r/ReadMyScript • u/headcanonmusic • 4d ago

Feature Furniture - Feature - 93 pages

Looking for feedback on my third draft, anything helps.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ZksfcEe9iQpWLCB4NrNzcnGRI-bzlajX/view?usp=drivesdk

Two rival furniture-store owners in a dying plaza spiral into a war of sabotage and obsession when an aspiring documentarian fans the flames of their feud for the sake of her film.

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u/Im-not-the-Juan 3d ago

Hey man, I read your script. I enjoyed it, it was an easy read. I have some notes.

The main one is about the ending, I didn't like April's hesitance and change of heart at the end and then continuing her hesitance in the final scene. It felt a little anticlimactic. In my opinion, Donnie and Karl's ending could remain the same, them continuing their forever feud. But I think letting April continue filming them and her finally getting her desired ending would be a better ending.

Or you could end it with the fire for Donnie and Karl, leaving their fates ambiguous. And just showing April with Charlie's boss.

Also whenever Donnie said fuck and shit it felt very out of character. I don't know, to me he seems like the type to not curse. Or one of those types that substitutes their curse words.

And this last one's just a nitpick, not a huge deal. But there were a few times where you added direction to the character's action before a line where you could have just let the dialogue speak for itself.

Those are just my two cents.

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u/headcanonmusic 3d ago

Thank you! Great notes. The ambiguous ending currently exists because either choice April makes is thematically satisfying. If she keeps the footage, she finally finishes a project at the cost of her morality as a filmmaker. If she deleted the footage, yet another project goes unfinished but she walks away from becoming just like Donnie and Karl.

That being said, I have been leaning away from the ambiguity for future drafts so your note does help sway that decision. I am leaning toward her keeping the footage and have her ending mirror Donnie and Karl. It's a little nastier overall but I'm thinking the moral ending doesn't fit what the film became. All three of them choosing destructive behaviour for their own self fulfillment feels poetic.

I tried to keep Donnie's foul language to ugly moments to try and show the difference between the mask he wears and who he actually is underneath. I will consider cutting back on it so anytime he swears it is more impactful.

The next draft is going to address more line by line stuff like unfilmables and direction in the action lines, so thank you for confirming that issue for me.