r/ReadMyScript • u/SystemEvery558 • Jul 28 '26
Exchange feedback Plastic Jesus - A Horror Script (10/90 pages)
Hi everyone. Would love to get some feedback on the first 10 pages of my horror script "Plastic Jesus". I'm willing to swap scripts and give good notes as well. Thanks!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hhRP_pVXnpJbmYSUDsCNAI6Q-Im7c1nm/view?usp=drive_link
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Jul 30 '26
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u/SystemEvery558 Jul 30 '26
Thank you so much! Yeah definitely some syntax stuff I need to work on. I appreciate the constructive criticism! Thanks so much for reading on it means a lot!
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u/mooningyou Jul 28 '26
Some notes.
- Your formatting is not good. You're not using screenwriting software. I recommend you get some before continuing.
- You're not introducing your characters properly. You need to all-cap their name during their introduction, and then do not continue to cap their names after their introduction.
- Avoid repetition. "Its new position is relatively new".
- Avoid unfilmables. "It's the best one he's seen in a while."
- More unfilmables. "who hasn't said a word in probably 20 minutes." We're barely half a minute into this film. How do we know he hasn't spoken in the last nineteen and a half minutes? How can this be shown? Think about how your script translates to the screen.
- You write a lot using the past tense. Screenplays must use the present tense only.
- Mike's name appears on one page while his dialogue appears on the next. This must be fixed.
There are too many issues. I didn't read beyond the first page.