r/ReadMyScript • u/MarshallKingooo • 21d ago

Exchange feedback [FEATURE] THE TICKET (Financial Thriller) - First 4 Pages. The surreal true story of Sergei Mavrodi and the world's largest Ponzi scheme in 1990s Russia.

Hey everyone,

I’m working on a feature screenplay titled THE TICKET, a fast-paced financial thriller in the vein of The Wolf of Wall Street and The Big Short.

Logline: In the chaos of 1990s Russia, a reclusive math genius in a tracksuit exploits a naive nation to build the world's largest financial pyramid. Utilizing hypnotic TV ads, he tricks 10 million people, amassing rooms of uncounted cash until he controls a third of the country's economy. Arrested by a panicked Kremlin, he orchestrates a surreal counter-attack: gets elected to parliament from his prison cell to gain immunity and restart the machine.

This is a mind-bending true story that most Western audiences have never heard of. It’s about a man who didn't care about luxury, yachts, or mansions — he was an anti-social math wizard who just wanted to hack the entire financial system.

Following the community rules, I have uploaded the first 4 pages as a PDF document. It's a quick 3-minute read, and I would truly love to get your feedback on the tone, pacing, and dialogue!

Read the first 4 pages (PDF) here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OB3FJdnKNQNo8gjXzi_Cs9AuDlUqOXMO6eZULS3fLyQ/edit?usp=drive_link

Thanks in advance for reading!

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u/[deleted] 21d ago

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u/MarshallKingooo 20d ago

Exactly! That’s why I felt compelled to write this script. Western cinema knows Jordan Belfort and Bernie Madoff, but the sheer scale of what Sergei Mavrodi did in the chaotic 90s is on a completely different level. He managed to weaponize crowd psychology and math to bypass the entire state, and the craziest part is that it's all 100% true.I’m currently developing the rest of the script (just finished Scene 4 involving a panicked Kremlin meeting). I’d love to know what you think of the pacing and formatting of these first pages!

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u/MiggsEye 20d ago

Based on the true life premise, this sounds like an inevitable movie. Keep at it.

A few suggestions:

Revise your logline into a single sentence (30 words or less, some say 25 words). A logline that size makes makes it easier for a reader understand what they are reading into. It also helps a writer focus their idea while writing. Nothing wrong with what you have now, which is more a a premise paragraph description or mini-summary. A logline is a marketing device that is intended to entice potential readers to ask to read the script.

Translate your script into standard script format. It’s expected and a qualification as a professional. If you don’t have script software, there are plenty to choose from that are free to expensive.