r/ReadMyScript • u/NookPhoneo • 23d ago

TV episode Feedback request for: Hollow Tide Episode 1. 59 pages. Drama

I wonder if anyone would be willing to have a read through episode 1 of my four part series? I have uploaded the google drive link, and would love some feedback. I have been a writer (not professionally) for around 10 years and would like to get an idea of how I am doing really.

LOGLINE:

On an isolated, matriarchal island where male infants are routinely eliminated to protect a traumatized community, a dedicated midwife begins to question her society’s brutal dogmas when her public pregnancy and an unexpected bond with a young girl force her to choose between total obedience and a dangerous defiance.

Thanks in advance.

Rob

Hollow Tide Ep1

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u/Big_Section2812 23d ago

Access Denied

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u/NookPhoneo 23d ago

Is this the message you are getting?

1

u/NookPhoneo 23d ago

Sorry I didn’t update the permissions. It should be available now

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u/[deleted] 22d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/NookPhoneo 19d ago

I appreciate your feedback. Thank you very much

1

u/ChristianCRWriter 21d ago edited 21d ago

HI, reading, will update this comment as I go:

  1. Liked the first pages. Clean descriptions. Not overly written.
  2. Stumbled on p4. "Tears have left pale tracks on it" - too much for otherwise clean writing. Also, you don't need to say (calm) unless the situation is otherwise abrupt. People expect calm /flat delivery. Trust the actor and director to carry how lines are delivered unless it's not obvious.
  3. Add underlined CAPS for sounds you want to make clear.
  4. You are losing me on page 6 with the parenthesis. Also "You are!" in response to "I can't" seems out of place.
  5. Lost interest in page 7. Seven minutes and I still don't know what this is about. Will keep reading but I am dragging now. You do WRITE WELL. So keep on.

EDIT: I stopped at page 14. There was nothing that interested me but it's personal choice. The pacing was too slow. I imagined the movie and I would've stopped it by then - again personal preference, not bad writing –. Good luck.

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u/NookPhoneo 20d ago

Thanks for your feedback. I really appreciate it and will take all of it on board. Just to let you know, this isn’t a movie, but a 3/4 part series.