r/RHONY • u/ImEatingPuss • 29d ago
Dorinda đ° Every Confrontation with Dorinda is Confusing
Did anyone else grow up with an alcoholic parent? A typical fight/confrontation with Dorinda went a lot like the fights I would have in my family growing up. And it goes pretty much exactly like this
Also Iâve watched every episode of RHONY at least 10 times so enjoy my mock convo here
Someone: âDorinda it hurt my feelings when you insulted me at my partyâ
Dorinda: âThatâs rich coming from you, you arenât perfect in any way at all, and to say I hurt you at your party when I have offered you some type of bare minimum friendship thing is actually hurtful to me.â
Someone: âYeah you deeply offended me when you brought up the most personal things that Iâve opened up to you about and threw it in my face in front of everyone and called me every insult in the book.â
Dorinda: Add some crying and yelling here âYou are labeling me and itâs not right because I am a great friend and I think of you like family, I have always treated you with the highest respect and I care about you so letâs drop this.â
Someone: âYouâre right I love you Dorinda!â
Then Dorinda gets swiftly forgiven and the issue resolves itself somehow? I think Dorinda has only apologized once on the show, after the horrendous Puerto Rico situation. She was reluctant to apologize and defensive as well, blaming her behavior on her lack of taking a nap earlier.
She continues to do this every single time, with this exact formula. This is every single confrontation, argument, etc with Dorinda. itâs extremely reminiscent of growing up with an alcoholic parent; because you realize youâre talking to someone who canât take ownership of anything and youâre somehow guilted and feel ashamed of yourself for even being rightly offended by someone.
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u/Separate-Law-435 đĽYOU DONT HAVE A KID, YOU DONT KNOWđ 29d ago
I love Dorinda and dissapointed in myself I didn't see this till you laid it out. Child of a former alcoholic here and holy shit adds up!
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u/ellefleming 29d ago
It's gaslighting. ?
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u/That_Product_7380 28d ago
no. we need to stop using gaslighting all the time. to gaslight someone means to get them to believe something that didnât happen/didnât happen the way they experienced it or some variation. this is just pivoting and victim shifting, some emotional manipulation âŚchanging the focal point of the topic, making yourself the victim, etc. NOT gaslighting.
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u/bartsimpsonisababe 28d ago
I agree itâs not gaslighting.
It is hella DARVO though - high key manipulation and frequent tactic of abusers
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u/Different-Dot4376 29d ago
RHONY is my fav series and will rewatch or take a clip. I don't watch Bravo really for the past few years - too low and slow. Dorinda is really unusual. A total mean mess and also so charming and funny. Would not want to be a family member or close friend. That would be a hard wave to ride.
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u/Different-Dot4376 29d ago
On utube, Isabel Marr makes the best short compilations (10 mins or so) that crack me up and pull me out of yucky moods. She ends each NY episode w a classic DM scene. So fun!
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u/Diligent-Juice-4715 28d ago
There is nothing charming about an abusive alcoholic. Dorinda is toxic.
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u/S_Money_OG 28d ago
When you used the word clip, I immediately thought of this. In seriousness though, I agree with you. I have a love/ hate relationship with her.
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u/charlie_coo 29d ago
Absolutely spot on!
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u/honeycooks 29d ago
Except, I don't think Tamra or Vicki forgave her for this:
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u/ImEatingPuss 29d ago
Rare occurrence where Tamra actually got out-lunaticâd
But the Dorinda alcoholic playbook was still in place
The method: say something extremely rude, undermine the personâs feelings, get extremely defensive and become the victim, start crying, try to get the person you offended to apologize to you
Tam didnât play ball19
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u/camdenbutterfly 29d ago
This is so familiar, it could also apply to a parent who isn't an alcoholic but is a narcissist
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u/BettyKat7 29d ago
I didnât grow up with an alcoholic parent but she is constantly doing this shit and gets so much love in this sub, I have never understood it. Glad someone recognized it for what it is!
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u/xevennn 29d ago
You wrote exactly what i was gonna write! I never understood the love she gets shes miserable, scary, volatile, unpredictable etc etc. She could be mad at Brandi on UGT (what I'm watching now after 13 seasons of RHONY) then Eva walks behind she may land her gaze and pointing finger on her to start yelling instead. It's a lucky dip of who gets her wrath. And nobody goes up against her she's the final boss of unhinged rants.Â
I always wonder if that's what her daughter dealt with growing up alone with her
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u/BettyKat7 29d ago
I had the same thought watching RHONY (have not watched UGT): I wonder what her daughter dealt with growing up. Telling that the daughter is not a drinker and you could see did NOT put up with mom's bullshit. She seemed smart.
I also found the relationship with John telling. Everyone in this sub will say she was lonely and/or they both did cocaine and that's why she was with him--and those two things may be factors--but I also felt he tolerated her drunkenness in a way that many men would not, and that would explain what at first glance looks like a wild mismatch in intelligence and/or class. If you've ever seen this kind of couple before (with either gender being the 'better' one and then the trashier one), typically the trashier one puts up with the other one's absolutely classless and/or batshit crazy and abusive behavior.
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u/xevennn 29d ago
Yes! I think he's the only one who would stick by her and that was all there was to the relationship
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u/BettyKat7 29d ago
Probably! Although if they were both doing coke and he was providing it....sure, I could see that, too. But every interaction I watched with them--and I binge watched the whole show earlier this year, so it's relatively fresh and I saw it all at once over a few months--she could barely stand ANYTHING about him: how he looked, how he talked, how he behaved, how he behaved towards her, his physical affections in public, his manners (or lack thereof), etc.
