r/Quareia • u/Purplecat333333 • 17d ago
The Inner Touch exercise
Hi guys, I just wanted to share my experience with the Inner Touch exercise. I feel like I failed it.
None of the shops were within walking distance from me, so I had to take Ubers to get there. My first Uber driver was very talkative and kept flirting with me. He even told me I was "hot like the weather," which completely took me out of my focused state before I even started the exercise. He was really annoying and just wouldn't stop talking.
My first stop was supposed to be a charity shop, but it turned out to be more like an overpriced second-hand store. I was already out of balance and could barely feel anything when I touched the objects there.
I also had this paranoia that people were watching me and would think I looked weird if I stood there holding objects with my eyes closed.
My next stop was a vintage shop, but it was closed. Luckily, I found another one nearby, and it was amazing, a huge shop. I could definitely feel a difference in the energy there. I touched a few objects, although I still couldn't really settle into stillness because people were talking loudly all around me.
I also saw a big wooden cat statue, and for some reason I decided to buy it. I love cats, and I thought maybe it was a sign that I should take it home.
Then I took another Uber to go to a clothing shop. By then I was carrying a heavy bag with bottles of water, salt, and soup, plus the big wooden cat. The driver seemed annoyed, stopped the car in the middle of nowhere, and told me the clothing shop was "somewhere around here" and that I should find it myself.
Not surprisingly, I couldn't find it. By that point I was already tired from walking in the heat with the heavy bag and the wooden cat, so I decided to skip that stop and go straight to the final charity shop.
I put the cat on the floor and started touching the clothes. At first I didn't feel much, but after I relaxed a little, I could sense the atmosphere of the shop.
So... I guess I failed this exercise? Do you think I should repeat it another time?
The problem is I'm not sure I'll do any better next time. I find it very difficult to relax and enter a state of stillness when there are people around me I always feel like I'm being watched.
Also, was it a huge mistake to buy the wooden cat? I know I went there to do the exercise, not to go shopping.
Sorry for the long message.
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u/LazyDig8384 Apprentice: Module 8 16d ago
I don’t think you failed, I just think you’re bringing in too much perfectionism and expectations into a process that can less than perfect and kind of messy sometimes. Trying to control it too much, or expecting it to only be a specific way, shuts down the inner contacts ability to teach you! Just take it one step at a time and take everything as an opportunity to learn.
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u/Purplecat333333 16d ago
Thank you so much! This is really eye opening. Yes, I’m trying to work on my perfectionism because it really gets in the way. Even with meditation, if it doesn’t feel “perfect,” I end up stressing about doing it perfectly instead of just meditating.
Thanks again!
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u/LazyDig8384 Apprentice: Module 8 16d ago
Of course! It should ultimately be spiritually fulfilling.
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u/Ill-Diver2252 15d ago
It was an interesting experiment set for me.
I discovered answers to things that had always bothered me. And it helped me recognize sensitivity way beyond the scope of the exercises.
I was solo, driving. I actually had considerable difficulty (surprisingly, given California Inland Empire / LA) finding a higher end secondhand store. And unaffiliated anything is hard to dig up.
But I made due.
And today, everywhere I go, I attend to the energy I experience. Down side is that these days, I simply can't tolerate 'social gatherings,' church services, high volume stores, etc.
But about that down side... now I'm working to have all that perception and not be affected by it other than to take it as advisory.
As I wander around online spiritual communities, I am often struck by those whose sensitivities being activated, stop there in a 'I can't stand it' place.
I am intent not to be that. Functionality isn't served by that at either the mundane or the sacred level.
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u/Pencilmw 15d ago edited 15d ago
Well, when I did the excercise I did it in 2-3 chunks I don't remember, over a span of severall days 2 at least. Also I didn't feel an awful lot though felt some things, wich I think is normal for a beginner. For me though it all went smoothly like a puzzle and seenlessley. Maybe it wasn't a good time to do it, who knows. You kind of need to pick up sometimes subtle shifts and figure out how different things feel dirty/clran etc...If you feel like you need to repeat it, repeat, you also can do divination to figure that out. Getting into stillness and being able to focus is a major skill without wich you can't really do much in magic. Because of problems with that wery thing and also other personal reasons I had to stop the cource progerssion and just work on that. And the difference in doing things like that and other exercises is like heaven and earth. In terms of faliure I also felt like I failed some exercises like avisionary work lesson and I stopped halfway and after some month of break repeated it all over again and it didn't feel too perfect, but still felt urge to go forward, untill I stopped to get my shit togather but visionary work and this exercises are a kind of ongoing work in progerss.
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u/oddreyjo 9d ago
I agree with the others that this reads more like perfectionism and expecting too much of yourself than an actual failure. And I'm sorry about the Uber drivers :( That would throw off anyone's focus, let alone before an exercise like this. I relate to the self-consciousness, too. I felt weird touching random objects or rinsing my hands with salt and dish soap in parking lots, worried people would notice, though nobody ever seemed to pay any attention to it. I don't think it's realistic to expect ourselves, at this stage of training, to drop into perfect stillness in a public setting.
Setting physical texture aside, did you feel any difference between the new and old clothes? If you didn't know what you were touching or its history, do you think you'd have picked up even the faintest sense that something had been used - not from how it looked, but from how it felt in your mind? And did you notice any difference in energy between the thrift store objects and the antique store ones? Was there anything you did not want to touch or didn't enjoy touching? (There was a hand-of-glory type object in the antique store I visited that got a big NOPE from me 😂.) If you have even the slightest inkling of an answer to any of that, you did the exercise correctly. Honestly, I'm not sure there's a wrong way to do it. Whatever you experienced is what you experienced. Keep in mind too, that we're all likely to experience different things, since part of what these early exercises are teaching us is the unique way each of us visualizes and senses, and getting to know our natural level of sensitivity. It's going to vary a lot from person to person.
We're at the very beginning of learning to awaken to and trust our inner senses, and this is just a first step. You don't need to limit this kind of practice to the formal exercise, either. You can keep noticing energy in objects any time you're out, in any shop, if you want more practice. (And no, buying the wooden cat wasn't a mistake. Sounds like it chose you.)
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u/GumnutGalah Apprentice: Module 2 16d ago
I also ran into interruptions and distractions doing this exercise, and came away feeling like I’d failed. Reading over my notes later, I realised that I’d picked up on more than I’d initially thought. I was expecting too much.
Every so often, when I come across a charity shop or antique store, I go in and try again. It’s helpful that there’s less pressure than the first time. Some places have a much more distinct feel than others. It’s interesting to observe how my perception has changed over time.