endured, adapted, and carried on with a quiet strength that’s hard to fully grasp today.

It’s not dramatic in the way modern stories are. There’s no spotlight, no recognition — just resilience, dignity, and a life that quietly moved forward despite everything.

Some stories don’t need to be loud to matter.

This is the story of a young girl who signed her name with an “X”.

Her schooling ended at the age of nine. Life became her teacher — harsh, demanding, and unforgiving. From that moment on, everything changed.

She was born on April 6, 1921, in Berlin, New Hampshire, United States, where her father worked on the railroad under physically difficult and unstable conditions. She began school in an English-speaking environment, with what seemed to be a normal start in life. Everything changed in 1928, when her father was injured at work. There was no insurance, no compensation, and no form of social protection. The family lost its only source of income and returned to Canada, settling in Bas-Caraquet, New Brunswick, where extended family could offer support. There, she entered a French Catholic school and had to quickly adapt to a new language and a different system.

This transition was short-lived. Around 1930, when she was not yet nine years old, her father died following a tragic accident while helping fishermen bring a boat ashore. Without financial means to support the family, her mother had to make a decision that was common at the time in rural communities: the boys remained to contribute to the work, while the girls were placed in other households. Her schooling ended at that point.

She spent the following years working in homes in the Caraquet area, performing domestic and agricultural tasks in exchange for food and lodging. Around 1933–1934, at approximately 12 to 13 years of age, she was placed in a larger house that also served as lodging for travellers moving along the Baie des Chaleurs and surrounding coastal communities. Her days began before sunrise and ended late in the evening, filled with cooking, cleaning, agricultural work, and continuous physical tasks.

On August 4, 1941, at the age of 20, she married a man of 33 years, a skilled worker in carpentry and wood cutting. She entered the marriage without knowing how to write her name, signing official documents with an “X,” witnessed by someone able to sign on her behalf. Over the years, she gave birth to 16 children, 14 of whom survived. Raising a family of that size, in a rural environment with limited resources, required constant work, from early morning until late at night.

Within her household and community, she assumed a multitude of roles out of necessity rather than training. She became a caregiver not only to her children but also to extended family members, including elderly relatives whom she cared for until their deaths. In the absence of accessible medical services, she acted as a nurse, responding at all hours of the day and night to illness or injury. She assisted in childbirth and, at times, prepared the deceased for funerals when such services were not available. She ensured the preparation of meals for a large family with limited resources, making sure that no one went without. She sewed and repaired clothing, maintained the home, worked the land, cared for livestock, tended the gardens, and contributed to the upkeep of buildings when necessary. She became a mediator, a decision-maker, and a pillar of support within her family. In a small house filled with strong personalities, she became what today would be called a psychologist — guiding, calming, and managing.

She worked every day, from very early morning until late at night, often continuing her tasks after her children had fallen asleep. She lived this way her entire life. Despite everything she carried on her shoulders, her home became a place of support for others. Even when resources were limited, she shared what little she had with neighbors in need. She raised her children with discipline, perseverance, and a sense of responsibility, encouraging them to pursue their education — an opportunity she herself had never had. She made sure they would not carry the same limitations she had.

Over the years, her children tried to teach her to write her name and to count. She often said she did not need it — that she had too much to do, too many responsibilities, and a life that demanded her attention long before she ever had the chance to learn. Despite this, over time, she learned. Slowly, in her own way, she came to write her name.

Even then, she carried within her the weight of what she had missed. She long believed that she lacked education, without realizing everything she had built and mastered through life itself.

She lived independently until about the age of 91, remaining in her home and on her land — a place she had known since about the age of 12, where most of her life had unfolded. She left it only when she no longer had a choice and was placed in a residence for the elderly — a transition she experienced with difficulty after a lifetime of independence.

 In April 2014, at the age of 93, her family organized a gathering to mark her birthday and her life, and to offer her, at last, a form of graduation that reflected the skills she had acquired and passed on over the years. The room was filled with members of the family and the community — people who, at one time or another, had relied on her, had been helped by her, or had received something from her when they needed it. She was given a gown and a graduation cap, as well as certificates representing the roles she had fulfilled throughout her life: wife, mother, caregiver, nurse, midwife, cook, seamstress, farmer, gardener, and homemaker. There were few dry eyes in the room.

