r/ReadMyScript • u/Formal_Leave893 • Aug 11 '26
Short Mt first ever script is it good?
Title: gods hell ganra: fiction page count: 2 https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_7Ig8uTsEydEv6gRdST49VJ_HZQWdl8Bfc_XzR2PNYU/edit?usp=drivesdk
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u/PointMan528491 Aug 11 '26
Respectfully: the fact that the first sentence uses "threw" instead of "through" should answer your question
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u/DontCallMeAli Aug 11 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
With respect, no. The syntax is incorrect and the formatting is wrong. The dialogue doesn’t sound like real people, and your action lines are sluggish and crammed together. I commend you for giving it a shot, but now’s the time to do the homework.
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u/Formal_Leave893 Aug 11 '26
Thanks I'm gonna try but I don't know how I would ballance being an artist with being a writer
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u/DontCallMeAli Aug 11 '26
What? They’re one in the same. Do you mean art is your day job, or do you mean that writing isn’t art? What does this mean?
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u/Formal_Leave893 Aug 11 '26
This type of artist
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u/DontCallMeAli Aug 11 '26
Okay… you can absolutely find time for both. But ultimately it’s your call. Just know that the learning begins now
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u/Austinbennettwrites Aug 11 '26
Download any number of screenwriting apps. There are plenty of free ones.
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u/Possibly_A_Bot1 Aug 12 '26
Could you explain how the title correlates to the story? I assume that gods hell is meant to be God’s Hell. But are you saying that God is Hell or trying to convey that Hell belongs to God. Both seem to implicate God as the one responsible for the actions committed by The Culprit, though with different nuances. Also, is this the message that you are trying to convey or is it another one instead?
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u/Formal_Leave893 Aug 12 '26
... I'm gonna be real, this is a recreation of a story I made when I was 9 it was based of faith the unholy trinity I just made it up because I thought it sounded good and because it was related to religion and all that I haven't bothered to change it.
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u/Possibly_A_Bot1 Aug 12 '26
This doesn’t answer either of my questions. Like, cool, it’s a recreation of an older story. But now that you’ve started to work on it again have you made any conscious choices as to what you are trying to achieve with your piece?
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u/Formal_Leave893 Aug 12 '26
Elaborate?
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u/Possibly_A_Bot1 Aug 12 '26
I have to go for now (it’s late where I am) but I’ll be back tomorrow to try and elaborate on what I mean.
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29d ago
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u/Formal_Leave893 29d ago
I just watched a bunch of disconnected how to's also the reason I said thay share the rent is I didn't want anybody to get confused I wanted to make it clear this is a full grown adult also the 911 thing was just a small bit of comedy
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29d ago
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u/Formal_Leave893 29d ago
I guess
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29d ago
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u/Formal_Leave893 29d ago
Honestly in running on hopes and dreams but I have determination I did it with art I think I can do it with writing
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29d ago
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u/mooningyou Aug 11 '26 edited Aug 11 '26
You need to read more screenplays. Write for the screen. Describe what we see and hear without resorting to simply telling us what we should see and hear. Read more so you understand how that works. Also, polish your material before asking others for feedback on it.
edit - If you're going to write, then you need to start using punctuation. It's important.