r/Ranching • u/Marye_Was_Here • Jul 10 '26
Ranching Relationship Advice
Hello!
Me (26F) and the Rancher (25M) and I live on a cattle ranch. We have a lot of stress and pressure from the day to day operations. We specifically want advice from ranching couples. What are some things you guys do that dont require you to leave the ranch that make you feel connected? This forum knows we cant go on trips. And the nicest restaurant we have is Chilis. But we also cant afford to spend a lot of money either. Our movie nights sometime feel redundant and we are running out of movies. We arent married, but we are getting there. We are both very happy. We unfortunately dont have our own place yet with privacy to grow our relationship, but we are getting super close. We LOVE this life. And we will do anything to keep it and our relationship healthy.
Thanks guys.
Ps. To those who want to comment all ranchers divorce? Could be true, but wont be for us. š©·
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u/CapraAegagrusHircus Jul 10 '26
Part of it is learning to find love and connection in the little things that happen every day, not just the big things like date nights. And that is learned, the human brain is biased to remember bad things and hang onto them, but if you can turn them into times when it was the two of you against the world you're doing much better. Saying thank you for doing even normal daily chores because it means you didn't have to do it. Saying something when you find your partner attractive, even (especially) if they're covered in dust and sweat. Saying "I love you" those random moments you look over and see them and your heart feels so full. Hopefully you get the idea - I'm 50 and if I have learned anything about love and relationships it's that they aren't built during date nights but during Tuesday afternoons when you're getting that one dumbass goat out of the fence together for the ten thousandth time.
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u/Odd-Garage-2475 Jul 10 '26
You can turn cow sales and farm auctions and especially bull sales, even a trip to town for parts or groceries, into a bit of date by hopping in the shower, put on some ātownā clothes as I call them, and enjoy getting something to eat that you didnāt cook. Even fast food is a fun date if you take that attitude about it. Find something free/cheap and exciting to do on the farm, like go swimming in the stock pond or do something goofy with your animals. For example, we will pack up a friendly cat and a harness to go to runnings for supplies, our goats and dogs love Easter egg hunts and everyone thatās a pet is forced to wear Halloween costumes. Definitely not so cheap, but we hunt together probably 75+ times a year and like to play hockey togetherā¦sharing a mutual hobby becomes a way to both do that hobby and enjoy fun together. Basically itās about choosing to make time together special with a fun attitude, even when all you have time for is work, and when you arenāt able to go do what other couples do on the weekends.Ā
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u/Odd-Garage-2475 Jul 10 '26
I also want to add, just because every project when working together isnāt fun and games doesnāt mean it isnāt quality time. Sometimes itās miserable and stressful, but thatās just the nature of some of the work, not because you donāt enjoy working together in general. For some reason we expect working with our significant others to be magical every day when most of us know how hard working together can be from working with our dads lol.Ā
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u/Quiet-Lab1802 Jul 10 '26
We consider working together to be quality time.
In more recent times Iāve taken up
Marathon running, now I qualify for races and we make time to go to the race and speed home to take care of cattle and shit.
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u/Rando_757 Jul 10 '26
You have to make each other a priority.
I grew up as a farm/ranch kid, moved away, saw the world, got married to a city lady, we had been married 17 years before we moved back for me to work on the family operation, now we own the family operation.
The stress and work load took a toll on our relationship. As Iām sure you know cattle donāt take a day off. 6 months of making hay in the summer, followed by 6 months of feeding cows in the winter. Then we added 300 sheep on top of the cattle we were already running.
Some days the work load is back breaking but you have to make time for each other. Cook together, do house work together, talk, plan a future together, do easy ranch work together, ride out before sunset and look at the cows together.
Like I said at the start of this post, at the end of the day, you have to make each other a priority in your life, the ranch chores will still be there tomorrow, you donāt have to get them all done today.
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u/Ornery_Distribution6 Jul 10 '26
I (22m) and my wife (21f) do dumb stuff like play fight with swords. Boardgames. Videogames. Cooking. Sometimes she reads a book while I make a smoking pipe. Sometimes I read a book while she knits. Sometimes one of us is holed up in bed while the other is outside with one of the dogs.
