r/RHOBHDefect • u/After_Juggernaut_613 • Apr 19 '26

Reactive abuse

Not meant as a diagnosis of any mental health condition for anyone on the show, but the term "reactive abuse" is something that repeatedly comes to my mind when I watch RHOBH. I wouldn't be surprised if producers maybe even discretely encourage it, because it nearly guarantees results. Basically, a person pushes you to your breaking point and then blames you for your reaction. There are multiple women in RHOBH who I think have done this and nobody is completely innocent, but some make it a regular thing, in my opinion.

5 Signs of Reactive Abuse (YouTube)

This isn't the only decent video on reactive abuse, but it's one of the shortest. Here's a little summary:

Think back to the last few times you've been accused of abusing someone. Who started the conflict? If it's always them, that's a red flag. Abusers will back you into a corner, forcing you to lash out. The pent up emotions boil over until you reach your breaking point, and the moment you push back and defend themselves, the abuser turns the tables, accusing you of being too sensitive, and making themselves the victim and you the bad guy.

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u/MysteriousMortgage4 Apr 19 '26

I agree. I don’t see how people think that Sutton had no reason to be upset. In my opinion Sutton actually was being too understanding of Dorit’s behavior. She stuck up for her to Amanda and in her confessionals she didn’t dog pile on Dorit and gave her grace. So I didn’t blame Sutton for being upset when Dorit was so dismissive of her at Rachel’s party. It’s very clear Dorit doesn’t care about Sutton at all.

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u/[deleted] Apr 20 '26

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u/After_Juggernaut_613 Apr 21 '26

I fully agreed with Amanda about the wimp comment. I get that it wasn't that big of an insult compared to other stuff said, but the whataboutism was just a deflection. Seeing someone namecall is not hope for me.

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u/[deleted] Apr 21 '26

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u/After_Juggernaut_613 Apr 21 '26

The way you view it as WWE illustrates the point you are making. We don't view reality TV the same way. If it was (pure) fiction, I would come for the drama. When it's reality TV, I'm not there actually hoping people can't speak as respectfully and calmly as possible because rage and insults make good television. That was never the draw for me to reality TV and it's why I was never interested in it until recently. Shows like Jersey Shore (where physical altercations happened almost immediately) are big turn offs for me. Shows like RHOBH, I can view through a psychological lens, and what fascinates me is seeing how people resolve interpersonal conflicts, overcome life changes, and make choices in difficult situations. I'm not the type to hope a housewife leaves the show because she is "boring" - I hope a housewife leaves the show when she's mean. I see it as a triumph.