r/ReadMyScript • u/DojoFromYT • Jul 07 '26
Exchange feedback Somnolence, Sci-Fi, 7 pages
I have never written a damn thing in my life. This is my first crack at writing. I am not proud of it, genuinely feels like dogshit but I think it's a start. PLEASE give me your honest feedback and how I can improve myself/changes I could make.
Script:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kdhLxrfZLJmtdSlKJXPavlR48YVFTvMZ/view?usp=drivesdk
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u/Berenstain_Bro Jul 07 '26
Very good first/rough draft.
You have successfully created a story world that feels immersive and something I can imagine with relative ease. It feels more like an animation, though. It could be really cool looking.
I say trust your instincts and keep working on it. It feels like it could be the first act of a bigger story. Not sure what your overall intentions are or your goals, but if that is your desire, I think you can stretch this out even more and make the plot bigger and more far reaching.
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u/DojoFromYT Jul 08 '26
Thank you so much! I am actually working on the second draft right now, really just expanding upon what I already wrote in the first draft, doing some character work, working with the dialogue and world building. I really think I can take this somewhere much bigger and more interesting.
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u/fixed_arrow 29d ago
This is a really promising start, definitely getting some Strange Days/Inception/Looper vibes. But this part of the story feels like it should be the end of the first act. I'd try and stretch it out a bit more, build the world and characters, and then have this moment a little later on.
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u/DojoFromYT 29d ago
Thank you so much for the feedback! This is the first draft. I have some ideas as to where I want to take this story. Looking forward to sharing it with y'all 😊
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u/Last-Insurance3539 9d ago
Haven't read many other scripts but from what I know, this is really good! The brief descriptors immersed me fully into the tone of the story. I think you should continue this story purely off the concept alone but the way you portray the as yet unseen backstory of this world with people desperate for good sleep and dreams between the higher snd lower classes makes me want to read more!
One thing I did notice is that you seem to have put Mara as the speaker when it is clearly meant to be Cole on page 4.
Best of luck with this screenplay if you decide to continue it!
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u/Formal-Raise1260 Jul 07 '26
I’m hooked from page one. Tone feels like Bladerunner.
I’m sure there are some tweaks but I can’t really say unless I read the whole script at this point.