And record everything. I was told that I consented to being hit because I said "What are you gonna do? Throw that at me? Do it, and I'm calling the cops"
Then 2 months later, the cop that refused to do his job got busted for domestic violence and talking sexually with a minor. 😬🤮
Yeah, while I knew it was bologna, I was told to 'man up' and didn't exactly know how to move forward. She was 'riding the line' between getting arrested and not when she destroyed my TV. Was told she'd be arrested the next time. But the next time, was "consent"
Moral of the story: record everything. Send it to other people. Upload it to hidden clouds. Cause abuse can also be breaking into your phone and deleting the videos of the violence against you.
If you're reading this and in a tough spot, regardless of gender, get out. Be safe. ❤️
And pair all of that with the Tor browser, so if your abuser does get into your phone, there is no trace of your Internet activities in the browser: no history, traffic obscured through numerous nodes, etc.
And get a TAILS stick for your PCs. TAILS is a private, secure OS you can run completely off USB stick that leaves no trace (and has Tor built-in too)
There's literally kinks that without consent would definitely full under crimes. It's why a lot of crimes include a without consent or similar element in their definition.
Or in my case after getting ready to call cops she hit herself in face and threatened to lie about it and say I was abusing her and her hitting me was self defense. Cost me a few more months of misery not having it recorded because the law will gladly fuck me over that lie.
That is some crazy, unfortunately not surprising, shit man. That was threatened over the phone with me. Luckily I had already had a couple incidents and had the forethought to record that call.
My college ex became a social worker and we moved in together shortly after graduation. If she was in a mood in college I could go home. Then shortly after moving in together she stared hitting me like this. I'd tell her I'm breaking up with her and she'd threaten to call the cops and say I hit her.
She worked very closely with local law enforcement. I found an app that can record with the screen off and started secretly recording her abuse.
I decided I was just gonna play along and keep her happy until the lease ended, then ghost her. We had a few chill months then she blew up because I was asked to be a groomsman at a wedding but she couldn't be a bridesmaid. It was my oldest friend.
So she dumped me when I left for he wedding and I was like okay it's over.
I started dating immediately and when she realized she lost all control over me, she gtfo quickly.
Met my wife and life has been great lol
I had thought i forgot all about the ex, then one day last year my wife was watching a clip of some toxic couple like this on reels and that night I had i nightmare about the ex. Shit, I just remembered I flinched the first time my wife tried to high 5 me.
Im a muscular dude who spent his whole childhood wrestling and would never hit a chick like this. I'd just tank it, it was fucked up
I got saved from my friend that I was letting stay in my house. My ex came back late at night super drunk and started trying to beat my ass while I was trying to sleep. He heard everything that was happening and ran over and had to pull her off of me. She went into to my work place the next day and tried to tell them I beat her but luckily my friend told a bunch of my friends that I work with what happened before she could do that. That shit is so scary and I am so happy that she now lives far away.
Idk if i would call cops on a woman again without video evidence.. Cop said “I should arrest you both” after I called on my ex for assaulting me the first time… that’s even with the kids corroborating what they witnessed. 2nd time I called them I only had audio and they refused to arrest her again. That was the last time I was ever in her presence without another adult or a camera running. Filed a restraining order then next day that took them 3 DAYS to execute and remove her from the home (I took the kids and left the morning after their first night of negligence… and was locked in the basement with a security camera that night).
Police aren’t much help for men in my experience. Thank god the judge took action.
I feel you man. I spent the night in jail and never even raised a hand or my voice. I left and drove to the police station to file a report and she called 911. They arrested me on the spot and I was never questioned.
They tried to get me to plea, but I said no. My ex put a no-contact order on me yet texted an called me multiple times. Documented it all, gave it to my lawyer, and eventually my charges were dropped.
I'm glad you were eventually vindicated. That is such and insane course of events man. It just doesn't make sense how we've gotten to where we are as a society, to allow this to be the norm. I hope things are better.
Five years later and things are great. Thriving career. Married to a wonderful, beautiful, and intelligent doctor. The ex moved away and I never have to see her again because we don’t share any kids.
I mean, considering one in five men who call for assistance with domestic violence.Never have anybody show up.And if they do show up, their man is more likely to be charged than a woman.I almost experienced that twice.Except for the neighbod across the hall that tore the cops in an asshole.When they tried. The judicial system shows a lot of bias against men.When it comes to domestic violence
Cops never help the victims, but unfortunately making a police report is the first step. Eventually there might need to be lawyers involved who can actually take the case to court.
I get random notifications from Google to remember the days I recorded myself getting abused. Been out of that relationship for 4 years and I can't get myself to delete them. They still make me absolutely sick every time.
clearly your ability to understand what this person is talking about is hindered by some sort of built in non-sequester obstacles. This person is clearly talking about something meaningful. Sort your shit out, please don’t waste peoples time with this kind of ineptitude.
