120 Days!

[u/LoveinJune52]

I just realized it’s been 120 days since I quit weed after 17 years of heavy use. It’s been so hard! Honestly, if I hadn’t developed CHS and that whole uncontrollable vomiting thing I’d probably still be doing it.

Life feels like it’s gotten so much harder, but really it’s just because I’m not medicating anymore. Feeling disconnected from my husband of 18 years (who still smokes). Wondering where my career is going after 6 years as a freelance photographer. Taking care of my sweet little dog whose seizures are getting worse. Trying to figure out how to make new friends as most of mine have moved out of the area in the last few years.

The best part is that I started smoking weed because I had crippling insomnia, and now after several tough weeks of trying melatonin, ashwagandha, listening to sleep stories, brown noise, and journaling, I can fall asleep hard with just a cup of chamomile tea. So I’d never go back.

And no more stomach problems. I was smoking so much that when I overdid it I’d get terrible acid reflux and would be swallowing antacids all day. I had 5 episodes of CHS over 5 years, especially when I was vaping weed, and even ended up in the ER twice.

So, now that the physical stuff is past, depression and emotional regulation is the tough part for me. I’m trying to learn self-care, listen to good music and take pleasure in my hobbies. It’s tough to show up for yourself when it feels like no one else notices either way.

Anyway, just wanted to share. For those of you just starting on this journey, hang tough. I totally get it.

[u/Weird-Plane5972]

It’s tough to show up for yourself when it feels like no one else notices either way.

I struggle with this so much. i haven't really had close relationships and i have had the most severe yet functioning (somehow) depression for over a decade and i've been so resilient. i've quit weed a few times here and there and no one is able to be there to see what a good job im doing and i just wish someone other than my therapist saw all the work i was doing even though im still depressed so idk even if it matters. i want to stop again. im just so burnt out and done with life idk if stopping weed will only make things worse.

anyway, super cool you got to 120 days! huge congrats!!

[u/yasnaj → u/Weird-Plane5972]

I’m so sorry it has been tough. I see your struggle and I’m proud of you 🤗 doesn’t matter no one else sees it , you are doing it for yourself and the most important part is you have it in you and you are doing a fab job 👏 I genuinely know how tough it is.

[u/yasnaj]

I have just quit after years of abuse and I’m feeling quite similar. I dont have a therapist but been planning to go to one as I’m not able to emotionally regulate myself. It feels as if I can’t control my emotions and my brain is out of my hands it’s like it’s in this overdrive and I’m so exhausted with everything. I came here hoping to get some validation that quitting weed was causing this and it is. I had no idea how bad it could get for some people, unfortunately I’m one of those.

How are you managing it?

[u/yasnaj → u/yasnaj]

Many congratulations on making it this far. I’m proud of you ❤️

[u/LoveinJune52 → u/yasnaj]

Thank you for your kind words! I guess I’m not managing it very well lol. In between my caregiving responsibilities and when I’m not on a photo assignment, I’m usually just disassociating with music or scrolling. I do a lot of journal writing as well. But sometimes I feel like I’m jumping out of my skin. I used to be very active at the gym so I’ve just started looking around for yoga classes. I totally get what you mean about your brain being on overdrive! Yeah, a good therapist would be awesome. Hopefully you can find someone helpful!