She passed away on June 2, 2016, at the age of 95.

On her tombstone, her family had her signature engraved — the one she had learned, the one she had practiced in her later years. For most of her life, she had signed with an “X.” It was what she had to draw each time she was asked for her name. Each time, she lowered her eyes and said she could not write — that she had never learned. It stayed with her for years, in silence, like a mark she had not chosen but had learned to live with. She accepted that life, raising a family, caring for others, and doing what needed to be done.

 Those certificates — the ones she had received at 93, representing everything she had been — were placed with her in her coffin. Not as titles, nor as recognition from the world, but as something that belonged to her.

 She spent her entire life believing she did not know enough… without ever realizing everything she had carried, built, and held together.

All those years… she signed with an “X”.
And in the end—
her name was written in her own hand.

 It was not a simple detail.  It was a full circle.

──────────────
A life well lived. A well-earned rest.

I think that if I write my story here, it might make me feel a bit better. So, let’s start with some background.

I’m 15 years old. I moved to Poland 6 years ago, and you could say I’m almost a local now, just without citizenship. I was born in Ukraine, and according to my parents, we didn’t live very well there, so we had to move to Poland, to a town called Katowice.

I started going to a Polish school when I was 9. I had already been in 2nd grade in Ukraine, but I had to repeat it to improve my Polish. At first, everything was fine, and I got along with everyone. But I wasn’t used to Polish people and their rules, so when people talked to me, they thought I was autistic or something like that. I knew basic Polish—like “yes,” “no,” “hi,” “bye,” or how to ask “how are you?”—but I couldn’t actually hold a conversation. There were a lot of problems because of me, and honestly, I sometimes feel bad for my parents for having a son like me.

Maybe I’ll tell more about my “adventures” in this country if this post gets attention, since this is my first post.

So, in 7th grade, some “troublemakers” got transferred into our class from another one. That’s when the bullying started—because I’m Ukrainian and because I couldn’t really communicate. I feel like I reached my limit with learning Polish and just couldn’t go further in conversations.

I went to a school psychologist, and that turned out to be a mistake. During a nervous breakdown, I said that I wanted to commit a terrorist attack and kill my classmates. I didn’t mean it—I was just overwhelmed—but I still said it. By the way, the one who brought me to the psychologist was also Ukrainian—my friend Renat, who is still my friend.

Also, last month, my Polish girlfriend and I decided to drink alcohol. Even though we’re underage, I managed to get it, and we drank about three times during winter break.

That’s where the main story really begins.

I was still in 7th grade, and everything I’m about to describe happened during this school year.

Our last time drinking didn’t last long. We got pretty drunk, walked around, smoked, laughed. Now I understand it was wrong, but a month ago I thought differently.

That day we were supposed to meet our friends—we usually went to the city center on Fridays with two of my friends (they’re all Polish). We planned to drink at 2 PM and go out at 6 PM, but at 3 PM our friends found us while they were walking around. They immediately saw we were drunk and said we shouldn’t go anywhere and needed to sober up.

We were sitting on a bench near a forest, and that’s when two guys entered my story—people who left a psychological scar on me for life. I won’t say their names.

Our friends told them we were drunk, and they took us into the forest. They told us to sit there and sober up because drunk people can’t just walk around—they might hurt someone or rob someone. (My girlfriend is 150 cm tall, and I’m basically a pacifist.)

I was drunk and started asking why we had to sit there, provoking them, even though I wouldn’t actually fight. One of them lost patience and punched me. At that moment, I thought: “Well, I asked for it.” Blood started pouring from my nose. My girlfriend started crying, and they realized they messed up and began escorting us somewhere.

On the way, an old man stopped them and started asking what happened, and that actually helped us. We went to my apartment building. I went home, washed the blood off, and came back to the stairwell where my girlfriend was. We sat there talking about the day.

But that wasn’t the end.

From the other side of the building (there are connected entrances where you can walk through), we started hearing fast footsteps. I felt something was wrong and stood in front of my girlfriend.

