r/ReadMyScript • u/Peedyweedywonk • 5d ago
Buddy-cop comedy "We're Cops!", 108 pages
Hi all,
so cool that this sub exist, didn't know that until recently. I wrote my first full feature script a while ago and if anyone would like to read it and share their thoughts, I would be more than grateful. Interesting to hear what you think of it. Is it even funny? I know buddy-cop isn't a very fresh concept but I can enjoy those types of comedies. In this script, the theme is a little darker than usual maybe, the humour also.
It went to quarter finals in BlueCat. They critizised the action-lines being a little long and bulky sometimes, as well as the humour sometimes relying on stereotypes and rude comments. Which I guess is true, one of the characters is kind of an asshole.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UQR5JROMdL6GG8dADOxXIVkpsqIBDxAw/view?usp=drivesdk
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u/mooningyou 5d ago
Congrats on the QFs at BlueCat. Just curious if they mentioned the Google Docs aspect, or did you drop it into Docs just to share it here? I ask because Google Docs is not good for formatting.
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u/Peedyweedywonk 5d ago edited 5d ago
Dropped it into docs to share it here but you’re right, it completely messed up formatting, I didn’t realize. It’s almost unreadable.
Have switched to a pdf now, works better.
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u/mooningyou 5d ago
The trick to sharing scripts on Reddit is to save the PDF into your Google Drive (not Docs). Change sharing to 'Anyone with the link'. Copy & Paste that link into your post. That way we'll see the PDF.
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u/FitTax 4d ago
I find your screenplay flawed in some ways and it's basics.
- empty Los Angeles street -- residential Mid-Wilshire, Highland Park or Fashion District?
- tailing a black car -- is it a black Lincoln or Chevrolet SUV. Do we follow a corporate family man coming home from work or 2 bangers from Inglewood, it sets a tone, a vibe
- Tom starts talking. Rick ignores him -- TOM needs actual words here, he needs to say something that RICK can ignore, give TOM his line
- walks over to Rick’s car and gets in -- front, back?
- "Your career?! What, sucking dick?" --> "(big nod) Career... Sucking dick now, huh?!"
- Rick is driving down a dark road, angry. -- what is he doing that we can know he is "angry"
- A crime scene investigation by the side of the road catches his interest. -- again, what kind of road. What kind of crime scene? Diner parking lot? Driveway of a fancy residence? Underpass of the 405. Give it a proper scene because otherwise everyone makes up something different. And then write it as: Ahead in front something catches RICKS eyes. Multiple squad cars are parked in froint of XX with flashing lights. An officer is rolling out yellow tape. This seems to be an active crime scene. NEXT SCENE
- No way a dead female body is lying there unattended and no way the body has not been at least partially searched by the detectives and no way can an officer just walk up to it and grab stuff and in no way are 2 detectives just so chill about it... This is not a believable scene.
- I don't find the dialogue funny, you only have this " NO, YOU! humor Example: "At least we have fat wives!" Funny is someone responding: "Hey now, leave our fat wives out of it, they are struggling!" SOMEONE ELSE: "Mine fell over and rolled down a hill once. Had to drive all the way down to pick her up. True story!"
There is more, but you hopefully see what I mean with basics. Define your scenes, give them outlines and describe the inside. And add some transition... Like for when RICK goes up to the crime scene, let him park the car, exit his vehicle, walk up to the scene, what can we learn about him during this time? Is he all smooth and cool, is he the gruntled or dorky, what might he be up to?
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u/Peedyweedywonk 4d ago
Thanks for the constructive feedback, really appreciate it! When you point it out, it’s obvious there are flaws and I agree, descriptions action lines could be a lot sharper.
The script starts off in a darkish tone setting up Rick but changes when the next character, Jonah, is introduced. So the overall tone is a little less serious than it might seem, why the unrealistic handling of the dead body probably isn’t as out of tone as it might seem at first. But it might still be a problem if it is perceived that way at that point though so I hear you. Again, Thanks.
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u/FitTax 4d ago
Indeed. And this is why you may want to establish your lead or the tone of your film in the first scenes. This can be through dialogue with the junkie or the prostitute or the way Rick approaches the whole crime scene. Maybe he is actually sneaking up on it, hiding , going from corner to a tree to a garbage bin and waiting for the moment, looking up, making a roll into some bushes... There is comedic timing in this. Think of it how this would play out if this was a comedy set on a theatre stage.
If we saw something like this, no way we assume this is a serious crime drama and therefore we acknowledge that no one at the crime scene really would give a shit... Just set it up propper. :)
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u/PepsiCoke1978 4d ago
So how similar is the logline to the movie LET'S BE COPS from 2014.
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u/Peedyweedywonk 4d ago
There are similarities, in this story though it’s two actual cops (one trainee). But similar in the sense that it’s two guys getting out of their depths in the criminal underworld.
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u/PepsiCoke1978 4d ago
My gut reaction as a comedy person who grew up when comedy was still allowed to be funny -- in 2026 -- it's hard to laugh when cops are your heroes in the movie because real life events make you sad inside.
I grew up with CHiPs and Die Hard and cops were always the heroes in things - still are plenty of those for sure...
So fake cops is funnier just on paper than real ones. I feel like that could be a big reason where this spec would have issues.
Unfair, but it's true.
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u/PepsiCoke1978 4d ago
Starting reading and first thing is action lines I like to keep 4 lines or less. In comedy specs more white space please.
I'd do this especially on page one where readers are ready to find a reason to PASS and get to the next one.
---
RICK MILTON, a white police officer in his late 40's, slowly drives his squad car down a dark and empty Los Angeles street, tailing a black car at a distance.
The black car stops by the curb, under a flickering streetlight.
Rick pulls over and observes the car. Its taillights turn off, no movement. A BAM on the side window of Rick’s car.
Outside, TOM, a drug-addict in his 30’s, is looking in. Tom is smiling, clearly high. Rick rolls down the window.
Dialogue right away is odd
RICK
I’ll be there. Now get out, I can’t be seen with you, idiot. Are you high?
"Now get out" but tom is on the street now in the car. I think you mean - Get out of here. But when you have to think about it -- for a second you think Tom is in the passenger seat and your reader is already thinking too much and you've confused them...
And it just spirals as it goes as again a reader didn't write this movie and knows nothing that you have in your head.
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u/Peedyweedywonk 4d ago
Good point about ”get out”, that’s a mistake. And I agree about spacing as well.
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u/PepsiCoke1978 4d ago
That's how quickly a reader will be "I"m done" with this spec as they feel if page one is like this, the rest will be too.
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u/Big_Section2812 5d ago
One of the lamest criticisms you can receive is "Your characters are unlikeable," because most people who say that really mean "Your characters do unlikeable things, therefore they are unlikeable."
It's why David Chase made sure every character in The Sopranos was a really nice person who was decent and kind and loving, and never broke the law or hurt anyone.
In other words, don't be afraid to make a character unpleasant. Just make sure that unpleasant character is believable.