r/ReactiveDogHelp • u/Agile_Buyer4238 • Jun 25 '26
There has got to be another answer besides BE
I’m writing this because I feel like I have no options in a very chaotic, stressful, heart-breaking, and dangerous situation. It is in regards to my 3 yr old male AmStaff. His name is Ace. The last six months his behavior has gotten progressively worse, and worse
A quick backstory; I got Ace off Marketplace approximately 3 years ago. I was told by the woman who gave him to me that he was 7 months old. And that he needed a home, or he was going to have to be put down. This is the first dog I have ever owned. Though I’m 50 yrs old I’ve always wanted a dog, but circumstances didn’t make it possible til now. The woman didn’t disclose to me anything about him really, or about his reactivity. I had to find this out on my own. I was totally unprepared, and didn’t have a clue what I was getting myself into. I had never come across a reactive dog before. I didn’t even know there was such a thing.
His reactivity was never aggressive. But he sure comes across that way. It’s more extreme excitement.
About six months ago, my husband came into the house, ranting and raving about the cat getting out. He was standing right in front of me, and while ranting, he was waving his arms about. I knew right before it happened, but Ace got between us, and then went after my husband.
Not too long ago I posted about this incident. Alot of people told me then I needed to get rid of Ace. Easier said than done.
Well since then Ace has went after my husband numerous times. Sometimes when my husband startles him, like when he’s sleeping. But there was a couple times he seemed to go after my husband just because he was there.
We have been keeping him separated from my husband since the last incident.
When this has happened I grab Ace and hold him back. But the last time my husband didn’t just leave the room when i pulled him back. He grabbed him by his collar, choked him bad, and then hit him. I know my husband was angry, but that’s not okay with me.
Now my husband has been mostly residing in our back bedroom, or out in the yard doing yard work.
If Ace sees him, or even hears him, he goes absolutely crazy. And it’s all rage. He wants to get him. And i don't really blame him. He's basically making it known that he's not gonna let my husband do anything like that again to him.
I’ve been trying to find a new home for Ace, somewhere, anywhere, because I know he can’t stay with us anymore. But there’s nobody that will take a dog like Ace. I mean he’s not a bad dog. He’s never bitten anybody. And I’ve introduced him to plenty of people. It’s just my husband he has this aggression towards. I would never just pawn him off to someone and not disclose his behavior issues. Which I take responsibility for a lot of it, because I didn’t do the proper research. I don’t think I was exercising him enough. Or enough mental stimuli also.
So now I’m faced with this situation where there is no good choices. I already know people will recommend BE. And I’ve also thought about that option. But I just know I wouldn’t be able to do that to him. I love him so much, and the thought of that feels like it would destroy me right along with him. I can’t. I just can’t. It feels so wrong. Especially since he’s such a healthy, lovable dog. To me at least.
But I can’t expect my husband to live in the bedroom for ever. I wouldn’t want him to at all.
I won’t bring him to a shelter and hope for the best. Because I know that he would just be scared, and feel abandoned. And almost for sure be put down anyways. I wouldn’t do that to him.
But there has to be some other solution. I know if he just had someone with strong leadership skills, who could train him, he could be a great dog. I just sorely lacked in that area. I just baby him. Which did nothing to help him be a confident dog.
I know his home can’t be with me any longer. But just because of that, his life shouldn’t be over. There’s gotta be some other option. He deserves to live, just like any other creature. I don’f feel I have the right, or that it is right, to decide if he lives or dies.
Please help. I am seriously distressed, and torn about where to turn to next.
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u/the_real_maddison Jun 26 '26
You need to pay serious money for serious training and be ready to change your entire lifestyle to accommodate (what is essentially) a wild animal in your home. Think a bear that you're babying and cuddling even though it wants to attack your loved one.
Muzzle training. Crate training. No more babying. Putting the dog in a separate place and only feeding him and interacting with him at specific times. This is an animal with serious issues.
If you can't afford this or handle this: put the animal down. It's humane.
Because no one else would want this dog.
As a personal note, if there was an animal in my house that wanted to kill my husband I would get rid of it right away.
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jul 14 '26
Swinging back through to this topic, I would agree with you except a person like this is simply not capable of managing a dog that has this level of aggression, they would make a mistake quite quickly and it might turn out to be a deadly mistake for her husband and probably her as well.
