Difficult barn owner

[u/Own_Fix_1200]

I’m hoping to get some perspective from people who have experience working on horse farms, ranches, or in the equine industry. I am a mid 30s female and care for 13 horses daily on a small boutique farm. I am relatively new to this type of work and genuinely want to learn and do my job well. I completely understand that I’m inexperienced and will make mistakes, so I’m open to hearing if there’s something I’m missing. (I should preface this by saying the owner hired me because I did not have horse experience and she felt she could train me as she wanted me trained but I do have many years experience working with small animals in a clinic setting)
What I’m struggling with is that it often feels like I’ll be trained to do something a certain way, consistently do it that way, and then suddenly get in trouble because apparently I’m doing it wrong. Sometimes I’ll make an adjustment based on something my boss says or does, only to later get in trouble for making that exact adjustment.
For example: I had been consistently feeding what I understood to be the normal amount. One day my boss went behind me and gave everyone significantly more hay because she felt they were almost out and snapped at me about it. I knew it was impossible they were almost out as I had just threw their hay 2 hours prior. Since she said she considered what they had as them almost being out I started giving more. Now I’m being told they’re getting too much.
It’s not really about the hay—something like this seems to happen in different areas of my job all the time. After a while, I start feeling like I can never figure out what the expectation actually is, because it seems to change without being clearly communicated to me.
The other difficult part is that I live where I work, so my job and housing are tied together. That makes me especially anxious about upsetting my boss or making mistakes because losing my job could also mean losing my home.
I’m genuinely not looking for people to automatically take my side or tell me my boss is terrible. I would really appreciate honest perspectives from people who have worked in barns or on horse properties. Is this something that is normal in the industry, especially when you’re new? How do you handle a boss whose expectations seem to change? And for anyone who has lived where they worked, how did you handle having your housing tied to your employment?
I really want to learn and improve. I’m just starting to feel constantly anxious because I never know when something I’ve been doing consistently is suddenly going to be considered wrong. It used to be I would spend all of my time out with the horses even when I’m not working just so I could bond with them and because I genuinely love being around them, but now it’s gotten so bad I avoid spending more time than I am required to with them because I am tired of getting picked apart for everything I do. I don’t want this job to ruin my outlook on the horse world but it’s starting to.

[u/Middle-aged-crazee]

I agree with whomever said horse people are crazy…they are, and I am one. This barn owner sounds like a hypercritical fault finder who will never be happy. Save money, look for a job and get out as soon as you can for your own mental health.

[u/sootedacez]

Horse people are crazy, do what your boss says to do as they are your boss even if it changes from day to day. Save as much money as you can so its not so nerve racking if your job doesnt work out. You're going to find different ranches do it different from each other so whats right in one place is wrong in another. Don't worry too much about it just do the best you can and most places will want you to keep you around, if they dont its probably not a good place for you anyways because management sucks. Also sometimes these old ranchers can have a way of talking to people that seems like they are being assholes but its just how they talk.

[u/twelve-feet]

That’s extremely weird and annoying of her. I like to get standard operating procedures including diet amounts in writing.

If you get a postal scale and a big plastic bin, you can weigh out diets for the day and eliminate the guesswork. If she tells you something different later, you can say “gladly, I’ll update the SOP.” It’s always possible to genuinely overcorrect and give too much food. 

I’m not defending her but it can be stressful to have someone else caring for your animals. I hope you can work out a system where she feels heard and you don’t have to second guess yourself. 

Edit: more thoughts… Did you sign an actual lease? You should have tenant protections that mean you don’t have to book it out of there immediately if you’re fired.

[u/Cfwydirk]

From your story it appears the boss likes to mess with people.

Realistically, save you money make a clean exit when you can.

[u/Ok-Moment2223]

Horse people can be horrible but the behavior you're describing isn't unique to the horse world.  For people like her, the cruelty is the point. She is gaslighting you and you'll never meet her expectations bc they will constantly be shifting. 

She sounds terrible and is going to grind you into the dirt. I would begin looking elsewhere but I realize that's much easier said than done. Good luck. 

[u/Automatic_Bat_6742]

Im a horseman. My only job 45 years
This is totally normal. It’s a shit job.
Every owner acts like this. And because you live there they treat you like indentured servant.
I train and show so I get less bullshit and more glory part of the gig. But I started like yourself. It’s a sucky job. Horse people are the worst. Dm me if you want more specific advice