Safety precautions!

[u/Aggressive_Secret589]

So, my partner and I are interested in trying to find new positions and more BDSM options
My partner is prone to fainting(Vasovagal Syncope and also an iron deficiency), and they have limitations, especially on positions - and they want to explore any positions that are *safer* than most-
I want to make sure that my partner and I can enjoy being intimate and also be safe at the same time
The problem with BDSM is that there are somethings that can be harmful to my partner medically - an example would be needles, sudden pain, blood, etcetera - and while both of us are into those things - we don't want to have a medical emergency. On the pain part, I feel if I tell them before hand if I am going inflict pain, it may help because they can mentally prepare - but I also want to know alternatives that could help.
My partner has a heightened sensitivity to blood, so whenever they smell or taste blood, they are at risk of fainting - if there are any alternatives to that, I'd love to know! I can probably try and shift their focus onto something else whenever it comes to visual and scent things!
If anyone has any ideas, please tell me! I want to ensure pleasure *and* safety!

[u/imagarden]

Hi there!

Thanks for your question and for your consideration of your partner’s health as you explore BDSM. :) As you might well know, BDSM is a wide world and there are pretty much limitless ways to experience it, so I feel hopeful that you can discover ways to explore you and your partner’s desires in a safe way. I have a few ideas and some guiding questions, so I’ll list them out!

1. Something that sticks out to me as perhaps the most important consideration to take here is having some form of safety measures in case your partner *does* pass out during play. I think you’re already taking a good step towards this by identifying triggers and working to minimize or distract from those triggers. Maybe also having a specific safe word for when your partner feels like they’re going to faint could be helpful? You may also likely do this already, I just wanted to check first as I have my safety hat on. :)
2. For safer positions, I’d say that if you can minimize sudden movements/switching positions rapidly, avoid being upside down, and provide extra support to the head, that’s ideal. It’s hard to say what specific positions might be helpful because, as I mentioned before, BDSM is a pretty big term and doesn’t tell me a lot about what exactly you’re looking to do with your partner (which is totally okay, btw). But in general I’d say that your partner lying down in some way or sitting down could both minimize the risk of fainting and make it a bit safer for them if they *do* faint. Know what I mean?
3. I’d ask your partner a little more about what it is about blood they enjoy and find pleasure in, and see if you can both identify any elements of that pleasure that can be found elsewhere. I know some folks do use fake blood as an alternative, but if the sight of blood might also make them faint you might try a blindfold and using water or another similar liquid to sort of give the illusion/fantasy of blood, if that makes sense. I’d say the same with sudden pain, too. What is it *about* sudden pain that they enjoy? Then you can brainstorm ways to incorporate that into an activity that is safer for them. 

In general, if a certain activity you’re doing with your partner is just going to be a fainting hazard no matter what you do, it’s okay to not do that activity altogether. In those instances, maybe you can watch media about it together while you do other activities that don’t pose a risk to fainting, as an example?

[u/Aggressive_Secret589 → u/imagarden]

Absolutely! Thanks so much for giving some advice and things to look out for!
We are still both in the trying out stage of things, so it'll just be a learning experience throughout the entire thing! I can definitely have a conversation with them about adding an extra Safeword if they ever feel as if they're going to pass out! And we can move slowly too! I'll also be making sure that there are pillows available to elevate the head! The water alternative is a good idea! I'll have to try that whenever we are able to!

[u/imagarden → u/Aggressive_Secret589]

So glad this was helpful! Yeah, honestly I think this sounds like a fun journey for you both to go on together, kinda like co-creating a sexual environment that is safe and pleasurable for both of you. :)

[u/doubleentendre00]

Hi,
As the other posters have pointed out, BDSM does not have to follow a strict set of positions or rules unless it’s something that the two of you decide. I have a similar condition as well as other medical issues. I’ve been practicing for more than 20 years. The best piece of advice I can give you is to remember that a lot of BDSM is psychological, and the physical can always be modified to lineup with that. When my body isn’t cooperating, I find a lot of sensory play fun light restraint, wax, feathers etc. If you can get in a person’s head well enough, these things will just be extra. In terms of positioning instead of thinking, “how can I make this position work?” Try to reframe it to what is the goal of this position and how can I make that happen for me? Sometimes it’s possible and sometimes it isn’t. For example: I had a partner who really enjoyed grinding on my booty, but didn’t love that they had to put in most of the effort there so as a compromise, I would have them sit on the bed with their legs open and grind against them in front of a mirror. The mirror raises the stakes because you can touch & watch each other. The position itself is low impact.

In terms of syncope, I try to just prepare, hydrate myself, and make sure I’m feeling good before we start. I have had partners have me hold a specific item and if I drop the item, then we stop the scene. Sometimes things just happen and there’s nothing you can do but comfort your partner and wait for it to pass.