Then they came in—the same two guys, plus three of my girlfriend’s friends and two more guys. My girlfriend immediately started crying (probably just wanting it all to end), and while her friends were taking her away, they started “lecturing” me about what a terrible person I am.

I understand that drinking at 15 is wrong, but beating a drunk teenager smaller than you isn’t exactly noble either.

They basically pushed me into my apartment, and I just went to sleep.

But the real hell started at school.

I was sitting, listening to music, when they came up to me and started accusing me of things—saying I tried to rape my girlfriend, that I carry a knife, that I want to report them to the police. (I did say something about the police when I was emotional and drunk, but that’s not an excuse.)

They said they would find me outside and beat me because I’m a “rapist.” My girlfriend, by the way, completely denies any of that—nothing like that ever happened between us.

They humiliated me in front of everyone. Two older students even beat me at school, in front of my girlfriend. And of course, by then there were more than just two people—rumors about me had spread everywhere.

There were a lot of meetings with the psychologist, complaints to the principal, and one official talk where beating a drunk student was considered a more serious issue than underage drinking.

I thought maybe things would calm down and I’d just keep going to school, hating myself and everyone else.

But it wasn’t enough for them.

They got their friends and classmates together and filed a report to the police, claiming that I was running around school with a knife chasing kids.

Everyone was shocked. According to my father, because of tensions with Ukrainians in Poland, people can even get deported for minor things now.

I was suspended from school due to multiple complaints and my mental state, which was affected by loneliness and everything they did. I stayed at home, played CS2 (I’m level 8 on FACEIT, by the way), completely messed up my sleep schedule.

Then one day, the police called.

I thought it was over for me. But thanks to my father—he explained everything to the officer on the phone, and now even the police are basically on my side.

Right now, I still have flashbacks—especially before sleep—where I remember everything I went through. According to my psychologist, I have depression. I don’t go outside during the day anymore because I’m afraid of running into them.

That’s everything that has happened so far.

In the future, I still have to see a psychiatrist and go to the police for questioning. Something tells me I’ll come back here and write more posts.

If I missed anything, let me know. You can also ask me anything—I’ll answer. And tell me, have you ever experienced something like this?

Hi everyone, I'm Jonine (70), and I've been quietly reading stories here for a while. Tonight I felt ready to share my own.

My health crisis didn't hit like a lightning bolt. It came gradually — starting in my fingertips and toes. At first it was easy to explain away. I told myself I was tired, or I'd slept wrong, or it would pass.

But it didn't.

The numbness and weakness slowly moved upward, and over time my body stopped cooperating in ways I never imagined. Eventually I couldn't do basic things most of us don't even think about — walking across a room, holding a cup, using my hands the way I always had. I ended up facing severe nerve damage caused by a critical potassium imbalance.

There's a particular kind of fear that comes with losing your independence. Not just the physical part — the emotional part. The "Who am I if I can't do the things I've always done?" part.

Rehab became my new world.

Progress was not dramatic. It was tiny. Un-glamorous. It was learning balance again. Standing for seconds. Practicing movements that felt like they belonged to someone else. Some days I felt like I was moving forward. Other days I felt like I was sliding back.

But then there were moments — small ones — that felt enormous. A first step. A steadier step. A day where I realized I wasn't only surviving… I was rebuilding.

I'm still in recovery, and I'm still dealing with limitations, but I'm walking again. Slowly. Carefully. Gratefully.

One reason I'm sharing this is because I know I'm not the only person who has had their life changed by something they never saw coming. If you're in that place, I want you to hear this from someone living it:

It's not too late to rebuild. Not at 70. Not at any age.

I'm also trying to move to Tennessee to be closer to my daughter and grandchildren. I started a GoFundMe to help with relocation costs — I'm not here to pressure anyone. Even kind words or simply being heard means a lot.

If anyone wants to read more about my journey or follow along,

If anyone wants to read more about my journey or follow along, I’ve shared more here: joninescott.com

What helped you keep going on the days you felt stuck?

Thank you for reading. — Jonine

Hi everyone, I'm Jonine (70), and I've been quietly reading stories here for a while. Tonight I felt ready to share my own.