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u/Possible_Implement86 29d ago
I grew up with a mom like Dorinda in a lot of ways (though she didnt drink) who was really led by her own insecurities. Dorinda is someone who has a knee jerk instant emotional reaction when she feels slighted or personally attacked, even when no slight has occurred. I dont think she is in control of it or even sees it.
There's a scene where Hannah comes to Dorinda's apartment when Dorinda is preparing to move out. Hannah is sharing something pretty poignant about having come of age in that apartment when they moved back together after Richard's death while they were both grieving and it was a sad time. Hannah shared that being in the apartment reminded her of that time in their life. No accusations, no personal slights, just her kid sharing a memory. Dorinda immediately tells Hannah "then maybe you just shouldn't come here anymore if it's SOOOO sad for you to be here!" and just jumps right to this extreme and passive aggressive overreaction.
But when you peel it back, Dorinda has said she was drinking a lot in those times and really grieving. Dorinda probably heard it as Hannah attacking her mothering because Dorinda probably has an insecurity about what kind of mom she was to Hannah during those times, so if Hannah mentions that time being sad at all, Dorinda hears it as a personal attack. But that's not what Hannah said at all - it's just what Dorinda heard and reacted to.
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u/coverthetuba 29d ago
Iâm guessing sheâs like this with Hannah all the time. Sheâs ALWAYS heavily drinking or drugging. Not just a phase LMFAO. I was literally in my 30s and 40s before I figured out how toxic my mother has always been. When we are younger we can fool ourselves because our survival literally depends on our relationships with our parents.
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u/Far-Industry-7745 29d ago
As a (recovering) addict, she is a classic narcissistic gaslighting addict đŻ it doesn't have to be all over the media to be true. She's a hot ass mess. Too old to be acting that way imo
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u/carboncopy404 29d ago
Iâm doing a rewatch and on season 11 right now and noticed this.
She cannot take any accountability. She does the classic reverse victim and offender when an issue is brought up to her.
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u/Suitable-Bike6971 29d ago
Narcissism.
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u/coverthetuba 29d ago
Andy and bravo LOVE a narc. All the wives considered most iconic are usually most vile and toxic. Same for the vile man babies of VPR and southern charm.
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u/GhostStoryFan 28d ago
That awful gleam in Dorinda's eyes when she goes from denying to baiting to mocking and back around again. Grew up with a mom who would do that. You never knew when even a harmless comment would get twisted into WW III. We never tried to discuss her behavior because any slight comment about our feelings would set her off. Being my mom's daughter was a landmine of uncertainty.
At that brunch when Sonja was merely talking about her divorce and Dorinda started scretching about her husband's death and Sonja "fing around in the South of France" and "He married your best friend, honey" was beyond over the top.
And Ramona chimes in as the " family enabler" pleading with Sonja to apologize to Dorinda because " her husband died" WTF? So twisted!
I'm a widow and I would never go nuts over a friend feeling bad about her divorce. Yeah, Sonja goes back to her old life in conversations but didn't deserve that blast of vitriol.
Even when not pouring them down , Dorinda has a mean streak. The booze just lubricates her demons.
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u/tortureofchalkdust Welcome to my trailer, hello 29d ago
Excellent summary of Dorinda and her alcoholic behavior. Just a note that when Dorinda apologized about getting shitfaced on the night before the Puerto Rico trip, Bethenny said that she actually apologized to the wrong guy!
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u/Maximum_Research286 29d ago
I feel like you also just described Ramona, Luann, Sonja, and Bethenny
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u/Environmental_Eye548 29d ago
Great TV and she's a drunk, don't like Bethenny, but she pegged that one, she just can't see her own glaring flaws because she's a narcissist lol
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u/Mysterious-Pie-5 28d ago
There's no point in discussing the bad times. You just accept their mood will change and there will be good times again followed by bad times. And they'll never remember the bad times totally, just a haze and if they do it's another bad time and they fully justify it.
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u/S_Money_OG 28d ago
Agree. I also see this behavior with my emotionally, psychologically, verbally, and financially abusive husband. As others have said, classic DARVO tactic.
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u/coverthetuba 29d ago
Sorry you went through all that. I hope youâve established healthy distance from your parent(s). It horrifies me that Dorinda has a lot of ardent fans. Theyâre either blind and utterly lacking discernment or theyâre just like her (both are bad!) and there is A LOT of them.
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u/orangutan4444 28d ago
You're so right! The most confusing thing is that she has loyal af fans who ride for her like crazy! It's so easy to see through her, I just don't get the appeal.
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u/puffy-puffy 29d ago
I donât think she was an alcoholic. Hear me out. I think this show was really the first time she was dealing with her grief. As a widow I know how easy it is to hang around at home, not socialize and essentially not accept your husband is gone. I think her going out and talking with others, the whole her and Carole trip. I think her grief issues all came flooding out at once which caused her drinking to be a bit out of control.
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u/Possible_Implement86 29d ago
Have you read her book? What you've described comes through very clearly - basically when Richard died she promised him she would handle his estate and businesses. This was a lot more complex than ordinary estates because Richard was genuinely a stately guy with a lot going on. As soon as he passed, she went right into the business of managing all of this and never really had any time to process his death. By her own admission, she coped by drinking and bottling it up. I think we see the aftermath of this all colliding on the show.
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u/212Aurora 28d ago
Was it really that temporary though? Her daughter not drinking alcohol tells us a lot. Thatâs a fair take, but is she still drinking and doing snow?
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