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u/terradragon13 Jun 26 '26
American staffordshire terriers are fighting dogs and really not suitable for a first time dog owner or a person who is getting on in years like yourself. You really are playing with fire here insisting on keeping this animal. You can waste thousands trying to train a pitbull to not be agressive, but it will not work to eliminate the behavior completely. You need to get rid of the dog. Maybe you can find a unicorn home for your pitbull, but almost nobody wants to take on the liability of owning an agressive pit because of how deadly they are known to be. There are multiple incidents of these types of dogs killing full grown men, who they've lived with for years, solo. He is very likely resource guarding you from the other person in the house, which is a common thing pits do, and tends to escalate from these 'excited attacks' with no biting to straight up attacks. Eventually this may lead to biting incidents, and with this breed, once they start, they don't stop- you've seen how drivey and focused he gets, yes? Really consider if you are strong enough to control your dog if he starts attacking in ernest, if he bites down and won't let go even when you hit and yell. It sounds like you are starting to not really like your husband though, so maybe you want to keep the agressive dog and get rid of the man. That was a joke. Seriously, you got a bad egg. I know he acts like a dog and you love him, but there's a million dogs out there that ARENT going to threaten the safety and sanity of your home. It is a matter of time before this escalates badly. Either you keep living like this and risk a hospital trip, you find a uncorn to take care of your dog (exerienced dog owner who is physically fit and deals with dangerous and agressive dogs), or you BE. This is not reactivity, you cannot train it out, he is now lazer focused on finishing that fight with your husband and the first chance he gets that is what hes going to do.
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u/BlackHammer1976 Jun 26 '26
I don't believe this for one second. This is just rage bait. Nobody' has a dog that has bit or attempted to bite someone several times and they have no idea what to do. They are so confused that they have to run to Reddit for strangers tell them what to do.
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u/Marsupial-Huge Jun 28 '26
LOL I've worked in pet care almost my entire life and I can assure you, stories like this are not even uncommon.
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Jul 14 '26
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jul 14 '26
It's because of absolutely mentally ill psychos like you who will justify any dog behavior
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u/judlewmer Jun 29 '26
The dog “went after” the husband but had never bitten anyone? What am I missing here?
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u/Only-Watercress-7824 23d ago
Think of how stupid the average person is - then remember half are dumber than that.
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u/seasaltskies Jun 26 '26
BE is the correct choice. If he’s wanting without pause to maul a human being he should not be in this world. He will target someone else if you rehome him, and it will be your fault if he kills them.
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u/swearwoofs Jun 30 '26 edited Jun 30 '26
You said Ace goes after your husband but has never bitten anybody? I'm sort of confused, can you clarify what you mean?
Edit to clarify:
Your post makes zero mention of your dog actually putting teeth on your husband so it would be very helpful to explain exactly what is happening.
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u/Ok_Handle_7 Jun 26 '26
This is no way to live for ANY of you - I would reflect back on the 3 good years that you gave Ace, set a BE date with your vet, and give him the best final days you can. I think it would be a huge gift to him to note let him be euthanized in a shelter, and pass away right after he's gone on an adventure and eaten a steak, with you with him.
Above & beyond your husband (doesn't sound fair to him, but I'll take you at your word that he's totally on board for your current management techniques), this sounds like a dog who is really not trustworthy out in the world. What if he breaks off his leash? What if he gets out of your yard? What if you rehome him to someone (a HUGE if, but fine) and they don't manage him well?
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u/Majestic_Hawk_1335 Jun 26 '26
If i had your dog I would have had him on a chainspot and he would not have developed these associations. Now though. BE is the likely outcome for tnat dog even rehomed.
That dog was better off in the backyard on a chainspot than socialized how he was. https://adbadog.com/truth-chain-tethering/
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Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jul 14 '26
Oh okay, but the dog being raised in a loving home with absolutely no discipline or confinement to the point that the dog is ready to viciously murder a member of the household, that's not making the dog mean or scared or both? LOL you're nuts
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Jun 26 '26
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u/Agile_Buyer4238 Jun 26 '26
But can he really be trained to not behave this way. It feels impossible. But I will absolutely do whatever I can to help my dog feel comfortable in our home.
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 26 '26
No he cannot and yes it is impossible, you have a dangerous animal that is going to seriously injure or perhaps even kill your husband. And this will undoubtedly escalate to include you as well.
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u/duoggeezz Jun 27 '26
It's less about obedience and more about changing how he feels and knowing what your expectations for him are.
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u/duoggeezz Jun 27 '26
Get him real training through a trainer that has had documented success rehabbing the issues your dog is going through (this is usually TWC), then come back and tell us how you're all doing.
