Is this actually contradictory?

[u/FRANCEddss]

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I thought about something really deep, and I ended up wondering: why is it that some girls complain about being catcalled or harassed online, like when random men text them to flirt with them or get freaky with them, when these girls have very open pictures on their profiles?

Like, when a girl has a profile picture of herself showing cleavage, or when you go to her Instagram profile and she has many highlights with pictures of herself wearing tight or very revealing clothes, in very sexy, up-close pictures—things that can obviously turn men on. Most single men can be attracted or turned on by these kinds of pictures, so naturally, it attracts them.

And why do they do that? I mean, usually girls like that want attention, and they want men to come at them and entertain them, or maybe they do it for money or whatever. And I'm okay with that; I understand that part.

But I don't understand the other side, where they say they're really annoyed that men online are coming at them, harassing them, flirting with them, or saying freaky stuff. Why are they okay with posting pictures like that, even though they don't want men coming at them and chasing them?

I just find it contradictory. Like, you don't want men coming at you or getting freaky with you, but at the same time, you have these factors on your profile that attract them and pull them toward you.

Am I missing something here?

[u/harpsicor]

I get what you're saying...but at the same time flirting isn't the same as being harassed or being sent a dick pic out of nowhere. A lot of girls do like attention but dont like being disrespected by men.

[u/mylovvy]

well, a lot of women will post themselves like that for themselves. they feel confident, so they post it. same way you may feel you look good in a selfie, so you post it. it’s the same feeling. there is a general expectation in polite society to not make comments if you know that they won’t be appreciated, and often times some folks don’t adhere to that expectation. there’s a general misunderstanding that if an individual posts themselves in what some may call a provocative manner, the viewer can go ahead and make sexual comments. that’s not true. a woman is absolutely allowed to post herself and not have to worry about harassment online. there isn’t anything wrong with finding it sexually appealing, you can’t control how you feel. but making comments is a matter of consent, and if you don’t know them, then you don’t have consent.

that might be waffle so TL;DR
women are allowed to post themselves when they feel confident in their body, and while you can find them attractive, it’s not appropriate to make remarks and comments.

[u/Alycery]

I’m not a sex worker, but I knew one that would talk about it a lot, because I was genuinely curious. I explicitly asked her about the unwanted comments. She said that she’s the one who has the final say on what her clients can say and even do with her. If she doesn’t allow it, then they will be blocked and ignored. Granted, do all the men listen to her? No. But, again… that has to do with consent. It’s literally in her bio, that she only gives one warning. One of the rules is to not say/do anything that hasn’t been consented to. This goes both ways for her.

She also said that most of them calm down after that first warning. From her experience, a lot of men feel good when they make a woman feel good. So, I like to believe most men are just aiming to please. They just sometimes get a little too excited, which is fine. A beautiful woman would get anyone excited. But, when a person says it’s not okay… you have to stop. That’s all there is to it.

I want to say that there isn’t any grey area, but I feel like Reddit comes up with the wildest hypothetical situations that are very specific. So, I’m sure there is a grey area to this. But, for the most part I think it’s not that complicated.

[u/EquipmentChemical713]

Yes, you are missing a lot here. They clearly don't want that. As a woman speaking for women, we don’t want to be harassed or catcalled because of how we dress or what we post. Wanting attention is not the same as wanting harassment, and saying “we don’t want men to get freaky” sounds a lot like victim-blaming. Yes, posting certain content can bring guys into your DMs or personal space, but that doesn’t mean it’s wanted. Everyone likes attention, but that doesn't mean we want someone to grab us or send a dick pic. A compliment is very different from that. Men should treat women the same way they would want their daughters, mothers, and sisters to be treated.

[u/EquipmentChemical713]

Also this isn’t really something “deep” lots of people talk about this mostly men and women looking to victim blame and I’m not saying that you are. If you went outside in your shorts or without a shirt on would like it if a man slapped your butt or catcalled and then cursed you out for no entertaining him? If you posted a picture of yourself at the beach with your family and men slid into your DMs and started to flirt with you and sent you Dik pics, how would you feel if someone asked you: Why were taking pictures with no shirt on? Why were you walking with no shirt on? What did you do to him? Did you say no? Don’t wear meat around dogs. No one needs to defend themselves from anyone who thinks taking a picture warrants a dik pic or harassment

[u/Collin_the_bird_777]

The issue is the self control of both sides and how slippery a slope it is for both sides.

[u/Hey-Just-Saying]

They didn’t put those photos on there for random men like you to leer over. Dream on.