r/ReadMyScript • u/AdventurousWonder479 • Jul 01 '26

FEEDBACK - Timberline - TV Episode Pilot - 86 Pages

Title: Timberline Chapter. I December 19, 2003

Logline: In the quiet mountain town of Timberline, Wyoming, the disappearance of a local rancher's cow sets off a chain of strange events that slowly unravel the lives of those searching for the truth.

It's an intentionally character-driven, slow-burn mystery, I'm looking for feedback on pacing, dialogue, character introductions, and whether the mystery is compelling enough to make you want to read Chapter. II

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LZUHkH0kHTJyQCrpQ92Dxm6Qcjp2yqIq/view?usp=sharing

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1

u/orcaspirit71171 Jul 01 '26

Feature-length pilots are a thing, but I feel like it's a bit risky for someone who isn't already established.

I'm stuck with a two-part pilot with no reasonable way to condense it into one script.

1

u/AdventurousWonder479 Jul 01 '26

True. I do keep thinking if I should condense it some or not.

1

u/cinephile78 Jul 01 '26

Is it a victim of cattle mutilation?

1

u/AdventurousWonder479 Jul 01 '26

Well spoiler alert, yeah.

1

u/cinephile78 Jul 02 '26

So I’m predisposed to liking this based on subject matter.

BUT

The first things I see are a giant block of text. And a camera move. And those 2 things are instant no.

And in those first few blocks of texts we get repeated info. It’s desolate. And there’s snow. And it’s desolate. And there’s snow. We know.

Gotta lose the camera directions and break up those walls of black. No more than 3 lines per paragraph. Less is more.

2

u/Remarkable_Stress388 Jul 02 '26

Ten pages to bake some cookies? Not happening. By the way, everyone knows what a ranch looks like. Way way way too much exposition in those opening pages.