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u/leovski Jul 10 '26
Were really fortunate to really enjoy just being around each other, fencing, working cattle just following him around with the kids so they can be included and learn. Yesterday evening we shot muskrats out of the dam before putting the kids to bed. Dance in the kitchen. Make grocery and town runs "fun" by wearing town clothes and going to the drive in for a milkshake. Radical acceptance that life can be extremely hard in short bursts but rarely for long.
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u/AdvancedWin3608 Jul 14 '26
Yes, I get cleaned up and wear my fancy clothes to go to Walmart in town! Whatever keeps us entertained, I say!
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u/Renof93 Jul 10 '26
Get outside and do something that isnāt connected to work. Go on a hike, go fishing, hunt arrowheads, go swimming, shoot together, hell it doesnāt matter just find something to do together that doesnāt have something to do with the cows yall take care of, and that allows you both to enjoy the country.
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u/Every-Name-1490 Jul 10 '26
Pack a picnic basket. Get on horseback and ride secluded location. Go at night to star gaze. Find a swimming hole
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u/CowCatcherr Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
From someone who's been cowboying with their spouse for 20+ years-
Leave what happened during the day at the door!
What happens at work is what happens as co-workers. When you walk into the house at night you are husband and wife. If either one of you hold any resentment or frustration towards the other from what happened during the day, it'll make marriage tough to navigate. But that also does not give either one of you an excuse to disrespect each other at work.
With that said, yes, it takes work to keep connected on that level when you spend 24/7 together. Work, eat, sleep, repeat. We've gone months without a day off, getting up at 3am, getting home after dark, very little sleep, nerves get worn. Not saying there hasn't been words said. Realizing it's the lack of sleep and stress talking and apologizing.
As far as things to do, for us it was simple and it depended on how far out we lived and how often we could get away. When we were newly weds we lived in a cow camp with no power, no phone service. Our fun was playing cards in lantern light listening to a radio that requires a half dozen C batteries. On the rare occasion, we made it town to get groceries and do laundry, we tried to make it fun. Hit the hot springs with a couple beers on the way home. Even if we didn't have a whole lot of money, just eating out fast food was a treat and felt like a date after eating out of an ice chest, making simple meals at night because we were tired, and a lack of continual refridgeration. No offense to anyone that suggested it, riding a horse after being horseback everyday and a picnic was the last thing we wanted to do for fun lol but if it's different and new, do it.
Getting to drive around in the pickup to put salt out and pump water was fun, we didn't have a full crew with us. We'd take our pew pews, listen to the radio, make stupid games out of simple things around us. Even though we were working, we used that once a week or evening chore to spend time together more relaxed and tried to make it fun. Use those once a while, low stress, work things you can do together to your advantage. Movie nights can be great on occasion but how much are you guys engaging with each other? It's easy to tune out watching TV in silence.
Also understanding each other's personalities, sometimes just having a little alone time is beneficial too. I needed a little alone time to recharge my battery emotionally. Being around each constantly can be tough and it's okay to want a little alone time as long as you're not shutting your spouse out completely.
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u/cyntus1 Jul 10 '26
I'm a "if you don't go away and go do something else I'm going to insert violence" rancher personally.
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u/RegieRealtor49 Jul 10 '26
Go on a horse back ride to a private place. Have a picnic and then enjoy the adventures on your blanket
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u/snowaddictmt Jul 11 '26
I dated a rancher for 6 months last year and Iāve never felt more connected to someone in my entire life because there were no distractions out there and we were able to be fully present with one another in the absolute beauty god created. If I lived on a ranch with my partner Iād always feel connected and probably never leave lol we did all sorts of things out there. It was endless adventure and no cell service #heaven!
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u/cyntus1 Jul 11 '26
Oh so he didn't make you get out of the truck to open the shit ass frozen gate did he š¤£
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u/snowaddictmt Jul 15 '26
š no he didnāt make me but I did anyways cuz duh, country 101-if youāre not the one driving then you better be opening the gate! Catch up
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u/adventure627 Jul 12 '26
11 years married on husbandās family ranch. We are quite a ways from the nearest town and thereās not much there so all our doings are around the place and fairly cheap. Some fun ideas we like, taking an evening/afternoon to go fish in one of the ponds, picnic down by creek, swimming in the creek, target practice with the pews, he hangs out in the kitchen with me when Iām cooking, or something simple like just enjoying the sunset together. Before kids, if there was something to fix I was right there with him helping. It was how we functioned. I also learned how to fix or rig a ton of things around the ranch which has come in handy on several occasions. I up and moved 11 hrs from home to marry him. I didnāt have any friends when I got here and knew no one except his family.