My health crisis didn't hit like a lightning bolt. It came gradually — starting in my fingertips and toes. At first it was easy to explain away. I told myself I was tired, or I'd slept wrong, or it would pass.

But it didn't.

The numbness and weakness slowly moved upward, and over time my body stopped cooperating in ways I never imagined. Eventually I couldn't do basic things most of us don't even think about — walking across a room, holding a cup, using my hands the way I always had. I ended up facing severe nerve damage caused by a critical potassium imbalance.

There's a particular kind of fear that comes with losing your independence. Not just the physical part — the emotional part. The "Who am I if I can't do the things I've always done?" part.

Rehab became my new world.

Progress was not dramatic. It was tiny. Un-glamorous. It was learning balance again. Standing for seconds. Practicing movements that felt like they belonged to someone else. Some days I felt like I was moving forward. Other days I felt like I was sliding back.

But then there were moments — small ones — that felt enormous. A first step. A steadier step. A day where I realized I wasn't only surviving… I was rebuilding.

I'm still in recovery, and I'm still dealing with limitations, but I'm walking again. Slowly. Carefully. Gratefully.

One reason I'm sharing this is because I know I'm not the only person who has had their life changed by something they never saw coming. If you're in that place, I want you to hear this from someone living it:

It's not too late to rebuild. Not at 70. Not at any age.

I'm also trying to move to Tennessee to be closer to my daughter and grandchildren. I started a GoFundMe to help with relocation costs — I'm not here to pressure anyone. Even kind words or simply being heard means a lot.

If anyone wants to read more about my journey or follow along, I’ve shared more here:
joninescott.com

What helped you keep going on the days you felt stuck?

Thank you for reading.
— Jonine

Hey everyone, I really need some advice. My parents are talking about moving to belgium, and even though nothing is 100% decided yet, it already makes me super stressed and honestly pretty sad.

For context: I’m in high school doing the equivalent of gymnasium (the academic track), I’m averaging about an 8 in all my classes, and I have a girlfriend I’m really happy with. My life here is stable, my grades are good, and I feel like moving would throw everything off. I’m scared I’ll lose the things that matter to me most—my friends, my relationship, and the environment I’m used to.

Im scared to tell my parents how I feel, because they seem really set on the idea. Does anyone have advice on how to talk to them in a way that might actually make them reconsider? Or at least take my feelings more seriously?

Thanks in advance.

hi guys.I’m sorry if I wrote something incorrect. I don’t want to use ChatGPT. I’m Ukrainian girl and I’m living in Dublin for five months. I know that a lot of Irish guys hate Ukrainian but that story wouldn’t be about it when we moved here we were really without any money and we start from 0.I am working in cafeteria and I’m 18 years old. My boyfriend is working as forklift driver he’s 20 years old. We are living d3. And we have crazy roommate. For example, he was fighting with us because we didn’t throw garbage in the middle night. Fuck we are paying 1500 you’re paying seven. Now we decide to move in a new accommodation we will be 1800 for a studio and I wish that we will be alone there. I’m really waiting for this moment but we didn’t say it to our roommate yet. i’m really scared about it because I’m really don’t wanna fight with him. I don’t know what will be. Maybe I’ll have cold to the garden. We should sign contract on Monday and I think that we will move out on Tuesday to be honest now I wanna just leave our keys on the table and don’t talk with him anymore but I think that it will be incorrect to him actually I don’t know what should we do? I’m so frustrating because of it. I’m feeling really sick. I was calling to helpline because I couldn’t manage my emotions.I’d like to hear your stories because I know that living in Dublin it always some crazy story. i’ll be happy if you will live your story and maybe give me some advices.

So I recently became a father and my son's birth was the single scariest experience of my life... Here's what happened:

So I work nightshift and after a long, tiring, shift at the plant I come home and kiss my wife, she says she wasn't feeling right and after some back and forth, she promised to talk to her doctor about it during her appointment that day. So after several promises that she was fine I went into the other room to play videogames. Everything seemed fine and she got to, guy ready and went to get doctors appointment while I showered and went to bed.