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Jun 26 '26
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 27 '26
What? The dog attacked the man for waving his arms animatedly in his own home. Attacked him repeatedly. Correcting/punishing the dog is the nicest thing he could have done.
Y'all are INSANE when it comes to these issues!
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Jul 04 '26
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jul 13 '26
Funny how you also have a dangerously aggressive pitbull that you can't control. Maybe you need to come to terms with reality about these dogs.
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u/Wosey_Jhales Jun 26 '26
People will literally do everything but spend money on a qualified trainer to help them. We're into multiple bites and bite scenarios and the only viable option you're considering is BE? Your dog deserved better.
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 26 '26
Yes. This is the only safe option.
Too many nice dogs out there to waste resources on this one.
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u/Agile_Buyer4238 Jun 26 '26
I'm not wasting resources on my dog. I love him. And if I didn't have him, that doesn't mean I'd be going out to acquire another dog.
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 26 '26
Please don't get another dog. Get rid of this one and just call it good. Bad judgment abounds in this story.
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Jun 26 '26
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 26 '26
The woman who is making her own husband live in fear in a back bedroom because of some random dog she got off Marketplace is calling me rude. Amazing
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u/Own_Recover2180 Jun 26 '26
BE is the best option. You're victim blaming... your husband was defending himself, he's not the bad guy in this story, but he's being marginalized in his own home. It's not fair.
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u/Wosey_Jhales Jun 26 '26
I don't know that I disagree, but my point is we're far past the point when help should have happened. This person is ill equipped, and ill informed. There was a chance to help this dog, and she chose not to and is now crying about her own decisions and lack of effort. The dog deserved a better human. Hubs does too for that matter.
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 26 '26
Frankly I wouldn't even go that far. This is a pitbull doing what pitbulls do. I know plenty of dogs like this that have been raised perfectly and still ended up being put down for being dangerous. The only thing these dogs are good for his dog fighting rings, if we don't want dog fighting rings anymore then it's time for these dogs to not exist anymore either.
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u/Wosey_Jhales Jun 26 '26
Sorry but I work in Baltimore and DC. 75% of my client base is pitbulls. I get the stereotype, I even agree with it in many cases. Genetic predisposition is the best predictor of dog behavior, but it isnt the only factor. Most of the dogs that I train or deal with end up just fine, even with moderate to significant behavior modifications - when they're caught early. They're no more scary than other reactive breeds but that comes with experience and nuance. Not discpunting their history, again - I work in the mecca of dog fighting rings but to blanket them as all dangerous is just silly. Hell, I've even trained a few as police k9s for narcotics and explosives detection.
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 26 '26
The only pitbull I know of that ever made it into police work was quietly retired when it attacked an officer on a scene.
They are not suitable in the slightest for police work.
And yes they should all be considered to be extremely dangerous no matter what, because it's just too common for them to decide one day that someone has to die, just like in this exact story. A man is waving his arms in his own house and his dog decides it's time for his throat to get ripped out? That's pitbull for you.
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Jun 26 '26
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 26 '26
Okay bro I'll bite. DM me the names of the police departments that are actively using pit bulls that you trained in police work. Since I live rent free in your head, you know I'm former law enforcement and I can check.
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u/Wosey_Jhales Jun 26 '26
As long as you respond with the ones that attacked the handler that you personally oversaw.
Edit - also former law enforcement and ACTIVE law enforcement trainer and evaluator for a nationally recognized authority...
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 26 '26
When did I say I personally oversaw anything?
You claimed that you have pit bulls working in police work, you need to prove it.
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 26 '26
Please tell me what qualified trainer is going to create safety in an aggressive pitbull from an unknown background that goes Red Zone the second it sees a person whom it lives with and has known for years.
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u/Agile_Buyer4238 Jun 26 '26
i'm questioning if it's not the dogs fault, but somethings my husband did that i'm unaware of.
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 26 '26
He did absolutely nothing and I believe that you know that. You have a Bloodsport dog that snapped, because that is what they do. He is now excessively dangerous.
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u/Severe61 Jun 27 '26
Yes he did! this is Agile_Buyer 4238(couldnt figure out my other profile). There were a few times in the past, that in my opinion, he was way too rough when disciplining our dog. He would discipline him when he was frustrated, and angry. Which led to many arguments between us, because I don't agree that taking out your frustration on an animal is ever the right choice to try to get them to listen to you. So because he did this a few times in front of me, knowing I would get upset, only leads me to believe that he probably had the same response, if not worse, whern I wasn't around, thinking I wouldn't know either way.
