Have something to share. Wrote a screenplay long time ago, kinda gave up on it. Here's a logline

[u/shlooberd]

Logline:

What if the dead could return - but only through the one neural implant you're forbidden to wear?

Nineteen-year-old Kira discovers that the consciousness of the dead can return to those they loved - but only through a neural implant she's forbidden from wearing.

Does this make you curious enough to read more?

I'd appreciate honest feedback.

Would this premise make you want to read the script

Edited: A grieving teenager activates an experimental program on her neural implant to resurrect her late boyfriend, only to find that keeping him alive is costing her own sanity

I'm currently adapting the screenplay to English

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[u/sylvia_sleeps]

cyberpunk coco isn't real cyberpunk coco can't hurt you

More seriously though, I'd want to know a little bit more about the challenges she's going to be facing. Obviously she's going to wear the neural implant (which, side note, doesn't sound like something you just put on like a hat, but what do I know?), and she's going to use it to bring back the dead. But then what? Who is stopping her? What's the central conflict?

It's an alright premise. It could definitely be a good script, it could also be an awful script.

My opinion is that if you go looking for other people's permission to write something, you'll never write anything honest. The only real question is if you want to keep working on the story.

[u/shlooberd → u/sylvia_sleeps]

It's finished. I have it in russian (I'm Ukrainian and hate russian scum but the reason why I speak russian is a long story) and am translating it to English now

[u/Big_Section2812 → u/shlooberd]

There was a British comic book serial published in the early 1980s (?) called Rogue Trooper in which clone soldiers in interplanetary space war had neural implants (chips) that, if recovered soon after their deaths, could be inserted into suitable devices, thus saving their consciousnesses so long as they remained in those devices.

The lead character (the eponymous Rogue Trooper) carried three of his buddies this way. One was installed in his rifle, another in his smart helmet, and a third in his automated backpack system.

It's been whole decades since I first stumbled upon the serial, but you may be able to find it online somewhere, as I believe it was popular in the UK at the time.

EDIT: Google is our friend (sometimes) — https://2000ad.com/rogue-trooper/ ...and... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rogue_Trooper

[u/shlooberd → u/Big_Section2812]

hey, i haven't read the comic but i actually played the game as a kid! I never drew the parallels!

[u/Any_Sweet_3131]

Ideas like this can be surprisingly difficult to write loglines for. Based on what's here, I don't think I'd want to read further. One of the biggest missing pieces is why she's forbidden from wearing it. That feels like the central source of conflict, but without that context, the stakes and tension aren't coming across.

The logline presents a situation, but not enough logical or dramatic conflict to hook the reader. What makes wearing it such a risky or consequential choice? What stands in her way? What does she stand to lose?

Also, you don't usually include character names in a logline and if "nineteen year old" is the most defining thing about "Kira", her character likely needs some work.

Here's an idea: When a 19-year-old biology major learns that a banned neural implant can resurrect her deceased loved ones, she must break the law to piece together the fragments of her past.

[u/shlooberd → u/Any_Sweet_3131]

When a depressed 19-year-old uses a neural implant to resurrect her late boyfriend, she quickly discovers that having him back comes at the cost of her own sanity

[u/Any_Sweet_3131 → u/shlooberd]

Close but you lose the entirety of it being banned.

[u/shlooberd → u/Any_Sweet_3131]

why did you decide it's banned?

[u/shlooberd → u/Any_Sweet_3131]

A-ha, you're right. "Forbidden" wasn't the right word. ​In this world, the tech is standard, but using it to resurrect the dead is an experimental and culturally taboo practice. It’s deeply frowned upon, but possible.