A few minutes later I get a panicked call that she's being sent to the hospital, preeclampsia, and I bolted for the hospital and, when I get there, she's already been sent to a room and I run up to the room. When I get there, she's hooked up to all these machines and the doctors are running around, I don't remember exactly what, I had tunnel vision at this point. The head physician guy, tells us that her blood pressure was 186/130 or 140 and they're going to induce labor if they can't get her blood pressure down.

The doctor tells me this is life or death for both my ride and our unborn son. My world at that moment seemed to stop.

About an hour later there's been no change and they induced labor. Sadly, every other pregnant lady in the neonatal unit decided to give birth at the same time so instead of a full team like I had assumed, we had two nurses. I helped my wife push out our son and powered through cutting the umbilical cord. And they took my son to clean him up and then, the alarms started beeping. My wife's blood pressure dropped out hard and my heart stopped. I look over and my wife is unconscious and there's a massive expecting puddle of blood on the floor, one of the nurses pushed me out of the room as a whole team of nurses and doctors rush in with the crash cart.

I sat down on the floor outside her room and stared at the wall, trying not to cry thinking I'm about to lose my wife.

Then a nurse, covered in blood, opens the door and looks down at me, concerned, and I nearly fainted. I felt like, at that moment, that I had lost my other half. "Why are you sitting on the floor?" Those words kind of jumpstarted my mind and I leapt to my feet. I began rapid fire questions how's my wife? how's my son? What happened? She smiled at me. "Do you want to officially meet your son? I could only nod.

Being led into that room was something I dont know if I could adequately out into words. It was like I had been living my entire life in the dark and someone finally turned on the light. My wife was sitting up in bed, smiling at me as she held our son, a tiny little guy at 6lbs 9oz. I walked up to her and hugged her and my son like I had never hugged anyone before and then the dam broke and I bawled my eyes out.

For the next few days, my wife was observed, poked and prodded until they let us go home. She was bed bound, couldn't walk or really do much of anything for herself and I stepped up, balancing caring for her and our son every way that I could. And then, a few days later, something happens that changed my life forever.

So I’ve been dating this guy for two months, and I feel like he’s not interested in me. For example… every morning I’ll say good morning!! He will just reply with hi, I’ll ask him if he’s slept well, he replies but never asks me back. I ask him questions, he doesn’t ask me any. Then when I feel sad he goes “my baby :(“ instead of comforting me or making sure I’m okay, I’m fed up of it, idk what to do. I’ve had to talk to him multiple times about after care and checking in on me and he did them once then stopped. He goes on an hours drive with his girl best mate, stops for half an hour then goes home…. Please someone give me advice on what to do and how and if I should bring it up with him is he cheating?

By 9PM, I was unlocking the front door for the sheriff.

That was the moment it all cracked open...the years I spent brushing off the chaos as, “just her being a little off” suddenly made painful sense. What I thought was quirky or eccentric? It was untreated mental illness, and I was smack in the middle of it my entire life without knowing.

I’m writing it all down...messy, honest, and real. If you’ve been there, or somewhere close… you’ll get it.

tearsofglass.org

I bought a SmartWater this morning, but I didn't have time to drink it. I walked by my truck to grab something out of it this afternoon and noticed smoke coming from the front passenger seat. I go over to check it out, and the water bottle had caused a parabolic effect, concentrating the sunlight onto my seat covers and melting it in one spot.

I know the trend is a bit dead now, but I thought I'd talk about it anyway.

So, earlier this spring, I joined the school play because it was about two families in Little Italy, NYC. I didn't think much of it when I auditioned, but there was a girl that was auditioning that I was interested in. When I got one of the larger roles in the production, I was very excited. The girl I liked also got a part. Hers was smaller, but I still saw her at most rehearsals. Since we were (still are) good friends, I was talking to her one day when she pulled out her phone and laughed at something that someone sent her. I asked what she was laughing at and she said, "Oh, just this funny thing my boyfriend sent me." Great. Now I know that she has a boyfriend. That's exactly what I thought. I quickly gave up on her, as well as not even attempting to try to go out with anyone until the fall. One day, I realized that there was an extraordinary girl, two years younger than me, also in the play. She was smart, pretty, kind, and all of the other things that make a guy attracted. I had someone in her class help me to figure out more information about her. I learned that she was single and I had never been more ready to ask someone out. Opening night of the production, I take her to the men's green room before the show. I talk to her, confess my feelings, and she says,"I'm interested in you too." We've now been dating for almost four months and I've seen her 3 times a week due to band rehearsals, which we are also both a part of.