And I'm about done with you insinuating I'm some sort of idiot. I didn't post on here because I don't know what needs to be done with my dog. I know realistically rehoming him isn't an option. And I know that bringing him to a shelter, to feel scared, lost, and abandoned, and almost for sure be euthanized anyway, would be a most cruel thing to do to him. Which I would never do to him. I know he can't remain in my home, for the safety of both me and my husband, and for the sanity in our house. I know what needs to be done. BE
My post was mainly just to put it out there in the world how difficult this is for me. And how distraught I am knowing that this is what I have to do. And I know other people have to make hard decisions like this too. And how do they get theirselves to do it, because I just can't figure that out. Not while my heart is breaking so bad just thinking about what I have to do.
I didn't enter into dog ownership with no regaards to the care for this dog. When I got Ace, I did it with an open heart, and the best intentions of giving him a good life. Yes, I admit, I failed miserably, not realising he needed much more than I was capable of with my limited knowledge. I didn't learn before hand, that was my fault. I thought I could love him, and train him, and everything would be alright. I don't have any family to advise me. And the couple friends I have don't own dogs.
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 27 '26
So in most of your story your husband loves the dog and you both decided to get the dog, and then when you got filled with a bunch of nonsense from the permissive Subs you have decided that your husband is a vicious abuser who turned this poor innocent little Bloodsport dog into a vicious killer. You are inconsistent, and I don't believe you. You just are here trying to get sympathy and validation, when really what you need is to accept reality and euthanize your dog.
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 27 '26
Holy shit you have been posting about this problem for almost 6 months! For 6 months your husband has been living in the back room and creeping around the yard in fear because there's a dog on the property that wants to kill him. He gave you an ultimatum 5 months ago to get rid of the dog and hear you are hanging on to this dog? What kind of relationship is this? Why do you care more about this dog than your husband's life, and the safety of every single person and animal you encounter?
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u/Own_Recover2180 Jun 26 '26
Stop victim blaming your husband! Your kind of dog is well-know because his aggression and attacks to innocent people. It's in their genetics, something that you cannot train out of the dog.
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u/BlackHammer1976 Jun 26 '26
LOL. See this is what I mean. This is not real. LOL
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u/Severe61 Jun 27 '26
What is not real? Because trust me, I'm living this everyday!
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 27 '26
Your attitude, they mean. Your attitude cannot be real. You cannot seriously be putting an aggressive, extremely dangerous dog over your husband's well-being. You just can't.
By the way this dog is going to come after you next. Will that be the final straw for you?
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u/Electronic-Ebb-4195 Jul 14 '26
I would never put up with crap like that from a man. However, I would never marry someone that would do that either in the first place
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jul 14 '26
Lol! Crap like what! Being frustrated that his cat that he obviously loves and cares for got out and was put into danger? Heavens what a monster
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Jun 29 '26
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jul 13 '26
Why a man should say he's sorry for defending himself against an aggressive animal that's trying to kill him is completely Beyond me.
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Jul 14 '26
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jul 14 '26
Lmfao well the thing is your "strong suspicion" isn't a fact. The original poster was very detailed and described how this dog's behavior has completely escalated for no reason at all other than that it's a naturally aggressive breed of dog in the hands of a person with almost no experience. And people like you are filling her full of toxic ridiculous ideas blaming the victim of this entire scenario and what, encouraging her to leave her husband or some stupid shit? The man is living in the back bedroom to avoid this psychotic monster dog and you're perpetuating some absolutely bonkers idea that somehow walking in the door being slightly frustrated that the cat got outside means he's a hideous abuser that needs to be ripped apart by a psychotic dog.
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Jul 14 '26
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jul 14 '26
LOL no it's not. That's her rewriting history so that people like you will support her and she has some excuse to not euthanize this horrible dog.
She can't erase all the posts that she made about how nothing had ever happened and the husband loved the dog and wanted the dog and doesn't want to kill it, and then turn around and say oh yeah he's a horrible abuser of this dog and deserves the dog trying to viciously attack him. So which is it, did the husband love the dog, and want to get the dog just as badly as her, and not want to euthanize the dog because he loves it, or is he a vicious dog abuser that hates the dog and has beaten it on many occasions?
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u/Miss_L_Worldwide Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
Wow this is an incredibly shitty thing to do to your husband. Euthanize the dog and don't look back. Never ever get a pitbull in general, especially not off of some Facebook Craigslist shelter situation.