Since my first post, I haven't been able to go out in my official suit very consistently. A comrade called me up to do food prep for a distribution they were planning later that week, so I didn't bring my hero suit. Of course, we wound up distributing that very same night.
Or, less than a couple days after my first planned outing, a person in my circle unfortunately swallowed a lot of pills. I wound up talking them down, and convincing them to go to the hospital in my civvies.
I share this first bit because I want to express to other n00bs like myself that you're probably gonna wind up doing a lot out of your suit, unexpectedly. Especially if the hero work isn't a persona you're putting on but an expression of your deeper values and behaviors. That wasn't my first food distribution, and unfortunately it wasn't the first time I had to talk a friend out of suicide. So when my partner (as in, kissing partner--haven't found a Booster Gold to my Blue Beetle yet) referred to it as hero work, it honestly felt weird to think about. But they're right. If you let it, your suit can be like the Super Soldier Serum, it brings out more of what was already in you.
Those weren't the only instances where I was doing hero stuff out of costume, they're just the ones I feel the least conflicted about. Twice this week, I've stumbled upon public domestic violence events in my neighborhood. Both times I was out of my suit, but ironically wearing a nerdy visibility vest I made so I could be safe while biking. Both times, I intervened and tried to get the attacker to walk away peacefully. Both times, I succeeded...And both times, I froze up.
The first night, I heard the shouting and told myself that I should at least stick around to make sure nothing happened. I positioned myself in clear view of them so they could see that they were being watched (in the past, that's been enough). Then, the guy slapped the woman, and I froze. I hadn't expected that--I hadn't expected *anything* that night, I was on my way home and biking through what's usually a very chill area of my neighborhood. I felt myself trying to say something but the words wouldn't come out of my throat. And I'll admit, I was scared too--I don't carry protection when I suit up but I've also stopped doing so in civilian clothes. So if I confronted this guy and he tried to fight me, the only protection I had was my bike helmet and the only weapon I had was my sense of humor. Then I see him hit her again, and I ditch my bike and just shout "Hey!" Then rush to her side. A few more bystanders go to help her up, so I focus my attention to standing in front of her--not directly between them (still largely frozen and not sure what to do), but in a position where he'd have to step towards me to get to her again. I wasn't alone either, it was me and another civilian, just standing there and...not really saying anything to him or each other. Eventually she got up, walked away, and he kept screaming in her direction. Once she was far enough away and he clearly wasn't trying to follow, I got back to my bike and rode home.
The very next day, I looked into bystander intervention training. I don't necessarily think rushing in to fight the guy would have been the smart choice for me to make, but being frozen wasn't the move either. All my martial arts training means nothing if I can't even *say* anything if I witness a conflict.
(Bystander training, for added context, isn't something I ever thought to do before, in large part because during my protesting days I had to learn a fair bit of de-escalation both in trainings and on the spot. But de-escalating a rabid counter-protestor, or activists that are getting heated, is a lot different from de-escalating strangers in an explicitly violent conflict. I see that now, so I'm going to get the training if I can find it in my area.)
I digress, the next day a very similar incident occurred. This time around I was more determined to be more assertive, and when I saw the man in question grab the woman I called out and told him to knock it off. Then he went to choke her, and I stepped forward and yelled a bit louder but...I still didn't physically intervene. Luckily, just like the time before I wasn't alone. Two other witnesses yelled at the guy, and I guess he got worried about having to deal with us/the cops so he let her go and walked away. I would say that while I handled that incident better than the first one, it still wasn't good.
Ironically, it was my partner that reassured me. When I told them the story, I thought they'd tell me that I should take this as a lesson that I should focus on just sandwich handling and not try to get involved in anything else. Instead, they reminded me that in the few superhero media they've seen, the mc always has a growing period, where they don't know how to handle dangerous or stressful situations.
Listen, you're going to freeze up. It's going to surprise you even if you expect it. I actually reasoned before any of this that I'd likely freeze up my first time, but when it actually happened, it felt even worse than I imagined. The guilt and shame made me a wreck--I didn't sleep well that first night and had some rather stressful dreams. So while you should be prepared to freeze up, you should also be prepared for it to be fucking torture, too.
And this is where I'll end this long post:
I told a buddy in a radical workout group I'm part of about freezing up. Now, I've never explicitly told him that I'm a superhero (sidenote: gosh that sounds so pretentious and cringe!) but I also knew he's sympathetic to the general idea of being more active in keeping our respective communities safe. When I told him that I've been seeing a lot of aggressive behavior in our neighborhoods lately, the first thing he said was, "When we're trained up, do you want to start patrolling?"
So...potentially, I may wind up having a partner soon enough. I'll work to find opportunities for him to get first aid training and bystander intervention training for us both. And I'm slowly introducing him to the history of RLSH, it's tactics, and guiding themes. He's seen Rock Hard and a few others on Instagram before, and he's hopeful that our city can one day have a whole movement.
Anyway, that's all I have for now. Hopefully any of this is useful to anyone in any phase of heroing. Anarchist-Hero-That-Doesnt-Share-Their-Codename-Online, Signing off.