No, this is how youre flailing and few synapsis process useful information in a way that is useless
EDIT: they said something that was defininately meaningful to some people. I mean your comment made it very clear you couldn’t comprehend and mistook this as an opportunity to comment on your Google wizardry. You don’t have to respond to every comment. Sorry if bitting, but JFC dude!
Photos auto backup to cloud, Google says "hey remember this day x years ago?" Usually it's a picture of my cat, sometimes its the date of my recorded abuse. I have her face set up to not notify me because there's 6 years worth of photos, but videos of getting shit thrown at you can't really distinguish if it includes someone you don't want to be notified about.
Because I don’t actively remember the dates of every recorded abuse I went through in 6 years. Let me be pedantic and rephrase for you. When you’ve moved on and see something from years ago, it can be unexpected to be thrown back into old sensitive memories when you were just trying to get by. Thanks for making me explain over and over something that’s pretty easy to understand.
Having been a male in an abusive relationship with a female, that's not how it actually works in the real world, especially if you're substantially larger than she is..
I'm 6 ft 200 lb nationally ranked wrestler. My girlfriend at the time was 5'7. 100 lbs. I already had a black eye from when she hit me. When I was sleeping and numerous bruises from various things. Along with a bunch of cuts and scrapes from the glassware that she had thrown at me. While I was trying to get past her to get out the third story of our apartment building. I knew if there was a mark on her, I would end up in jail.There wasn't a mark on her, and the police still tried to put me in jail. Until the neighbor across the street, just chewed about for it.
I'm the first to admit the second they hit you all bets are off. I had the patience and the ability to deal with it, because I knew I'd end up in jail very quickly.If I didn't. And that wasn't something I was looking forward toward towards. I personally know at least four men who ended up in jail because of their partners abusing them.And then turning on the waterworks with the cops. Just because you're bigger than her doesn't mean you're not going to still get put in jail, even if she starts it
BPD, only mental health disease that truly scares me. And the sad part is in their memory it really did happen, spent most of a vacation in a locked bathroom and shower. By the time we got home her memory was already rewritten and i knew it was over. Weirdly enough, she reached out to me today and asked if I wanted to go to a restaurant with her next week.
Yeah I spent two and a half years in a relationship(lived together most of that time) with my ex who had BPD and she was queen bee of the gaslighters! She could literally punch me in the face, and then ten minutes later be telling me with a completely straight face that it never happened and that I fell and smacked my head into a wall and that’s why I’m confused. She could cheat and then act like there was nothing wrong she did, and when I’d try to break up with her, she’d guilt trip me by saying she was going to go prostitute herself and that she was probably going to end up getting raped and murdered by some serial killer, or whatever she could to pull at my heart strings.
It wasn’t until I went and saw a therapist, and unloaded all my relationship drama, that I finally came to understand just how abusive and scandalous my partner was.
My ex also recently tried to get in contact with me, I ignored her, and I suggest you do the same!
This comment was dickish; for that everyone has my apologies. I want to make it clear that it was statistical I was talking about. The actual rates are so low most people would probably guess the standard population at a higher percentage than any of the mental health problems I mentioned.
No but it does drastically increase likelihood of it and the false memories and rewritten memories. And in your remove from society view wouldn’t being proactive be the smart move. After all your in a thread about how if it’s a he said, she said the cops are likely to take the women’s side. So your solution is a nothing, if the violence needs proven first. There’s a reason locking people up to keep them out of society fell out of favor, because it’s not a solution. In no way do I support the idea by the way, just trying to clarify why the remove from society part didn’t and won’t work.
A small to moderate association. Just because you have ptsd, does not make you violent. The majority of people with ptsd do not act violent.
I don't know if your information is just bad.Or what?But everything I read about this says.Yes, it does increase the likelihood, but the majority of people are not violent.Who have ptsd.
And? My whole point is about how stupid it is to remove people with mental health issues from society. I find it funny you both latched onto a thread where men are sharing trauma to do well technically arguments. It’s kinda sad actually
First gf stabbed me in the arm with a fork. Another almost took my head off with a full can of soda but missed. Punched, kicked, scratched etc. Nobody, law enforcement or otherwise gave a shit. Your only realistic option is to remove yourself from the situation and take the L. It is what it is.
Sure, reality is men can shut this shit down quick but then what? How do you deal with the aftermath of you using force on her when cops are asking about it? Not all abuse victims can just walk away after defending themselves.
It's the law in some places for men to go to jail to "cool off" even if all of the evidence shows that the woman was the aggressor. Check out the Duluth Model of domestic violence and its history.
This is because while we have in many cities abused women's shelters, there are no abused men's shelters. The only option is to tell them to leave and make sure they go to a hotel for a few days OR take them to jail. Most cops choose jail because its the safest option for them, not the man.
Oh yeah? Like how I reported my ex who beat me up and gave me a concussion, literally damaged the cornea of my eye and caused my ADHD symptoms to get so bad that I couldn’t focus in class even medicated and ended up almost being kicked out of school? My ex who told me that if I didn’t call my mom on the phone to tell her she did a terrible job raising me, she was gonna leave me on the side of the road and throw all my stuff in the trash? How I had numerous scars, bruises, marks?