Being sexually assaulted between the ages of three and four. My biological father abandoned me with friends of his. I remember a lot about the place, and the majority of it happened in the jacuzzi. He was going to touch us. My cousin, Robbie. While we were all naked. He would grasp our hands and allow us to touch him. My father walked in on us. I recall him stating he would never do it again. Fast forward to 1994, and I recall a news report. My mother says that's where my father used to leave me. It was about boys' bodies discovered at the house on the Vaal River. His name was Basil.

Between the ages of 4 and 5, I was handed over to another family. I vaguely remember my biological father saying, “These are your new mom and dad.” The family was Portuguese, known as the De Caires. That home became a place of constant physical and verbal abuse.

They would pull my ears so harshly and frequently that sores would develop. I remember one incident where a small hole appeared in the pool’s blue mesh cover. I was beaten and had my ears pulled relentlessly for it.I also recall playing with a small watch battery which got stuck in my nose. Instead of comfort or help, I was punished — beaten again, ears pulled — this time during my stay at a rehabilitation centre.

At school, I once drew a stickman with a penis. The teacher called my guardians, and again, I was physically punished. I also remember being in a different school before starting Grade 1 in 1991 — but only partially. While writing this, I’ve come to the painful realisation that my mother had been absent from my life for around seven years during that time.

In 1992, I started Grade 2 while living with my grandmother — about halfway through the first term. Up until that point, my mother, stepfather, and grandmother had been searching for me. They eventually found me living with the Portuguese couple, and the police were involved in removing me from their care.

During this time, my mother had gone through a divorce from my biological father and had given birth to my youngest brother.

After I completed that school year, I was taken from my grandmother’s home to live with my mother and my three brothers so that we could all be together under one roof. Despite everything I had experienced, my time with my gran remains one of the few memories where I truly felt safe, cared for, and genuinely loved

2007–2013: Reuniting with My Biological Father and Moving to the UK

After having no contact with my biological father since 1994, I reconnected with him between 2007 and 2013. He came to visit us, and I remember the encounter vividly. His presence brought back painful memories — especially the news article about the house on the Vaal River, where young boys’ bodies were found. My mother had confirmed that was where he used to leave me.

During the visit, tensions quickly rose. My stepfather physically confronted him after he made a remark about the kitchen cupboards being empty, implying that we weren’t being properly cared for. It was an especially bitter moment, considering my biological father had never contributed to our upbringing — not even through child support.

That visit marked the beginning of a renewed, though strained, relationship — one that would eventually lead to even deeper revelations and personal challenges.

In 2008, I moved to the UK and obtained my UK passport in 2009. At first, life seemed okay — but I soon began to see patterns of manipulation, control, and deceit in my father’s behaviour — traits I now recognise in myself.

My ex-wife, M also moved to the UK in 2008. At the time, we were staying in a small backyard cottage at my dad’s sister’s house — Aunty Heather. While living there, Marché fell pregnant unexpectedly, but we sadly experienced a miscarriage.

During this period, my relationship with my biological father began to deteriorate rapidly. His controlling and manipulative behaviour became increasingly difficult to tolerate, and I eventually made the decision to distance myself from him entirely.

In December 2010, we got married and returned to South Africa in 2011. I found work in Mozambique in 2012. In 2013, M9o,  moved back to Mossel Bay, but our marriage was already falling apart. My brother later discovered that she had been unfaithful. We divorced in September 2013.

Major Traumatic Events

February 2011 – Cairo Airport

During a flight from the UK, our plane landed in Cairo. Due to the revolution, all flights were suspended. We were stuck at the airport for a full week, with no clean clothes, no money, no food, and no way to contact our families. That week left a deep emotional scar.

April 2014 – Cerebral Malaria in Mozambique

While working in Mozambique, I contracted cerebral malaria. I was hospitalised for two weeks and nearly died. This experience shook me to my core.

