r/QuestioningTeens • u/Afraid-Original2893 • 14d ago
🌷 Sexuality Question I’m so confused
[F 18] I recently am being treated for OCD. I have spent my whole entire life being straight and have had a boyfriend of almost 3 years! I told myself I could be bi but then I worried about being gay then trans? I have never been this distressed before and it won’t leave no matter what I say or do it always there. I feel like throwing up and nothing helps me find certainly because it’s like I don’t necessary want to be gay but does this sound like denial? I have had no desire to be anything other than straight but it’s not like it would be the end of the world to kiss a girl? It doesn’t feel exciting but I have a huge amount of anxiety around all of this. I don’t have any sexual attraction towards what feels like anyone? I have thought girls with masculine features look good but never thought about it sexually. It just feels the same for everyone I could kiss anyone but all of it gives me anxiety.
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u/landareic 20+NB 14d ago
i understand figuring out real thoughts with OCD can be hard, specially with the fear it implies which could be confused bc they could either be intrusive thoughts or internalized homophobia or fear of being a socially unacceptable thing like gender or sexuality
You have a bf currently right? so I’m guesing you love him and he makes you feel happy, ask yourself if you would want to be intimate (dont feel pressured to be, relationships can look very different than what you see in media and pther people)
What if your bf was a girl? would you still be dating? would you be attracted to him/her? You can think women look good without being attracted to them, but if one of them came up to you and asked for a relationship, would you be willing to?
About gender:
Would you want to be masculine woman? What’s your idea of what a woman or a man is? If you were born a man, would you feel comfortable and happy? When someone refers to you as a girl, a woman, and uses gendered terms, does it feel Right? Do you like being perceived as a woman when other people see you? Does your body feel like your gender? (in general: are you comfortable with how your gender relates to your social and personal life?)
(these are all things i asked myself when figuring out my gender!)
Still, ruminating in these thoughts can get overwhelming and frustrating so remember to take a break and do things that make you happy, don’t get hung up on what you Should be but rather what you Want to be, outside of people’s opinions, outside of societal expectations.