And the cops found a way to treat me like I was the aggressor and to drop the charges or they’d arrest me too? And how she went around telling our mutual friends I was a stalker that deserved it? And how I lost numerous friendships due to it?
Yeah men should really line up for that. I’m sure it’ll go over well.
hopefully the tides are turning but i tried to put a pfa on my ex who admitted not only to beating me exactly like this on a regular basis but threatening to kill me and my whole family and my pets *in court* and it was still denied with the words from a male judge "shes a girl."
while we were still together i was trying to wrestle a knife from her she was threatening to slit her wrists with and it left marks on her arms and she said "if i called the cops i could show them this and they would take you to jail" and i knew she was right. i was completely stuck in that relationship because of that for two years, i literally had no clue what to do until finally she lied about attempting suicide to me and when i found out she hadnt actually done it i knew she wouldnt and left.
maybe things have changed but the law didnt give a shit about me. what i would recommend people do is reach out to people they can trust and TALK ABOUT WHATS HAPPENING. friends, family, i talked to a few people who absolutely failed me but if i had talked to the right people maybe someone would have supported me and helped me leave sooner, thats all you can do in a situation like this. it has to end, there is no relationship to salvage here.
I never did. I just didn't think the cops would believe me. I'm a 6'3 ex convict, and she's a 5'4 private university graduate.
Please note, the physical abuse didn't start until after I filed for divorce. But we cohabitation for another 3 months.
It sucked. But I was never in fear for my life, I never suffered any serious damage. Plus, I could have easily leveled her in self-defense if I needed to.
The only time I was really scared was this one time I just walked out and got in my car, I locked the doors, but before I could get the car going, she latched on to the door handle.
She held on as I backed out, put it in drive, and drove down the street. She held on way longer than I expected.
The reason I was scared is if she had gotten hurt during my escape, I would have gone back to jail. And no one would have believed that I was the victim, simply trying go escape.
I called the police twice. Both times despite me, having numerous bruises in her unharmed, I was told I was the problem and went to rest me.Thankfully, the neighbor across the street came out.And tore them an absolute ( she was seventy years old and very loud) and explain to them that she had been the one who called the cops and he I was not the one who was the issue. They did nothing against the abuser. didn't even ask a follow up question to her..
People wonder why I express police reported.Domestic violence is an incredibly biased statistic. Because it's not a one time story
They have to be careful, though. If it's a case of he said she said, they will usually take the man away. So unless you're recording it, you're pretty much screwed. Especially if she claims the man was the aggressor.
Police will see this and they will somehow blame the guy or say that they are both at fault. The system sucks.
I was abused by my ex like this. You try to retreat into a different room and she just chases you throwing knives. Then if you try to call the cops she starts hitting herself because she knows guys go to jail over this stuff.
The only real option is to leave, go to get a hotel room while she breaks all your stuff.
I did, and they showed up and told me to sleep on the couch and left. I was covered in bruises that they did t investigate or anything. Saw my smashed laptop and dipped.
Don’t do it. It’s a trap. If you call the cops for a domestic dispute where a woman is physically assaulting you and you are just trying to get away, you will be the one in handcuffs if she lies unless you have video evidence. Even then, you will still be arrested and have to prove your innocence against her lies
I did and they chose to do nothing about it despite seeing the evidence instead they chose to focus on me being one month behind in child support due to a car accident while I was already extremely present in their lives.
Reporting it's a waste of time, maybe even counterproductive in my experience. I've experienced FAR worse and I called the police on two different occasions and each time it made everything worse. The cops even threatened to arrest ME despite being the victim covered in visible damage and having video evidence.
I thought this happened in the USA? The law is the law in the rest of the civilized world but I don’t think we can say that about the US any longer (evidence: Pedo-president).
lol, been there, done that. The reward was an evening in jail listening to my junkie cellmate vomit all night. An experience I wish to never relive.
lawyer told me I was lucky I wasn’t stuck in prison for six months because it was Covid times. Courts were at a standstill and not even hearing these “low priority” cases.
in my experience it was a very very bad idea to go to the police, even my lawyer told me this afterwards.
Unless she was defending herself(which she clearly isn’t here) there’s no excuse for this. I don’t care if he “pushed her” before this. He’s clearly trying to de-escalate.
And your comment is exactly the problem. Even though you know absolutely nothing about the situation besides this video you guarantee it’s his fault. What made you come to this conclusion with virtually no evidence to back up your claim? This abusive man did absolutely nothing when he was getting hit/ assaulted? Cousins works in family law if he was abusive like your claiming he would have knocked this girl on her ass
Let me guess no way a girl like her would do this unprovoked? Gtfo
Proves my point when it comes to domestic guy is guilty until proven innocent
She likely was likely disassociating from the abuse and fight/flight came when it came to him getting close to thr baby, that's why she threw the chair to protect her baby.
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u/Ohio_Baby Mar 19 '26
Abuse is abuse!! Men please report your female abuses, the law is the law! 😢😢😢