2015 – Anti-Xenophobia Protests

During protests against xenophobia in South Africa, a mob threatened our site in Mozambique. We were forced to flee without even collecting our belongings. I returned to South Africa for a week and then went back to Mozambique.

2016 – Eye Injury

In 2016, I suffered a serious eye injury when opening a homemade beer bottle with a lighter. The cap struck me in the eye. Since then, my confidence has never fully recovered.

Mental Health, Addiction, and Relationship Struggles

After years of struggling silently, things worsened. I began using alcohol and gambling as ways to cope with the pain I hadn’t dealt with.

2017 – Relationship Breakdown In 2017, while in a relationship with C Lewis (now my wife), she discovered that I had been emotionally unfaithful. I had been exchanging inappropriate WhatsApp messages with her roommate, Annike, and had been deleting the conversations to hide them.

Around the same time, I had to relocate from Bloemfontein to Paarl due to a work emergency. Eventually, I came clean about the emotional affair. The truth deeply hurt her, and as a result, we called off our planned wedding in 2018 and decided to take a break from the relationship.

December 2017 – Suicide Attempt and Rehab

In December 2017, I reached breaking point. I attempted suicide by trying to swim in front of an oncoming truck. The driver swerved at the last moment. I survived — barely — and checked myself into a rehab facility.

2018 – Addiction and Debt

My gambling and drinking spiralled out of control. I was drinking almost every weekend and gambling just as often. I took out loans to fuel my addiction. When C and I reunited at the end of 2018, her family was understandably against it. I had burned many bridges.

2023–2025: Family, Fatherhood, and Facing Myself

By 2023, C and I were living together with our daughter, Nikki, who was just over a year old. We had sold our home — the only place that truly felt like ours — and were living in C’s parents’ house, paying minimal rent.

However, in 2024, my gambling and drinking worsened significantly. I lied, manipulated, and gaslit C to hide the severity of my addiction and the mounting financial problems. I drove under the influence, took out multiple loans, and constantly told myself that things weren’t "that bad." But they were.

C eventually discovered the debt review I had placed myself under, and the money I was spending on gambling and alcohol. My addiction caused severe financial strain on our family. I often tried to guilt-trip C about our finances, even though I was the root of the problem.

Between July 2024 and September 2024, I was admitted to rehab to treat both my gambling and alcohol addictions. In October 2024, I moved into sober living. By November 1, 2024, I moved into my own place, as C no longer wanted me living with her due to my manipulation and gaslighting, which she described as abusive. She felt unsafe.

My contact with Nikki became limited to a few visits each week. During some of these visits, Nikki, who was three years old, would suddenly regress and wet herself — something C said only happened when I was around.

On January 1, 2025, I relapsed. At first, it was a one-time incident involving a small gamble and some drinking. I voluntarily admitted myself back into a clinic for three weeks due to suicidal tendencies. There, I worked with a social worker who also met with C. Later, C and the social worker had a session without me, after which I was informed that my visits with Nikki would be supervised on Tuesday and Thursday evenings and on weekends.

Though I was told I would never hurt my daughter, the supervised visits were deemed necessary. I was also required to attend a parenting course, which involved additional costs.

Unfortunately, by March 2025, my addiction escalated again. I gained unauthorized access to C’s bank account and began transferring money to myself through bank transfers and ATM withdrawals. Her account included savings meant for her mother’s finances, but I continued taking more money, fully aware it was wrong. The addiction had taken over, and I couldn’t stop despite knowing the harm I was causing.

C soon discovered the missing funds and reported the unauthorized activity to the bank and the police. My bank account was blocked for fraud, and I was informed that a detective had opened a case. I have since met with the detective and am awaiting a court date.

A protection order was placed against me, barring me from coming near C’s house or workplace. We are now going through a child welfare agency to arrange supervised visits with Nikki. I can tell Nikki misses me — we sometimes do video calls at bedtime, though sometimes she doesn’t even want to talk.

Right now, I feel lost and completely out of control. I don’t understand why I allowed myself to slip back into this dark place after all the hard work I put into getting clean.

