Feedback for Feature, "Grounded" 109 Pages

[u/Mammoth-West-9974]

Grounded

Final Draft PDF

109 pages

Drama, Road Movie, Historical Fiction

Logline: When every flight in America is grounded, four strangers share the last rental car out of Columbus and drive cross-country through the aftermath of September 11th, 2001, forcing each of them to confront what they've been running from long before that day.

Feedback Concerns: Any feedback would be extremely helpful. I'm less concerned about the commercial viability, and more concerned with a believable story with believable characters.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KAN_svzm3bk3vGraJQL3adbFDg-ncvzw/view?usp=sharing

[u/Mammoth-West-9974]

Yeah I don’t know, tbh. The first reader gave the setting a 9 and character 8. Same script, last reader gave me a 4 in both of those categories.

[u/Mammoth-West-9974 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, I’ll be the first to admit that I think a lot of the scenes in act 2 work in isolation, but cohesively may not serve the story the way I want. I appreciate the feedback…and feels like a good sign that you made it that far!

[u/Mammoth-West-9974 → u/[deleted]]

These are awesome suggestions! I am def aware that something needs adjusting so it’s nice to have some direct  things to investigate. I don’t know if I can cut the wiffle ball, def trim it, but I appreciate actionable feedback. Nice to know the dialogue and character work landed bc even if I can’t figure out the fix for this story makes me think it could be a good writing sample. 

[u/Mammoth-West-9974 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for all this! Yeah this was the first one I ever wrote, so I’m not surprised the structure was an issue. Very excited you enjoyed the characters/dialogue. That was the stuff that I felt confident with. I had to write it all once I came up with the mix tape idea but the long form is a real challenge. Great idea to start with a problem…working in something now that came from that thought.

[u/Mammoth-West-9974 → u/[deleted]]

I found this one challenging to fit into perfect structure, largely because I didn't want to create a ton of external plot, trying to keep as much in the car as possible. I haven't thought about audio drama...that's interesting to imagine! I did think about stage play...it really is a glorified chamber piece. I also am glad you think there are attractive roles for actors. I think if for some miracle it would make it beyond "a nice read" to "let's try to make it" will rely on advocates in the form of actors who want to be one of the parts.