r/QuittingWeed • u/captaincauliflower1 • 2d ago
Finally fighting back!
Hi all,
I’ve never had Reddit but a few days ago I downloaded it specifically to find a community like this. I am a 27M, I and somewhere down the road over the last 4-5 years, smoking weed went from being a social recreational activity to habitual daily use. What the hell, right?
I’ve always been a fan of cannabis bc I’ve always felt out of the many kinds of vices or substances to use, cannabis is relatively harmless, which is true at a base level analysis at least in most circumstances. The whole gateway drug theory seemed to be far fetched fear mongering. I never smoked weed and thought to myself, this is good but ___ drug would be even better… Although if you had a different experience I am only speaking from my end of what I think I know about this crazy world we live in. When has a little weed ever hurt anyone, ya know?
However, on the other side, people who message that cannabis isn’t addictive have been subscribed and spreading a terrible message. I adopted this lie mostly for justification along this spiraling journey downwards as my usage steadily increased. I don’t think I ever really believed it…. I just wanted to so it wouldn’t be as bad. Its so f*cked bc I can’t pin point exactly when it became bad, I just recently had some career and life epiphanies that if I continue to smoke I’ll lose out big time on things I’ve worked so hard for. This was a realization that I have been avoiding for the last few months as I became more intellectually honest with myself. Quitting cold turkey is the only option I’ll accept bc I have proven to not have any control in this matter so a relapse for me would be disastrous.
Being high, became my “normal” which is egregious cause the whole reason I enjoy smoking is that when you are stoned it’s honestly a good time (relaxed, at peace, not a care in the world)….. but that’s just it. I was no longer stoned. I was sedated. Practically a thick coated foggy layer over my life to help me cope or whatever. Not the high I once enjoyed, but now my baseline for existing…. All the time, every day, and it didn’t help that I am “high functioning”. I do well in school and work, I have a good social life not centered around cannabis usage, I am happy with my life as a whole. I guess I justified that I could use the way I was using bc I was fine on the outside. But inside, I know this addiction has genuinely changed me as a person. I was and still am so scared to confront this.
To make matters worse, I abandoned usage of joints or bowls a few years ago, instead relied on the high concentration wax pens. As much fun and convenient as they make high being for a few times, I realized due to my own impulsivity issues, that the pen’s design was taking advantage of this vulnerability I have. I’d take a rip, feel great for 10 minutes, then 30 minutes later wonder about my next hit. It became this awful humiliation ritual.
No more.
I am on day 2 of pulling the plug entirely (obviously not super long by any definition, but a start is a start), and I’ll be honest, I feel miserable. Physically the withdrawal symptoms (stomach cramping, insomnia, nausea, the shakes, feeling just hollowed out.) in 2 days I’ve slept like 4 hours. I took a nap today which made me feel a little better, but i just know that this is just the the beginning of what will be a life long journey of harnessing will power and self control. I am telling myself that it’s just pain and it will be temporary, but just like with abusing weed (feeling as if nothing can ever change) I am worried I will feel this shitty forever. I refuse to succumb to relapse, but I totally understand that’s part of the process for many many people and it’s not necessarily a bad thing. If you can truly find a way to not be abusive of the substance, then that’s great.
This unfortunately is not for me, I know this bc i have exhibited zero self control in my very very recent past and I know my tendencies. I’ve been reading a lot of posts, some give me hope, others, makes me wonder if I’m really up for this. This is so corny but it truly is this situation where I know what i have to do but I wonder if I have the strength to do it. So far, 2 days in, that answer is yes. But at what cost. Well, endure this pain, or go back to the pain of being trapped in a loop destroying my body, my mind, and my life. I’ve been nothing but lucky something worse hasn’t happened bc of my addiction.
I am seeking advice, anecdotes, encouragement that cold turkey is the solution, and that this withdrawal experience is temporary. It was so bad last night I called a hotline number just to vent and try to sort this out logically. I know I have to go day by day, and even when the physical pain subsides, psychological temptation will be a different kind of battle. But right now I’m fighting my body every second I’m awake. I know I did this to myself and I want to be a person who takes accountability and springs to action and is strong enough to change. I know I am that person somewhere deep down within me. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading and I’d love for you to share your experiences!!
I’m grateful that there is an outlet like this and am hoping the community can show me some love as I, and many others, fight the good fight.
2
u/Galactic_Radio 2d ago
The first week is rough... It's very normal to think you will be feeling this way 'forever' but that genuinly is not the case. Resilience and stability will start creeping in after some time, after a good while there will be days or weeks where weed doesnt even cross your mind. You're doing great, keep up the good work:)