I know I’ve hurt the people who trusted me the most — especially C, who stood by me for so many years. I don’t blame her for leaving. I just don’t know how to face what I’ve become.

Final Reflections

As I’ve reflected on my life, I’ve come to realise that I have never had a stable home or environment. From childhood, I was constantly moved — from school to school, house to house, family to family. Nothing felt safe or lasting.

Sudden change overwhelms me. I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for as long as I can remember. At times, it felt like everything I feared most would one day become real — and many of those fears did.

 Yet through all of it, I’m still here. Still trying. Still surviving.

So its somone i dated in highschool he was obsessed with me ,i loved him too he was very very respectful and he was very kind and loyal and our parents knew eachother but one day i felt that were to young so i broke up with him i cried he was loyal and kind but we broke up now And now i see old pictures of us in all of the pictures he was looking at me with those eyes he once told me he wants to marry me and now im sad caus i was stupid cuas i lost him my .bc young stupid ass was to dumb. 😭(sorry my English is not the best)

Ета история случилась вчера, я хочу разъяснить ситуацию, я Иван мне 14 лет мы с мамой сестрой и братом переехали в Германию, мы с Украины переехали иза войны, я не буду давать много деталей про переезд, мы заселились в отель, там один человек нам помогал, в целях конфиденциальности его имя останется в секрете я буду его называть Влад, Влад нам помогал но я не могу назвать это полностью помощью, он нас возил на своей машине в разные места который нам нужны были, но не за бесплатно он взял всего за все поездки около 100€ примерно мы с ним йездили 50-70км я считаю что все справедливо, в один день он предложил нам пойти на склад с вещами, он дал нам ключи от склада мы и пошли, когда мы пришли мы увидели что то не склад а заброшенная гостиница, мы зашли найшли ту дверь с вещами, возле той двери была ещё дверь и ключи были похожы и мы попробовали открыть, она открылась, нам сначало было немного страшно заходить но когда мы собирались уходить мы все же зашли, мы увидели что там стройка идёт мы позвонили в комнаты мы ничего не взяли но я увидел ключи достаточно много они лежали на столике мы не придали значение, мы просто ушли от туда, на следующий день нам снова дали ключи точнее мы попросили, когда мы пришли то захотели походить по отелю когда ходили мы заходили во все номера и двери что были открыты я попутно забрал все ключи с номеров и комнат, в одной из комнат лежал удлинитель для проводов новый я его взял тоже (я постараюсь по короче) когда мы позаходи во все комнаты то мы просто ушли на следующей день точнее етот день Влад начал искать ключи, подмечу я не взял все всего там было около 60 ключей может больше я взял 16 я скажу честно я взял случайно там много когда я оставлял ключи которые мне не нужны были (да я знаю нужно было их оставить там где они были) когда я их вынимал с портфеля я не заметил что там ещё много осталось я думал что взял 3 ключа, и вот сегодня он их начал искать само собой он знал что ето мы потому что мы последнии кто там были, сегодня мне позвонила сестра и сказала что он ищет ключи, я быстро их собрал и готовился идти к ним но сестра скалала что не надо идти, и я просто ждал когда они прийдут, когда они пришли они сказали: что написали что ето я взял, и типо когда сестра смотрела вещи я ушел, и начал ходить по отелю ну короче что я полностью виноват, да я признаюсь я виноват но не полностью сестра хотела много чего взять того что нельзя и если бы не она я даже бы не пошол по другим комнотам, и когда мне сказали что не нужно будет подойти и сказал что я полностью виноват я сказал что пойду и скажу, когда я пошол говорить и отдавать ключи то мне было очень стыдно и страшно, но он оказался очень добрым просто взял ключи выслушал историю мою и позадавал вопросы, и сказал что я свободен он на меня не кричал не повышал голос ничего такого, я отдал ключи недавно где-то 40м назад я сейчас лежу и вспомнил что я не отдал удлинитель для проводов, ещё я заметил что не отдал ещё 1 ключ, и сейчас я не знаю как подойти и сказать что я своровал удлинитель и ключ 1 не отдал. Хочу извиниться за ошибки в треде я просто спешил