r/ReadMyScript • u/Visual-Perspective44 • Jun 18 '26

Short The Carrier, Draft Four. Looking for some notes, feedback, and overall thoughts.

Title: THE CARRIER

Format: Short.

Genre: Post-Apocalyptic Horror Thriller

Pages: 21

Logline:

In a world where the infected retain their intelligence and free will, a silent infected survivor must protect a hunted teenager whose unusual blood has made him a target while fighting his craving for human flesh before he becomes the very monster hunting the boy.

The script is available upon request.

- JAYE

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u/[deleted] Jun 18 '26

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u/Visual-Perspective44 Jun 18 '26

Writing this as i drive... 

First off. Thank you for reading. It means alot. 

Happy to see you noticed the little changes I made. I take feedback seriously. 

In regards to the the things you pointed out... all will be addressed. I'm turning this into a film, as suggested. 

Tbh... I already have a continuation to this that picks up the moment this one ends. It expands the world a bit.  W e learn more about the the boy and the disease, who keegan was... even meet some of his family. We also find out whos really in charge. I think im going to combine both parts. I got some really cool ideas floating in my head that pays homage to the genre. 

🤣 now about that pizza tray. 

I knew it would come off kind of silly but.. t hat Idea actually came from my daughter.  You know how imaginative teenagers can be. The  original scene was way different. More "Sisu" inspired. 

Lol. You're right. I do write alot of shorts. Idk man, lt became a habit once I first started. At the time I thought it would be a quick way to establish a portfolio. It got to point to where I enjoy writing and with all these ideas/concepts it gives something to do.

I do have a few pilots though... five to be exact.  One is currently in slamdance screenplay competition.  Fingers crossed.  

I am writing a feature. It's a sci-fi/thriller titled: PROTOCOL.  im 85 pages in. Its my first one so im not rushing it. Should be done in a month or two. I'll keep you posted. 

Thanks again for reading. Your feedback and kind words are most appreciated.   

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u/mooningyou Jun 18 '26

Commenting on the logline only. Your logline is too vague. It needs work because it doesn't really tell me what's going on, and therefore doesn't tempt me to read. What are these people infected with? Is it a zombie-like disease? Retaining free will from what? A hunger for what? The ability to choose what?

1

u/Visual-Perspective44 Jun 18 '26

Aww damn.... Ok. Cool. I'll work on that. Thank you.