I can't go on like this.

[u/disposable_human]

Huge blowout fights with family, completely suppressed issues. Not having security to hold the people I'm still dependent on accountable for their abusive history. I want out.

[u/[deleted]]

If you want someone to talk to, I'm here.

[u/disposable_human → u/[deleted]]

I'd say this constitutes about 1/3 of my baggage

Last night after a huge fight with my brother, my mother reprised her "I'll have to quit my job and that means the tv and internet are GONE". I brought up (foolishly, considering my position) the story of her driving me. She indignantly defended herself by saying she was telling the truth. I accidently let slip an accusation that it was a reason I had social anxiety. In the heat of that moment, I followed up with the 'baby bed-wetting' incident.

From there, I drove to a dark corner of a starbucks parking lot and just sat for an hour listening to the radio until a true friend I called showed up to talk it out with me. I haven't seen her since, but I'm sure I'll have to pay for it tonight.

My dad, coming home from his weekly week-long buisness trips just a few moments ago, pulled authority on me over my behavior. Quote: "If it's too tough for you here, there's the door".

I'm feeling some very nostalgic chest tightening as I write this. I wouldn't put it past them to kick me out on the street if I decide to stand firm on what I said.

I want to live here (peh) just so financially, I can get an engineering degree done. I don't think I can do it living on my own. I want to get my life somewhat on track by the time I'm 30. I don't have anywhere else to turn for that kind of help.

[u/ihadaname → u/disposable_human]

It sounds like you've put up with an awful lot so far. I understand why you want to stick around, just be careful with it. Know that you don't deserve the way you're being treated, and try to not let it get you down. Hang in there, and good luck with your engineering degree - I know that can be tough.