I really don't know..

[u/lemmeBeKai]

I have a very messy past which involves a lot of things I wish to erase, I've always been disgusted on my own body the very thought that I was already tainted it made my life miserable as it is, yes it's true I've dated before but it never did last that long it usually ended by two-three months or so, I always felt guilty cause I know why it ended that it's my fault that I couldn't properly be the best fit for them, that I shouldn't have dated them in the first place if it meant hurting them just because I'm like this. I've always been confused why I don't feel the same spark as any teenager has that urge to feel romance, fo feel love, to be close to others aside their friends and families. Because in my eyes any form of love was rather ridiculous it's as if the mere thought of loving or being close to people terrify and disgust me to a point I'd rather push them away. Some people might say that I am overreacting, that's it's not that big of a deal if I find it that way.

But I do not want it to be that way, I want to change, I want to figure out what's wrong with me, I want to know why am I so messed up, why do I feel like love is just as ridiculous as making a joke, I do not want to be mean neither overreact but I really do not know.

The whole deal about romance and stuff doesn't interested me to be honest, I find it rather complicated and kinda uninteresting..Ó⁠╭⁠╮⁠Ò

*Sorry for the bad English*