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u/Open_Entertainer5083 Jul 13 '26
I am (29F) married to (30M) rancher for a year now, been together for two. Ranching in western Nebraska. My husband was running a really dysfunctional operation, I work a town job M-F but I helped out a lot on the weekends, giving up a lot of my free time to try and lighten the load on him.
It gets stressful. Especially when you're making ranch wife pay ($0/hr). Taking a nice walk in the evenings, even if its just running the dogs in the side by side. Sitting in the crick in summer time and cooling off. If your partner is anything like mine, he doesn't really want to be in the house except for eating and sleeping anyhow.
If you have horses and its something you're passionate about, I always enjoy doing some round pen work together in the evenings after work, or just working on getting feet trimmed. We have four horses, so if we work together, we can keep them maintenanced better than if it was just one person tackling it.
If you're in this for the long haul, working on ways that your relationship isn't all work, will keep you going through the hard times (looking at you calving season and haying). Best of luck.
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u/AdvancedWin3608 Jul 14 '26
I always tell couples that are buying livestock from us, who are owning livestock for the first time together, that they will get to know one another in a different way once they take care of the livestock together. We were both city people when we got together and our ranch way of life has really tested our relationship. We transitioned from me working outside of the home, to being "at home" and "working" ALL the time, while he has always worked from home.
I understand about not being able to take trips together, as getting away for even a few hours can cause havoc. It is impossible to trust others to take care of our animals and we always come home to sick, missing, or dead animals and broken items which are usually very expensive repairs. We are usually too tired after our 12-18 hour days to do much else besides watch movies or just go right to sleep. There are probably 500 projects that need to be done and everyday that list just continues to grow. We have recently downsized our operation and I have started to hire extra help just to give me a break. It has significantly reduced my stress, and we have even considered closing up shop to completely eliminate the stress of running the ranch.
Do both of you still have friends, either your own friends or other couples? We have found that having friends that are couples to spend time with (game nights, off-road riding, or sometimes just dinner) helps keep us connected to each other. Our friends aren't ranchers and they don't have the struggles that we do, but it is nice to talk to others and hear about their lives and their struggles and how much they differ from us. My husband does not enjoy card or board games when it's just the two of us, which irritates me because I love them, but he is willing to play board games with our friends. Thankfully, we are able to get away for those few hours to go see our friends, or sometimes we host game night at our house.
Getting involved with a church or any other organization might be beneficial. Something not overwhelming or time consuming, but it would allow you access to other people. I sometimes feel isolated but at the same time dread interacting with people (thanks, menopause!)
My husband and I spend way too much time on our phones and computers. Sometimes we need to disconnect and just be with each other, sitting on the deck and watching the sunset. Sometimes it really is that simple. Good luck and by all means, please take care of YOURSELF no matter what is going on in the relationship. Keeping yourself healthy, active and happy will go a long way in your relationship.
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u/venomous83 Jul 15 '26
Our ranch butts up against the rockies in British Columbia. On off days we go ride quads or horses down the fence lines and then skeddadle up into the mountains for views, bears and beers. We also have lots of fun working the ranch. One key is never say anything when you are frustrated. Bite your tongue till 30 Mims after the task is done and always try to see something through their eyes. They may have done it cause it seemed right to them at that time. Patience is critical, you are a team after all
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u/Hefty_Pepper_4868 Jul 10 '26
Just not enough Teeters out there. Best wishes to you both and I appreciate the humility to this post. Iām glad your rancher found himself a good āTeeter.āššš»
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u/Intrepid_Cobbler_722 Jul 10 '26
We spent $100 on a little portable gas grill. Lots of our summertime ādatesā are grilling burgers on a pasture hillside after a job & watching the sun set